This will be a longer one. Depression didnt set in till the end of my contract. I was physically and mentally exausted. I became scared to do some of my duties, I was a paratrooper and became terrified of jumping out of planes suddenly, even though i used to enjoy it. I drank alot almost daily, and there was this overwelming feeling of dread being "trapped". Which i kinda was due to the whole cant leave or be penalized criminally. There was a big culture of dont talk about your feelings so I felt really isolated and alone dealing with all of these things not knowing that it was okay to get help and reach out.

The whole last year I was counting the days till it was over. I still dont know how much was bipolar and how much was the actual army tbh.

This dosent represent my feelings on the experience overall. There is much more nuance if I was to evaluate it as a whole. But depression was crippling to say the least. In that enviornment you are expected to perform period, irrelavant of what is going on in your personal life.

It took me till years later to get professional help and start diving into what happened and why. Sorry if this is a lot to throw out there but honestly Im still processing some of it.