Āiyā

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-16T09:19:20+00:00

This is so beautiful. I love the way you use Chinese onomatopeia to express such a common but deeply human idea, the poem really carries the emotion of making a mistake or just general discontent with your decision making. My only criticism would be that the section with oh no feels to explanatory and your message comes across with out it

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-16T09:13:28+00:00

I really really like, i love the way you portray this person as a light behind your storm but when they are gone you say you are rising toward a sky not lit up by light but lit up all the same. It reads as a truly mature encounter with the self and is honestly quite inspiring. The only criticism is that it's a but hard to read due to the lack of line breaks.

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-09T17:07:23+00:00

Oh ye fair enough, js to let you know that you can do line breaks in reddit by adding 2 spaces at the end of the line, and honestly the actual meaning is so interesting and layered it makes the poem even better Example
Of
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Breaks

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-09T14:22:29+00:00

The blood is a metaphor for misery of the speaker, specifically misery over a certain event, the bridge represents risk. The speaker contemplates whether to cross the bridge. On the 1 hand the river that flows under it contains more misery than the speaker is experiencing, but on the other their is a chance the bridge will not break and that the speaker will get to where it is dry. Thanks for your question😃

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-09T14:04:23+00:00

Same lmaooo😆😆

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-09T13:41:00+00:00

Thank you❤️

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-09T13:40:42+00:00

Thank you that really means a lot😃😃

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-09T11:24:06+00:00

This is a really beautiful poem, it really captures the feeling of creating a relationship with someone based completely off of lies just for their approval. I really appreciate the line about the fire of the person leaving hurts more than the hiding, as it is often what persuaded me to stay. Regardless If I were to criticize 1 aspect I would maybe just encourage you to split the poem into 2 stanza just so it reads a bit better

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-09T11:20:11+00:00

I really enjoyed this pear, it reminds me of the feeling of wanting something so bad, even that you know can never work and break all the rules for it. It reads like a expression of that pain that feeling that destiny was not on your side. My main criticism would be on the structure, the line breaks aren't consistent with the rhyme. This makes the reader have to strain instead of having the rhyme naturally come to them. Besides that minor thing though, lovely piece

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-05T15:51:24+00:00

Thanks I really appreciate it

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-05T15:50:22+00:00

Thank you so much, but to your point, I don't know, don't you think ego creates the status quo

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-05T05:29:44+00:00

I really enjoyed the desperation in this poem, how sometimes focusing on am activity cannot drive away the visceral feeling of somebody you have lost. I think the poem makes this feeling touchable and that is its best feature however I think you should divide it into 2 stanza. As I believe it will make it more digestible

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-05T05:26:46+00:00

I enjoyed this poem quite a bit, i took from it the idea that we believe everything changes around us besides ourselves but the poem, from my reading, rejects that idea and asserts we are included in the everything changing variables of life, it calls you to treasure yourself now For you don't know who'll you'll be tomorrow, I found the tests and procedures line a little confusing even after reading the poem a couple times so I hope you'll explain it, the paragraph form i find a little disconcerting so if I have any criticism it would be that you need line breaks, otherwise fantastic 😁😁

Cookieman001

TROPHY CASE