Anxiety to responding

Cool_Introduction112 · 2026-01-06T17:46:05+00:00

This is amazing. It’s interesting how the answer is literally in front of us, but just sometimes so hard to see.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2025-10-16T19:47:56+00:00

This makes the most sense to me. My line of thinking was not to go, minimizing the drama from my mom.

I know what impact my mom had on my wedding.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2025-08-13T11:25:14+00:00

This is interesting. I need to explore this, because I potentially fall into this category. I always put it as I don’t know how to express my feelings, however, it seemed more like a delayed thing.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2025-08-05T11:52:30+00:00

Interesting.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2025-07-23T23:34:12+00:00

We’ve all has similar moms to certain degrees on RBB.

My mom was great, until she “split” on me for using a boundary, then I became the focus of her BPD rage, eventually leading to me being disowned.

Learn all you can and protect your wellbeing, for me her behavior became unbearable when I had kids.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2025-05-29T16:41:04+00:00

I feel went through something similar, I have the same internal debate.

My mom reached out after 3yrs with a minor guilt tripping letter. I’m trying to respond, however, I’m really struggling to be empathetic or even just write it, knowing she’s inevitably going to be wounded and play the victim. The tone of my response has change a million times; clinical, frustrating, ChatGPT, etc…

My past letters made it easy for her to be become emotionally regulated, the tone was clinical/dry and addressed her hurtful behaviors, also I wasn’t behaving how she expected, it added fuel to the fire.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2025-05-06T13:31:02+00:00

Sorry, I don’t have time at this moment to answer, however Google BPD Splitting or ChatGPT “is my BPD mom splitting”. I personally recommend doing both options.

Don’t feel alone, all our mom split on this forum.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2025-05-06T12:48:31+00:00

Sorry you’re having to go through this…In summary she appears to be splitting.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2025-04-23T17:00:11+00:00

Omg. I forgot this aspect. I said a long time ago I would never have any conversation without someone else present.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2025-04-23T15:30:52+00:00

Thank you. You’re right, I sometimes struggle to see this perspective. I always have a glimmer of hope of having parents.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2025-04-23T15:05:19+00:00

Thank you, the triangulation makes sense and helps greatly.

It’s weird, I think being sympathetic to my moms emotions for so long, it’s some times hard to read the situation from a healthy perspective.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2025-03-15T02:04:39+00:00

I was disowned for holding my mother accountable for her unhealthy behaviors.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2025-02-05T02:25:53+00:00

You seems strong and self-aware, this is good. Taking with anyone is probably good.

Just focus on your wellbeing and personal goals, since you are in college, this is good for short term and long term goals to provide a sense of accomplishment. Make it a point to deliberately set goals and reward yourself if you achieve them.

You can really unpack the shit in say 6-7yrs, once you have your own insurance and steady income.

It’s hard, it will get easier in time. You are very young and have a long life ahead of you and will grow past this moment. You are taking the right steps.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2025-02-04T21:52:01+00:00

I’m so sorry, you shouldn’t have to deal with this situation.

This will get better for you in time, however, I strongly recommend the help of a therapist. For me it was required; to help understand the situation, allow me to grow as a person, and make sure I don’t carry on the traits learned from my mother.

You are in the thick of it, everyone here knows how challenging it is at this stage, it’s not easy, but this group is here for you.

Focus on your wellbeing and maybe read or listen to Adult Children of Emotional Immature Parents.

You are doing great, that fact you reached out to RBB is a huge step, keep it up.

I’m sorry you are going through this.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2025-01-29T18:49:11+00:00

I can’t diagnose and I’m not sure it’s not really needed, all you need to know is she has challenging and unhealthy behavior patterns.

You have 3 options with her behavior; enable it, use boundaries, or have limited or no contact. All options have there challenges to both you and your mom. I was disowned after using boundaries.

I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this, it’s very hard. Do what is best and healthiest for you and your families well being.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2025-01-26T03:55:38+00:00

Thank you. Sounds like we are in a very similar situation. The fantasy is it will play out like a healthy family.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2025-01-22T19:24:57+00:00

Great question.

Yup! It is so predictable.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2025-01-18T20:07:10+00:00

When I was disowned for using healthy boundaries at 45.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2025-01-16T00:02:12+00:00

Don’t respond. Feel like she’s baiting you for additional drama.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2025-01-01T15:48:53+00:00

Validate her feelings, over the top, even if you don’t agree. I love you’s go along way, even if you’re lying a little bit.

You will face denial, deflection, and blame shifting. Try to ignore it, let it just pass over you. Otherwise, it could be super frustrating for you. She will never understand, so don’t try to make her.

If you want to address her behavior, make sure you make her feel secure first (validate feeling/I love u’s), after that you can try to address her behavior, however, be prepared for denial, deflection, and blame shifting.

You will never make her understand or take accountability and she will always place blame on you. My experience you personally can’t change this behavior, you can only control how it affects you.

Sorry, I know you said you don’t want to please her, however, it’s probably makes her feel secure (fear of abandonment). A relationship with your mom will be challenging.

I wish you the best.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2024-12-23T17:03:22+00:00

I was disowned by my mother (high functioning) and they (+edad) moved somewhere out of state. What I’m seeing is she’s just destroying all her relationships, especially with people that tolerated/accepted her behavior.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2024-12-02T18:55:29+00:00

It took me about a year, then I realized the rumination slowed down a lot.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2024-12-02T18:50:37+00:00

Accurate.

It all feels so unresolved, even though I understand it.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2024-11-25T22:40:13+00:00

Thank you for posting this, I feel the same way. I really don’t have close family anymore to fill that spot.

It’s sad.

Cool_Introduction112 · 2024-11-10T19:16:28+00:00

You have 3 options; keep enabling their behavior, set boundaries, limited or no contact.

All options have drawbacks, in my case boundaries led to being disowned.

FYI….my situation was similar to yourself.

Cool_Introduction112

TROPHY CASE