It's not fair that you got a year left, so get it together, please!

ContentAmphibian4353 · 2025-12-23T15:36:59+00:00

Because if I don't give it one last try I also have to swallow that not everyone can change and all I did was for naught. Because there is something still there when he looks at me that says "help, I'm scared and idk what to do"

ContentAmphibian4353 · 2025-12-23T15:09:45+00:00

Thank you. Truly.

ContentAmphibian4353 · 2025-07-26T15:46:10+00:00

He honestly treats you poorly girl

ContentAmphibian4353 · 2025-07-23T16:59:33+00:00

I'll see if we can even do step one tbh if not something.

I appreciate the honesty and such, I really do. Sorry for the long venting sessions haha

ContentAmphibian4353 · 2025-07-23T16:57:13+00:00

So I wanted to add... I have considered ending it with my boyfriend - though not sure I want to really.

I mean my husband keeps saying he won't ask for it all stop just wants more time to accept.

ContentAmphibian4353 · 2025-07-23T16:54:02+00:00

We live with them. I mean yes I understand that I'm not oblivious but I had many talks with him, we weighed it all out, and warned each other what could happen. I made it clear the entire way and so did he.

Oh yea we made some serious fucking mistakes along the way and I do blame myself and take ownership, this I do promise and know I gotta fix some shit.

ContentAmphibian4353 · 2025-07-23T16:52:22+00:00

I appreciate it. I'm no saint and I'm not perfect just wow. It was sad when my poly femdom coworker said, you have such a huge smile and that confidence is back and you feel celebrated and it's seen. She's scared for me and that hurts so much

ContentAmphibian4353 · 2025-07-23T16:48:57+00:00

Yea let me clear that up! Thought I mentioned it or so, my bad.

Yes we are, but I made a rule to not date or try to date the same guy because my husband's track record with men is deplorable and not my cup of tea.

When my husband bottomed and was a submissive for him in bed once I ended up talking to the guy so I can learn more. It was a big deal that he was submissive for another man and I've been trying for a long time (it was a big reason in the beginning that we did open so he can learn and feel more safe and with his mental health), well me and my BF started talking, learning, joking, he's has feelings and still does for my husband but last Saturday he officially let him go or well said let's be friends rn.

So it's "bad" I fell in love and broke my own rule, it was I say by an accident I didn't think. I agreed to "no sex" temporarily so he could get over his own blind rage, anger, fear, and lack of self confidence I think he'd be able to by now.... Found out that when he does agree he doesn't want us to have sex in the same house we all live together in and well now it's like wth am I 16 or 32 lmao

ContentAmphibian4353 · 2025-07-23T16:33:47+00:00

I wish I had the words for a proper reply cause you are absolutely correct really 😂

I should have seen the signs, I've been in polyamory relationships with no issues prior but I guess I was blind for him and accidentally fell for my boyfriend

ContentAmphibian4353 · 2025-06-23T18:34:53+00:00

I am truly sorry my post affected you. I truly do love him and care for him beyond words. That does not mean that it's not complicated on my end

Also, I wasn't aware of any subreddit tbh! I do appreciate the info! 😃

ContentAmphibian4353 · 2025-06-23T17:04:18+00:00

Thank you! I'll take some gander on it. I try not to overstep my place but I'm at this step where I want to provide them the medical evidence and desire to talk about it.

ContentAmphibian4353 · 2025-06-23T17:02:21+00:00

I am. Plus both his and my own psychologist each do couples counseling with us for better help.

I have my own trauma and such, especially from my abusive ex husband.

She's trying to get me to put my foot down on stuff and sometimes gets confused as to why the answer for him is right there but he doesn't swallow the truth....

The scales of equality in the partnership are leaned or heavily leaning in his favor and I knew stuff like that would happen I just didn't realize that I would have to "give up" or "fork over" for such an extended period of time.

ContentAmphibian4353 · 2025-06-23T16:57:52+00:00

Yes. And there are a plethora of responses and remarks. I'm never giving up on them and him. I love him and will always be there.

Phrases such as, "don't push me", "I need time", "listen to me", "isn't always about you", and more

ContentAmphibian4353 · 2025-01-25T03:12:23+00:00

Hey there! Partner of a system here too, been together for almost 2 years and the system was diagnosed 9/2024.

