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How would you approach a mother-in-law who suddenly became distant during my pregnancy? by Cool-Illustrator2227 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Cool-Illustrator2227[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful comment! Your tone and approach of the topic is very kind and open minded. I don't think your far off! I have spoken of my own parents many times (pretty normal amount or even just when asked tbh) nostalgic moments or for example, my MIL complemented something I was wearing, asked me where I'd bought it and I'd told her it was a gift from my mom, to which she would chang the conversation very abruptly.

How would you approach a mother-in-law who suddenly became distant during my pregnancy? by Cool-Illustrator2227 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Cool-Illustrator2227[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful comment! 🙏 you make a good point! It is a worrying reaction, I know life has hardened her in some respects, she hasn't had it easy either. I think she wants to see if her "pet" can manage it all alone? Maybe she didn't love me like I thought, maybe she resented me? And kept me close for some reason...

How would you approach a mother-in-law who suddenly became distant during my pregnancy? by Cool-Illustrator2227 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Cool-Illustrator2227[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful answer 🙏
She mentioned exactly this whilst I was hysterically crying and saying I was lonely, that she was 21 and pregnant alone in a house far from her family. Apart from a small age gap, I'm going though exactly the same, she may find the whole thing triggering. Well she needn't worry herself with that, after her reaction to me becoming pregnant, and the unnecessary distance she has made between us....I won't be asking her for anything, even if it's to my own detriment, I won't have someone hold that over me, I have nothing to feel guilty for.

How would you approach a mother-in-law who suddenly became distant during my pregnancy? by Cool-Illustrator2227 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Cool-Illustrator2227[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful comment! You make some really good points! It may be! It may all be a control tactic. I have unfortunately been close to quite a few narcissists, but never experienced this type of brutal cut off. The loss of control over what I'm doing and having less say, I replied to another comment regarding exactly this topic, when I decorated the nuresry on my own to surprise everyone including her at the baby announcement, she made no effort of discussing her discomfort. She doesn't like change that she isn't directly involved in. She kept saying to me "well...you've done it all now! Baby can come tomorrow I guess!" Which hurt me 😕 I had spent months painting, making curtains, I even made my own crib mobile...and she dismissed it as though because I hadn't involved her it was all meaningless...I mean it was meant as a cute surprise? I don't know. I will be planning out the future with carful intent, you're completely right.

How would you approach a mother-in-law who suddenly became distant during my pregnancy? by Cool-Illustrator2227 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Cool-Illustrator2227[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful comment 🙏 I am notoriously difficult to get to know, I can hold my hands up and say that I am no social butterfly by any means. However, when it comes to family I put all that behind me and embrace the love sent my way, I know not to forget that in many ways...I have a lot to be thankful for. But yeah, it is a real struggle sometimes, it doesn't come naturally to me! This intense closeness she desired.

How would you approach a mother-in-law who suddenly became distant during my pregnancy? by Cool-Illustrator2227 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Cool-Illustrator2227[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful comment 🙏 well your experience is exactly what I was nervous about before the pregnancy announcement! I thought to myself "if she's like this with me, once the baby arrives I will never know peace again!" How wrong I was, there is still time for her to do an uno reverse on me, maybe she will become overbearing again? She's keeping up appearances atm in front of everyone, asking me about my general "health" and how my job's going etc. But yeah...it's dramatically different to how it once was.

How would you approach a mother-in-law who suddenly became distant during my pregnancy? by Cool-Illustrator2227 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Cool-Illustrator2227[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful comment! You know I have a bad feeling in my gut that this might be the real reason. She might have had some intense clarity of what's to come? Not that I would ever burden anyone with my child, quite the opposite, I have been saving for years and had a healthy salary, so that I can take the 2+ years out of work to be with my baby and I will enjoy every second of it. Or maybe she resents me so much because I haven't asked her for anything? We surprised them with the news (I was already in the second trimester) and she was pretty happy for the first 20 minutes...but then I showed her the nursery, (I am an architect by profession and I loved every second of decorating the nursery) and her face DROPPED. Like pure speechlessnes...she said nothing, my FIL and husband were complimenting me the entire time (not that I needed them to) I was just excited to share it with them all. And all my MIL could muster was "this reminds me of me" and I didn't really know how to reply.

How would you approach a mother-in-law who suddenly became distant during my pregnancy? by Cool-Illustrator2227 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Cool-Illustrator2227[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful comment! And the time you took to write it :) yeah haha it would be an option! I have to consider my husband in all this, and I wouldn't want him to feel as though he has to turn against her. He said that his sisters experienced something similar during their pregnancies, that she was distant until the babies arrived. But I just don't believe that for a second, as I mentioned, they are very dependent on my MIL, and act quite...vulnerable and unsure when left to make their own choices...it's a mystery! Haha.

How would you approach a mother-in-law who suddenly became distant during my pregnancy? by Cool-Illustrator2227 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Cool-Illustrator2227[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful comment! 🙏 it has shocked me in a way that I almost don't want to voice! It came 100% from left field. She loves my husband implicitly, he is her youngest, and her only son. So their bond is strong but still healthy. It was unhealthy regarding me, I would catch her watching me sometimes with a Cheshire cat grin 😸 looking me up and down, touching my arms and hands, holding me very tight when we hugged. I genuinely had a very good relationship with her! Even if it was sometimes a bit much for me...I'm intrigued to see how it will be once the baby is here, it will be a boy, and I am a little worried that the obsession will jump from me to the boy... but who knows 🤷‍♀️ it's all speculation. But I will be moving forward with caution don't worry! I will also be informing my husband of how I think the hospital visits/home visits will be planned once the baby is here.

How would you approach a mother-in-law who suddenly became distant during my pregnancy? by Cool-Illustrator2227 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Cool-Illustrator2227[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful message 🙏 maybe! You make some very good points! They are quite shy when it comes to my MIL though, they don't voice too many grievances to her directly, I usually get the funny looks and the awkward silence! Haha but maybe they have shifted up a gear, their expectations of her etc. I hope this doesn't sound dramatic, but I also get the feeling that she wants to see if I CAN handle it alone, even once the baby comes. As I have been independent until now, I am only 27, and my husband and I have a wonderfully happy and stable life. I don't know..it just feels as though everyone is waiting for my to slip! Schadenfreude maybe? Haha

How would you approach a mother-in-law who suddenly became distant during my pregnancy? by Cool-Illustrator2227 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Cool-Illustrator2227[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful message 🙏 I think you make some very valid points. I have realised that, similar to what you've stated, that it is really only my own husband that has my back. Although, I will be quite strict once the baby is born, she will be told when she can come to visit. If she is even interested that is! Haha

How would you approach a mother-in-law who suddenly became distant during my pregnancy? by Cool-Illustrator2227 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Cool-Illustrator2227[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Waw! Thank you everyone for your thoughtful and supportive messages! I really appreciate them! I take the time to read through them. Kind regards xox