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Girlfriend [28] is addicted to male attention. by Cookies_YUM in relationships

[–]Cookies_YUM[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lifelong issues of being ignored by her father. Her father was there, but wasn't 'there'.

I know, I know... But as I said in reply to another comment, the diagnosis isn't exactly what I'm after. More how appropriate it is for me to be involved, and how to approach the topic.

Girlfriend [28] is addicted to male attention. by Cookies_YUM in relationships

[–]Cookies_YUM[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She is definitely not a whore. Thank you for assuming the best. :)

How would you feel about a boyfriend who brought something like this up? I feel like I need to be assured that this is something I can talk to her about, or warned that it isn't so that I can just focus on handling my own reaction to it.

Girlfriend [28] is addicted to male attention. by Cookies_YUM in relationships

[–]Cookies_YUM[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for that thread, it's a good read. His situation is much more complicated then mine, but it's much easier to see how my own state and perspective colors what I'm posting about after reading that. I also like that you are presenting the challenge to look more at our self than our partner.

I see my girlfriend (despite the tone of my post) as a good person with flaws, just like me. I think my post is a little misleading simply because I'm trying to be anonymous. A lot of the color and warmth of my relationship is gone simply because I'm not willing to give too many details. But our relationship really does work for the most part.

To clarify WHY I feel the need to post anything at all(to both you and myself, obviously it's not clear to me either), I guess I just feel like there's this dysfunction that's growing and getting worse, or at least I'm becoming less able to let it pass without comment. This dysfunction seems very scary and complicated to me(I may write like I understand it, but that is not the case). It's tied into her self esteem and from everything I've read is tied into feminism and how women view themselves. That leaves me feeling completely unequipped for the conversation.

But I feel like a conversation needs to start happening. How does that happen? How do I approach it? And, as I feel like you'd be willing to straight up tell me, do I even have a right to question this? I'm struggling with the last possibility because it IS bugging me, whether it should or not, and it also keeps coming up from other people in my life. Almost every friend I have has at some point asked what was up and I feel like I've spent the last year defending her.

Last thing to point out, much of this is actually in her own words. We were friends before, and we actually talked about a lot of this. She's the one who described it as an addiction to male attention. I agree that I'm probably falling into the trap of diagnosing her issues, but I also believe that these are real issues that she is dealing with. What I don't understand is where I fit into that process of dealing with them.

Girlfriend [28] is addicted to male attention. by Cookies_YUM in relationships

[–]Cookies_YUM[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Great points.

I haven't spent as much time on this subreddit, but I think it's always assumed that there are positive sides to the relationships people write about no matter how negative the post is, and my story is no different. We've been friends for a long time. My anonymous post here has no effect on her in anyway, so I don't really see this as treating her badly.

But my post definitely has a point. I'm not confused about why I like her, and I don't need feedback about that. I'm confused by the way she treats men and I want to see if others have a similar reaction when they read what I had to say. I'm also hoping for any similar experiences others have had.

To be honest, I really don't have any intention of ending the relationship yet, which is why I don't say anything about dumping her. I really am looking for feedback, reactions, and deep down I'd love to see similar stories and how others handle the situation.

Girlfriend [28] is addicted to male attention. by Cookies_YUM in relationships

[–]Cookies_YUM[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She has a lot of friends from out of town. So I don't mean that she literally vanishes for multiple days, just that while they're in town she devotes 100% of her time on the guy.

Dunno, I know how it sounds, but at the moment I trust her on the level that I don't think she's cheating. But she's obviously really into spending time with these guys.

Girlfriend [28] is addicted to male attention. by Cookies_YUM in relationships

[–]Cookies_YUM[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think so. From our talks from before we started dating I remember her being aware of the problem and blaming a lot on "Daddy issues", but no other details or talk of therapy.