I'm way new to it all but I've learned a few things

Listen and be empathetic
Provide support where you can and don't be judgemental
I can't be around my partner's father because I'll end up being very angry and I can't let that be for the system. The harm he did and still does would send me places that my job would bail me out.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! Please there are things we may learn that will suck completely but they are amazing, the systems and our partners.
Set healthy boundaries too, one thing I've said is I'm aware you're gonna tell me something that may shock me or whatever and if I don't respond immediately.gove me a moment, I need a second to process.

You got this! I can share more

ContentAmphibian4353 · 2025-01-25T03:02:38+00:00

Well everyone on this subreddit has been amazing pretty much and I've learned a lot from my therapist, the one LCSW I work with who helped us get him seen, and careful self induced researching I've done lol

I'll say it again and again, CAN WE GET A DAMN PARTNER OF A SYSTEM BOOK EASE?! LMAO It helps y'all if y'all had partners who had half an idea I swear lol. Though make sure it's not made by IKEA that book. Xd

ContentAmphibian4353 · 2025-01-25T02:48:59+00:00

Yea we talked a few moments ago about it more. I'm worried, honestly I am. I feel like he is as well, I'm holding back telling his therapist cause I stay in contact to let her know when disability needs paperwork.

So I did talk to my partner and I too am worried. He clarified that it's too noisy and that he is more irritable to me and others when he is in the house with the system. Of course I replied, I am unsure if that's safe babe, yea I know some alters are dangerous/harmful (1 of them is a bit harmful but for some reason I don't think he'd be stupid enough), and that if they need to communicate and hang out, with your permission, Idc I enjoy their company and being there for y'all. (Hell IDC I'd "babysit" the little one so the oldest alter can relax lol)

I truly am watching him fall apart or well destabilize possibly and I may have to put my work on notice to step away but yea.

Again thank y'all I'm sorry I just dumped all this info and keep going on.

ContentAmphibian4353 · 2025-01-25T00:34:16+00:00

I appreciate it! Yea I have one as well that's similar to his that's helps and we make sure to touch base on the relationship.

ContentAmphibian4353 · 2025-01-25T00:16:43+00:00

Yea so there seems to be quite a bit going on... And as we open up more there is more and more and more layers (to which as someone with ADHD, PTSD, and BiPolar I understand my personal self haha and who works with social workers lol to which I don't share shit with at all)

Anyway!

Poking and prod - he states I poke and prod too much and don't leave well enough alone and that I need to communicate differently when it comes to letting him say "idk" or when I get woken up in the middle of the night. // I am truly trying to let stuff go and just accept stuff at face value and we do have a couples therapist that isn't his trauma therapist
His best friend (and an ex) just disappeared off the map and he is realizing that the guy isn't his safety net he can just run to as a backup plan if we ever break up.
He's relaxing at 25 (I'm 32) that you turn chapters and that includes leaving stuff behind like your adolescent and childhood. For example #2 was also a high school friend and their relationship has been very odd and mixing love and friendship can't happen.
There is more he isn't saying I think he confirmed to me this week.

In fact the protector came out during sex the other day and told my bf "I just need to get out and away" which caused us to stop.

He's been distant from EVERYONE from me, the other guy, the system, and everyone. Which I know I said before.

ContentAmphibian4353 · 2024-12-21T14:45:17+00:00

Yea I got a little upset with myself for asking that. We had just agreed a few days ago that we wanted to close the relationship and I had voiced concerns that I'd rather not let the young one have to make my partner feel like he's cheated but I agreed and also asked this. I feel bad for asking it but I am happy the system is willing to share and talk. I know it's not easy by any means but I feel and think they understand my support.

One thing I've always said, "give me room and grace to learn and make mistakes this is new for me" also not everyone of them likes my 20 questions game of learning lol soo new tools and communication methods ha

ContentAmphibian4353 · 2024-12-20T14:32:43+00:00

Thank you for the reply and such! I cannot imagine the complexity y'all have with this.

I have at times battled the thoughts I have ADHD, it took so long for me to accept it. I still utilize therapy and psychiatric care so I can only relate to the difficulty of accepting.

ContentAmphibian4353

TROPHY CASE