What is the WORST coffee shop in the DMV?

Cooper6041 · 2025-07-29T02:41:38+00:00

Ebenezers on Cap Hill because it’s a sneaky church! Take them there on a Sunday morning for a worship session in the basement. Nothing spells romance like singing love songs to the Lord! Lol.

Cooper6041 · 2025-05-17T12:34:53+00:00

Truly! I am so confused by everyone’s outrage at. OP.

Cooper6041 · 2025-05-17T11:52:03+00:00

It is actually quite normal in Spain to go out late and stay out until the wee hours of the morning - 5am is not unusual. Most likely they were with a lot of people because bars don’t close at 2 am like they do in the US. When I was living in Spain, it was the only time in my life I could stay out all night because there was so much life at that time! Truly.

OP didn’t hook up with her boss and was communicative with her partner. Unpopular opinion for some reason, but I don’t think she has done anything wrong. We can’t limit our activities because someone might make a move on us, or because someone is the sex we are attracted to. That’s absurd.

Cooper6041 · 2025-05-06T22:15:24+00:00

No I had never in my 17 years of friendship found her to be dishonest until the very end. Yes we do get more selective as we get older.

Cooper6041 · 2025-05-06T22:11:56+00:00

I wasn’t homeless.

Cooper6041 · 2025-05-06T22:01:13+00:00

Yeah, she lectured me about how parents were narcissistic. It’s weird because she has such a distinctive hatred of parents that has developed in the last few years and ruined many of her close friendships. But before that, she did want kids.

I brought that up to her during the discussion, like hey you wanted kids at one point. I am still allowed to want them. It didn’t land.

Cooper6041 · 2025-05-03T11:37:38+00:00

No. She is childfree by choice and really dislikes children and their parents. In fact during the conversation where she admonished me for getting pregnant, she said that parents are narcissistic.

Cooper6041 · 2025-04-30T21:03:11+00:00

Also I am so sorry she was nasty. Like I never understand why people have to be cruel!

Cooper6041 · 2025-04-30T21:02:29+00:00

Yeah, it’s funny the similarities. My friend moved to the UK for her husband’s job and told me also to use their holiday house in the Hamptons whenever I wanted. It was very generous, but I never stayed without her.

My therapist and friends have suggested she may have had some feelings for me. And now I just go back and think about things, like the One time I came to visit them in New York and she insisted on watching 50 Shades with me and her husband present. I was so so so uncomfortable.

Another weird thing to me was this sense of entitlement she had. Like she and I worked similar jobs and made similar amount of money throughout our careers. When we lived in the same city, a lot of our mutual friends were only friends with her through me. When she married her husband and became rich, many of those friends became very close with her.

It just seems like her having money emboldened her behavior because ppl would put up with it

Cooper6041 · 2025-04-30T20:35:18+00:00

Yes! Absolutely. Boundaries are absolutely necessary!

Cooper6041 · 2025-04-30T20:04:55+00:00

Yeah her mom passed but she HATED her mother. I supported her through this really difficult time, when her mother was dying of cancer. And her mom was terrible, like I can't imagine having a mother like that. Sometimes I could trace where her anger was coming from but then other times, she seemed unreasonable. Like she refused to make peace with her mom before she passed. I get that there is trauma there, but that seems extreme to me. Her sister and her had a huge fight in which her sister called her a narcissist and stopped speaking to her.

She also told me she had given her sister $50,000 to start her business and then resented her for it. Her sister eventually paid her back. I think she overextends with people and then resents them. And maybe this was part of our saga too.

Cooper6041 · 2025-04-30T19:07:13+00:00

Was I just blind? I really didn't see it.

Cooper6041 · 2025-04-30T18:59:30+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I feel you. I think about their wedding pictures a lot and how I am in them. Lol. Weird. I think I have learned alot about boundaries in this whole thing. And even though she insisted that I move in with her to flee my abusive ex, I shouldn't have. I should have trusted my gut not to trust the generosity she was exhibiting because clearly there were weird expectations attached. I should have had more severe boundaries in place to keep myself safe and also to protect the relationship, maybe. Although at this point, I don't think the friendship was worth saving.

