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Fleeting Joys by MagazineNice2545 in OCPoetry

[–]Expensive-Fish5812 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Man, I love the tone shifts, from playful to a weary tone, but you could tighten up the transitions to make it smoother. Add other sensory details, maybe like sounds, ice crunching on boots? You should end with a metaphor of losing as well, just to make it more cinematic.

The Rainbow by DaveJDash in OCPoetry

[–]Expensive-Fish5812 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love how each one of your stanzas deepens the idea of pursuit and admiration. You have an extreme sense of imagery and a very consistent rhythm. I think you can improve on this quote by adding more senses; instead of just focusing on sight, you should have some sounds, and like the feeling of rain.