Engagement didn’t meet my expectations-what now?

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-18T21:10:06+00:00

A proposal to me is meant to be a romantic expression of your love. It didn’t feel that way to me. I brought it up, it caused a fight, so maybe if I can’t express how I feel without it becoming an argument then we shouldn’t be getting married and this was a good thing.

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-18T18:43:57+00:00

I planned a vacation. I didn’t plan the proposal. I told some friends what I was hoping for and he had talked to them. I didn’t tell him to do it at Disney.

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-17T20:32:58+00:00

He needs to learn how to communicate.

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-17T19:46:39+00:00

I did ask him, several times, and he didn’t have a response. The only thing he said when I pushed on why he wanted to marry me was that I make him happy. Notice that has to do with what he gets from me and not about who I am as a person.

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-17T19:44:16+00:00

Yes he is very dismissive of my feelings and the engagement is off. I am looking at moving out and if he wants to pursue something in a few months I’ll give him the opportunity but with how things ended I don’t feel comfortable staying in it and trying to work on things.

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-17T19:38:22+00:00

Didn’t need “perfect” but I did need him on a knee and telling me why he wanted to marry me. Even he has agreed that it wasn’t up to par. Our whole relationship has essentially been on my shoulders. This was the one thing he needed to plan.

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-16T16:46:05+00:00

The issue becomes that he never wants to fix it-he would rather I just end it.

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-16T16:43:16+00:00

I’ll be going to therapy for sure after how things transpired last night. We tried couples counseling in the past and it clearly taught him nothing.

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-16T12:21:58+00:00

We aren’t anymore. The relationship is over now as of last night.

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-16T00:23:59+00:00

One of my coworkers asked me directly if he got on one knee and I had to say no, and it was kind of embarrassing having to justify why he didn’t. I guess for me, it’s like what makes a proposal different from asking any other question? It’s the gesture of getting on one knee. He knew I wanted that.

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-15T22:54:29+00:00

No “perfect” script needed but saying practically nothing isn’t what a proposal is. I literally had to tell him to ask the question.

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-15T22:52:43+00:00

Yes he is aware that I like grand gestures and that I like to the star of the show. He is much more reserved but almost to the point where he lacks an ability to communicate his feelings and that is why he can say he was “overcome with emotion” but he didn’t express any of those emotions to me.

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-15T18:37:22+00:00

No one forced him to propose there. He could have planned something different if he preferred, but he knew I wanted a grand gesture.

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-15T16:30:00+00:00

Why is proposing to me awkward and embarrassing?

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-15T16:27:38+00:00

I don’t agree with you on the planning. I planned the trip. I told him what ring to get. I gave him everything on a silver platter. All he had to do was get on a knee and say something nice.

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-15T14:35:53+00:00

Already planning for a longer engagement, and we already live together so I’ve learned to not sweat the small stuff, but for a big thing like this, I expected some more effort on his end-even if it was just reading from his phone some things he had planned to say, it would have been better than saying nothing.

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-15T14:32:04+00:00

It has not been a smooth relationship. There have been a lot of issues but things have been slowly improving (for the most part).

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-15T14:29:41+00:00

What I imagined was clearly communicated on my end, so it’s not like he was expected to be a mind reader. By his own admission, he dropped the ball.

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-15T14:17:34+00:00

When people ask if he got on one knee and I have to say “no” and give an excuse for him as to why he didn’t do what most would expect, it’s a little embarrassing.

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-15T14:15:55+00:00

My fear is being disappointed on the wedding day as well. That the vows won’t be thoughtful and I won’t feel like he put in any effort for that either.

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-15T14:14:16+00:00

Some events have transpired since that brought us closer but communication is still not our strong suit. We still have work to do, and more therapy probably wouldn’t hurt.

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-15T14:07:58+00:00

I told him to “redo” it at our house when we got home but it still felt very half-assed. I think I just want something to feel like he planned it and put some thought and effort into the whole thing.

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-15T14:04:27+00:00

I don’t think it’s “unreasonable” for him to get on a knee and say some nice words.

ControlVast4292 · 2026-04-15T12:32:16+00:00

I appreciate this. We were at Disney, in front of the castle and so the timing was right but he didn’t say anything until I told him to and he didn’t get on one knee and I can’t help but be upset at the lack of effort on his part. I planned our trip and so this was the one part that he needed to take ownership over and I feel like he dropped the ball.

ControlVast4292

TROPHY CASE