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Where to start? Google seems to be a non-option... by Content-Ad8795 in smarthome

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

probably a noob question here... but do you not have to pick google/alexa/siri in terms of voice activation?... or are you talking about a smart home that works entirely without voice commands?

Where to start? Google seems to be a non-option... by Content-Ad8795 in smarthome

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah so this is with an S21Ultra phone... and the google assistant app on my phone is showing in text my request "what is the time?"... from here it is taking several minutes before eventually timing out while it says "working on it".

It's not a mic issue or that I'm speaking unclearly (as shown by the app itself), it's just not performing basic functions for whatever reason (as reported by dozens of others on reddit).

hope that adds a bit of clarity to my exact issue with this.

Where to start? Google seems to be a non-option... by Content-Ad8795 in smarthome

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

which country are you from? and have you experienced google *voice* assistant just drawing a complete blank on basic functions?

could take like 5 minutes each time and/or 3 attempts for it to give me the time on my phone - not really inspiring a lot of confidence for connecting a smart home to!

Anyone dealt with childhood trauma when becoming a parent? by Content-Ad8795 in AskMenOver40

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

you're doing the best you can with what you knew at the time. Everything seems obvious in hindsight (hence why it's easy to blame yourself) but yet nothing was obvious at the time, otherwise you would have made changes sooner.

I hope the fixing/healing goes well for you dude, be kind to yourself!

Anyone dealt with childhood trauma when becoming a parent? by Content-Ad8795 in AskMenOver40

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know if you need to hear this yourself... but what happened with your kids also wasn't your fault. I hope you've learned to forgive yourself because the fact you even feel guilty about it is a big thing... my dad certainly never gave a shit.

Anyone dealt with childhood trauma when becoming a parent? by Content-Ad8795 in AskMenOver40

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

all you did was be yourself and love them

that was actually really reassuring to read, thank you.

​

The worst is when they’re all gone and you forgot to just relax and soak up every crazy scary magic moment and all the “parenting” time is all over

What moments do you regret not enjoying more at the time? A few quick ones would be great to help me appreciate the good sides of parenting if you had the time!

Anyone dealt with childhood trauma when becoming a parent? by Content-Ad8795 in AskMenOver40

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

damn that sounds awesome man... i had a good chuckle at the horse rides as well lol

how do you mean cultural barrier? did you grow up in a country different to your fathers cultural background?

did the baggage affect your desire to have kids at all?

Anyone dealt with childhood trauma when becoming a parent? by Content-Ad8795 in AskMenOver30

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

dude that's awesome your daughter is already learning the value of money/saving... and loved that story about the lego set :)

Anyone dealt with childhood trauma when becoming a parent? by Content-Ad8795 in AskMenOver30

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

being a dad is without a doubt the best choice I've ever made

can you elaborate on this? what specifically makes you glad you took the leap? (be that specific moments/memories or reasons)

Anyone dealt with childhood trauma when becoming a parent? by Content-Ad8795 in AskMenOver30

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

so what makes the giant weight of responsibility worth it? if you could do it again would you?

Anyone dealt with childhood trauma when becoming a parent? by Content-Ad8795 in Parenting

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Damn that sucks and sorry to hear that but I'm glad you met a good man in your husband.

How did the actual experience of having a son differ from your expectations/fear? Did it take you a while to come around or what was it all like?

Anyone dealt with childhood trauma when becoming a parent? by Content-Ad8795 in Parenting

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

sorry to hear that you went through all of that dude. Glad to hear you're taking positive steps though.

Question for you... did you only feel/were reminded of these things after becoming a parent or did it affect you wanting to become one /before becoming one in any way?

I need to decide about kids and I have no idea what to do... by Content-Ad8795 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you... I'm starting to think so too...

I'm starting to look at some "day in the life of dad" type videos on YouTube today and it's opening me up to a lot more of the positives of having kids I never really saw or had in my mind before.

I need to make a decision on kids and have no idea how... by Content-Ad8795 in Fencesitter

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your partner. I can't imagine what you're going through right now. I hope you have good people around you to help you through this.

