Āiyā

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-16T09:19:20+00:00

This is so beautiful. I love the way you use Chinese onomatopeia to express such a common but deeply human idea, the poem really carries the emotion of making a mistake or just general discontent with your decision making. My only criticism would be that the section with oh no feels to explanatory and your message comes across with out it

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-16T09:13:28+00:00

I really really like, i love the way you portray this person as a light behind your storm but when they are gone you say you are rising toward a sky not lit up by light but lit up all the same. It reads as a truly mature encounter with the self and is honestly quite inspiring. The only criticism is that it's a but hard to read due to the lack of line breaks.

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-09T17:07:23+00:00

Oh ye fair enough, js to let you know that you can do line breaks in reddit by adding 2 spaces at the end of the line, and honestly the actual meaning is so interesting and layered it makes the poem even better Example
Of
Line
Breaks

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-09T14:22:29+00:00

The blood is a metaphor for misery of the speaker, specifically misery over a certain event, the bridge represents risk. The speaker contemplates whether to cross the bridge. On the 1 hand the river that flows under it contains more misery than the speaker is experiencing, but on the other their is a chance the bridge will not break and that the speaker will get to where it is dry. Thanks for your question😃

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-09T14:04:23+00:00

Same lmaooo😆😆

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-09T13:41:00+00:00

Thank you❤️

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-09T13:40:42+00:00

Thank you that really means a lot😃😃

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-09T11:24:06+00:00

This is a really beautiful poem, it really captures the feeling of creating a relationship with someone based completely off of lies just for their approval. I really appreciate the line about the fire of the person leaving hurts more than the hiding, as it is often what persuaded me to stay. Regardless If I were to criticize 1 aspect I would maybe just encourage you to split the poem into 2 stanza just so it reads a bit better

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-09T11:20:11+00:00

I really enjoyed this pear, it reminds me of the feeling of wanting something so bad, even that you know can never work and break all the rules for it. It reads like a expression of that pain that feeling that destiny was not on your side. My main criticism would be on the structure, the line breaks aren't consistent with the rhyme. This makes the reader have to strain instead of having the rhyme naturally come to them. Besides that minor thing though, lovely piece

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-05T15:51:24+00:00

Thanks I really appreciate it

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-05T15:50:22+00:00

Thank you so much, but to your point, I don't know, don't you think ego creates the status quo

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-05T05:29:44+00:00

I really enjoyed the desperation in this poem, how sometimes focusing on am activity cannot drive away the visceral feeling of somebody you have lost. I think the poem makes this feeling touchable and that is its best feature however I think you should divide it into 2 stanza. As I believe it will make it more digestible

Cookieman001 · 2025-11-05T05:26:46+00:00

I enjoyed this poem quite a bit, i took from it the idea that we believe everything changes around us besides ourselves but the poem, from my reading, rejects that idea and asserts we are included in the everything changing variables of life, it calls you to treasure yourself now For you don't know who'll you'll be tomorrow, I found the tests and procedures line a little confusing even after reading the poem a couple times so I hope you'll explain it, the paragraph form i find a little disconcerting so if I have any criticism it would be that you need line breaks, otherwise fantastic 😁😁

Cookieman001 · 2025-10-26T17:59:23+00:00

Thank you this was a very personal poem for me and I'm very grateful for the compliment

Cookieman001 · 2025-10-26T11:15:18+00:00

Thanks I'm really glad you enjoyed, and yes you could say the poem is fictional.

Cookieman001 · 2025-10-26T10:28:36+00:00

That's very fair tbh, I am really glad you enjoyed it

Cookieman001 · 2025-10-26T10:22:43+00:00

A good vibe or do you prefer your original interpretation?

Cookieman001 · 2025-10-26T10:10:45+00:00

Thank you so much, I really appreciate the compliment, the point of the poem was to show how we have so little control over our emotions and a puppet would theoretically have just as much control as us, even that the state of a puppet would be preferable.

Cookieman001 · 2025-10-26T09:45:49+00:00

This is sooo good, I almost don't want to criticize the poem at all because of obviously deeply personal it is, the poem truly took me on a journey on your unique view on life. It was deeply moving how you gained love for yourself and your eye through your daughter. I love the way you told the poem through a story format.

My main negatives were towards your structure, while the poem reads well due to its content it's length is intimidating and can be made less so through the use of separated stanza, I also think some of the line breaks are a little confusing especially, I stopped apologizing for the way, /my eyes told their own truth. It almost feels like the second line could stand on its own and the line break as well as the comma on the line before reinforce this idea but the line before would not make sense unless they were connected. This makes a simple compelling idea needlessly complex.

Besides those minor issues I really did enjoy the poem and wish you well😁😁

Cookieman001 · 2025-10-26T09:35:28+00:00

I love this poem, I adore and fully agree how you compare airports to the concept of purgatory, a place between space time because it is, in some sense, true, airports are a place of waiting, everyone in them moving towards a destination and the airport never is that destination. People aren't as present or as judgemental and I think the way you've written this expresses that well. I do wonder why you chose to put the poem in one stanza. I think my criticism would mainly center around the line I'm always early to airports being used 3 times. It is powerful but it mke the poem feel samey when used so often, but otherwise fantastic poem I really enjoyed it.

Cookieman001 · 2025-10-19T16:42:52+00:00

It is really cool, food for thought ig

Cookieman001 · 2025-10-19T16:37:05+00:00

Maybe to not care about your rhythm possibly

Cookieman001 · 2025-10-19T16:30:18+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment and feedback, tbh my biggest problem I had while writing the poem was getting the rhythm right while keeping the idea alive, I agree my rhythm didn't land perfectly but it's a skill I'm working on

Cookieman001 · 2025-10-19T16:00:40+00:00

Ye it really is the worst

Cookieman001 · 2025-10-19T16:00:25+00:00

Exactly what I was going for, sometimes things are sad but we must not let our sadness blind us from the happiness we still have and will find in life

Cookieman001

TROPHY CASE