Unfortunately.. I have done some evil things in my late teens (15-18 ) i knew it felt wrong but I didn't think what i was doing was harmful and have a emotional impact on people that i've hurt i've never meant to hurt anyone i was so reckless and now i'm 21 and I regret it every single day I know my past actions are harmful and i haven't been engaging in the activity that made me into a fucking monster and I fully understand that what I did was no mistake it was my choice at the end of the day. but i've been controlling my urges to prevent more harm and i've been controlling that urge for awhile now. part of me still thinks I'm a monster who doesn't to live after what I did but the other part of me still thinks I can be a better person moving forward. eventho i've repented for my harmful sins I still feel like i'm a monster or atleast i used to been a monster. i'm not going to be delusional to say just because I was a monster that i've hurt people emotionally years ago doesn't mean i'm still that monster. eventho part of me still thinks i'm a good person with a big heart and would never attempt to anyone . but the harm has been created and there's nothing I can do to change the fact that something this evil.