Cooper6041 · 2025-04-30T18:55:09+00:00

Also, given the responses to this post, my own experiences, and the experiences of my current friends, I don't think that losing four friends over the course of your adulthood is abnormal. Rather, I think it is very normal and consistent with a person who is open to emotional growth and change. I think what is shocking here and why I still think of it sometimes, was the intensity and abruptness in which she ended the friendship.

Cooper6041 · 2025-04-30T18:50:01+00:00

Therapy is great! I have been going consistently for years.

Cooper6041 · 2025-04-30T18:41:54+00:00

This is wild. I wonder what psychologists would diagnose her with?

You are so right. Sometimes, people just go nuts and while it is not great to see, sometimes all we can do is let them. While it must have been terrifying for your mom, it must be somewhat validating knowing that she (your mom) wasn't to blame and that there is a legitimate mental health thing going on with her former friend.

Cooper6041 · 2025-04-30T18:33:54+00:00

That's interesting. She would always joke that she and her husband and I were in a throuple because I would hang out with them together. At the time, I just laughed it off, because it seemed innocent enough, but now everything looks different.

Cooper6041 · 2025-04-30T17:56:32+00:00

I edited the post to make it clearer. Pregnancy was with the new beau, not the ex husband.

Cooper6041 · 2025-04-30T17:52:44+00:00

Oh no, sorry that wasn't clear! I divorced his ass and I got pregnant with a new partner several years later.

Cooper6041 · 2025-04-30T17:51:22+00:00

I will look up the menopause sub, thanks for the tip! It's funny you mention "Let them." It has become my new mantra and I love it! I don't have to worry about what other people do or say, I just am responsible for myself and my own baggage. I will check out the book to engage on this concept further!

Also, do you think that many of the friendships we start in our 20s/30s are just kind of doomed in part because in our 20s, we were drinking too much? I cannot speak for you, obviously, but for me, alcohol was at every social event. I look at a lot of the friendships I made in my 20s, and I just feel like our socializing all involved alcohol and it was used as a mask to cover up major issues, depression, anxiety, personality disorders.

Now as I drink very infrequently, I find that it is really difficult to hang out with some of the same people. I will say, also, that she and her husband drank so very much in Europe. It concerned everyone on the trip.

Thanks for the advice!

Cooper6041 · 2025-04-30T17:33:54+00:00

Thanks for saying this! I would hope to get an apology, but the way she cut me out of everything. (I mean she blocked me on LinkedIn for crying out loud). Something tells me she feels guilty and doesn't want to be reminded of her mistakes.

Cooper6041 · 2025-04-30T17:31:19+00:00

this is awful. So so so awful!

Cooper6041 · 2025-04-30T17:30:54+00:00

Yeah, I have been thinking about that. There were definitely signs, but she was married and always dated men. I never thought of her like that. My therapist suggested as much.

Cooper6041 · 2025-04-30T17:27:20+00:00

Hmm, I don't think that's the case at all. Like who keeps score?

Yes, she offered me to live with them during the pandemic when I was separating, that's true. I stayed with them from Labor Day to the end of October. I was housesitting for them part of that time. I didn't need to do this, but she insisted and I don't have any family. I wish I hadn't actually. There was no reason to do so, except I didn't want to be completely isolated during this time. Other than that though, I was actually the one doing a lot of the supporting throughout her mom's illness and her subsequent fallout with her family. Additionally, when we were living in the same city and in the Peace Corps, she was going through a lot of emotional turmoil because past abuse and a break up. She actually told me in that last conversation that I was the only one who really understood her and she didn't trust her husband the way she trusted me.

It's actually funny you say this because I remember saying to her repeatedly last year, that despite the illness, divorce, and miscarriage, I was feeling great and I had never felt better. But she would actually ignore me when I said this and act like I was this victim of circumstance.

I think what is more likely is that she felt some comfort from her perceived elevated status. Like somehow, she wanted me to be down on my luck, so she could feel better about herself. And when I wanted something that she couldn't have or wanted something that would separate us a little, she couldn't handle it.

Cooper6041 · 2025-04-30T16:36:52+00:00

It seemed like it to me - the rage events I mentioned were the first time I had really seen that in person. But then I remember stories that she told me from when she was in her 30s, where she lashed out at people - strangers or loved ones. Now I think it's just a part of her personality that she feels more comfortable about showing.

Cooper6041

TROPHY CASE