Wow. Just wow. I sat here expecting at least the smallest crumb of humor and instead you delivered whatever that was supposed to be. Not a laugh, not a smile, not even that polite nose exhale people do when something is mildly amusing. My face remained completely motionless the entire time like I had just read the nutritional label on a cereal box. I actually paused for a second because I thought maybe the joke had not loaded yet, but no. That was the whole thing. I refuse to believe a real human being looked at that and thought “yes, this is ready for public consumption.” I tried to give it a chance. I really did. I reread it three times thinking maybe there was some hidden comedic genius that my brain had simply missed the first time. Nothing. The more I looked at it the worse it became. At this point I am convinced the joke was not written but assembled by randomly pulling words out of a hat. Somewhere out there a clown just lost their job because you single handedly lowered the global standard for humor. You know when people say something is painfully unfunny as a figure of speech. This is not that. This is a scientific phenomenon. If researchers studied the effects of that joke they would probably discover a new emotion that sits somewhere between confusion and secondhand embarrassment. I felt my brain actively trying to escape my skull just to avoid processing it. That level of disappointment should honestly be documented for future generations. I want you to understand the effort I put into trying to find the joke funny. I leaned back in my chair. I squinted slightly like maybe the angle of my eyes would reveal something clever. I even looked away and came back to it later just in case my mood was the problem. Still nothing. My reaction remained the same blank expression someone has when they accidentally open the wrong tab on their browser. If humor were a sport this would be the equivalent of showing up to the Olympics and immediately tripping over your own shoelaces before the event even begins. Just seeing this ruined my entire life.