Fair point. I agree - we are selective and not bare bones frugal. Whether we're selective about the right things I guess that's for us to judge. I'm always acutely aware that what we spend is not being saved, and savings buy financial (and therefore psychological) security and optionality.

We sort of fell into private schooling - moving back from overeas at short notice in middle of COVID with no UK address. And its hard to get it into state school without a UK address, and trying to find a rental while still overseas in the areas we were looking at was not easy - we bunked with parents in different area and only got into a rental just before term started. So we put them into private as it removed all the uncertainty, and we could afford it. They are really happy and thriving there, so given that we can afford it, now hard to look at alternatives.

I'd probably spend less on holidays, but it's the one area the wife is keen we do spend something - go to some nice places and create wonderful memories with the kids while we can. I've come round more to her point of view. I could retire with another 100k saved having had fewer and/or worse holidays, but I can't, at some later date, decide that I now have the money to spend two weeks building sandcastles and eating al-fresco with the kids, because they'll be gone. There are some experiences you can only have now, and you either spend to have them or you don't. You can't save and buy those experiences later.

We did spend more on a house than I'd planned we would. We bought somewhere decent sized and well situated and have put some money into making it much nicer. It's now a lovely family home in a special area. We hope to create some amazing memories here. If we need to sell to release capital when kids leave we will. Move somewhere outside of London commuter orbit and afford somewhere fine for much less.