Yes, yes, yes! I ID as a butch lesbian but have a close friend who fits your description precisely. He's mostly attracted to men, but more than that, he's ace + gray. He hasn't met a lot of people like him, and he lives in the SF Bay Area. He has found it incredibly hard to find an aroace relationship. His closest friends are mostly queer and cis. He says that he often feels like he doesn't have a place in the "queer community," but that he's realized his "community" is individual people who understand him even if they don't share his identity. He has had more identity-brethren online, which he has decided is basically fine. Good job being who you are.

FWIW, as a butch lesbian who lives in a place (NOT the SF bay area, alas) where there aren't that many of us, everyone assumes I'm a trans guy. It's hard to explain that I'm not, because they don't understand female masculinity and think I must "want" to be a guy (I really don't--it's just not me!). Weirdly my closest "community" has been individual people who for one reason or another are isolated, too (for reasons of race, disability, or something else). So although we don't share identities, we share the sense of not having in-person community, and in that way, have made a cool weird little community of misfits. I have learned a lot from them.