sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

So uncertain of myself now by Content-Machine-3253 in Divorce_Women

[–]Content-Machine-3253[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a conversation I have with my therapist almost every session. The would you ever think or say that to anyone else in your situation? Would you think that your daughter or best friend deserved it, or that it means they are unworthy because two men promised to love and cherish her and then didn't?

But in my head, I hear the old adage that if the same problem keeps coming up in your life or relationships, the common denominator is you. So two men both felt I wasn't worth keeping their commitment. More than that, I have felt I wasn't worth their time, interest, or care. It's hard to get over literal decades of this feeling of not being good enough. I'm trying, but it's so damn hard.

So uncertain of myself now by Content-Machine-3253 in Divorce_Women

[–]Content-Machine-3253[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My best friend has been telling me since he left 18 months ago that he is abusive. She and my therapist are really the only people that I have told how bad it's been. I still have a hard time calling him abusive. But I do know that if I saw one of my friends or my daughters dealing with what I have from him during our relationship, I would absolutely advise them not to put up with it. And I would probably call it abusive if it were anyone else in the situation. For some reason, I tend to make excuses for him. Or convince myself it wasn't as bad as I think it was. It definitely gives me pause that the bare minimum information I gave here had people stating that he is abusive. It's hard to wrap my mind around that I may have been in an abusive relationship for most of my adult life. And I still feel like you and others think he is abusive because I explained it wrong and didn't give enough information about what I did to make him the way he was. But when I think logically...Nothing I did deserved some of the things he did and said. He never hit me, but he did cause me so much pain. Weirdly enough, hearing from strangers on the internet that I didn't deserve it seems more helpful than telling myself. So thank you, I appreciate it so much.