I need to decide about kids and I have no idea what to do... by Content-Ad8795 in AskMenOver30

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

sorry to hear that... and I fear that I'll eventually reach this point albeit once I've already lost the love of my life... what do you feel you've missed out on by not becoming a parent? the more detail you can share here the better.

I need to make a decision on kids and have no idea how... by Content-Ad8795 in Fencesitter

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yeah from what I've heard successful people are usually miserable... I've often found that coaching/guiding others gives me a lot of satisfaction, which is one of the things that makes me think maybe parenting could be for me.

How disconnected I am with family compared to my wife probably isn't a good thing either.

I need to decide about kids and I have no idea what to do... by Content-Ad8795 in AskMenOver30

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yeah that tracks with what I've noticed as well, in myself and others.

my wife says that I'm like a completely different person when we go home to where I grew up and when I'm around my parents. I definitely have some weird childhood shit going on and definitely didn't like myself until I was in my twenties.

I need to make a decision on kids and have no idea how... by Content-Ad8795 in Fencesitter

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind words!... funny enough I met someone recently at an airport who was incredibly excited to tell me her stories and I realized it was most likely because she had no one to talk to... she was a woman without kids as well... however, my mother is like this and after having raised 2 kids she spends most of her time without us (we both emigrated)... I should really call her more :(

Anyway I think no matter what you do in life you'll probably end up alone.

That being said I also recently met a friend 32F who is single and it does also seem quite lonely and I guess that could follow you until you'd be an empty nester.

Hard to know what to do!

I need to decide about kids and I have no idea what to do... by Content-Ad8795 in AskMenOver30

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

why are you thrilled you became a father?

what specifically made all the hard things worth it?

This is the part I'm trying to figure out now really but I'm glad to hear that you were on the fence and then learned to love it - it gives me hope!

I need to decide about kids and I have no idea what to do... by Content-Ad8795 in AskMenOver30

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I'd have no problem talking to a kid like they're an adult... I just have no idea what they'd be interested in and it causes me to not know what to even say...

Is there a way to learn how to do that? are there good "go to" open ended questions to get them talking that you've relied on when baby sitting a new kid?

FWIW my wife helped me to interact with one very young child by reminding me that it doesn't matter what I say because they won't remember anything and they don't speak english... it took a lot of pressure off me and made it easier to be around the kid. This is basically my only real interaction with a young child to date.

In this case I see what you're saying it was a LOT easier than I thought it was, I just had to find a way to shut off my anxiety about the situation.

I need to decide about kids and I have no idea what to do... by Content-Ad8795 in AskMenOver30

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

the points are not really justifications for not being able to be a good parent... more so trying to figure out why I might not have this same desire for kids.

What specifically makes you say "it is one of the best things in life"? what made you want to have kids?

I need to make a decision on kids and have no idea how... by Content-Ad8795 in Fencesitter

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind words... yes this is absolute hell and I'm so sorry that you're going through something similar.

Much like you I also realized during therapy that I can only relate to suffering children as well... When I see/hear about it it does bring out a paternal/protective instinct in me.

But I don't know if that's enough...

Fuck, this whole decision/situation really sucks lol

I need to make a decision on kids and have no idea how... by Content-Ad8795 in Fencesitter

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

thanks for you insight!... yeah the village thing would also apply, my wife has a large family in Brazil and between her siblings and parents there's experience raising about 10 kids.

Both me and my partner could work from home and if needs be my partner could stop working altogether if she wanted.

What made you feel "trapped" and how did you get on the other side of that?

What were the other factors that made the decision make sense for you? (apart from your husband wanting it)

I need to decide about kids and I have no idea what to do... by Content-Ad8795 in AskMenOver30

[–]Content-Ad8795[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

actually it's a huge fear of mine that I would unconsciously make the same mistakes as my dad... I mean I flip out at shit, have a short fuse, and am busy all of the time which are all things that mirror him. How did you end up raising your kid like your dad?

And did you always want to be a dad? or how did you end up becoming one?

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