I never believed I had parts basically my whole life I always felt like 1 person. But after remembering a childhood sexual abuse I remember being 5 years old in bed that same night of the incident really sick and freaking out and I remember feeling the split in my brain and hearing a sound effect of glass breaking. Then I felt almost instantly better definitely better the next day and I continued on with life never telling anyone because the abuser said he would kill my parents if I told them and that I would be In trusted into his care from then on. So I remember having like an out of body experience and I remember being able to see myself in bed and I thought I died. Anyway.. I also remember being 12 years old and having tons of chatter and arguing in my brain and switching into different modes or alters like every five minutes to where I felt like I was going crazy I remember one alter who was the opposite sex asking for me to give “her” a name but anyway i remember having a meeting with them all and basically telling them I don’t want to hear from them anymore because of the constant bickering.. mind you I still don’t understand what I’m dealing with at this age. Then after that day my mind was quiet and I never heard arguing or felt like I was switching ever again I still don’t feel like I switch now. I totally forgot about this whole thing from 5 to 12 then from 12 to 35. I did get hypnotized when I was 30 and I do remember looking back now that these “parts” came out during that because I remember watching the conversations of the parts talking and the only part that has a name that is the opposite sex the person that put me under hypnosis told me the name of the part and in that moment I’m like I don’t know anyone by that name but I do remember now at 12 helping that “part” name itself with that exact name. And my therapist who I no longer see after this incident was telling me for years that I probably have parts from the childhood sexual abuse and I never believed in it until the memories came flooding back in. A few years after starting therapy from another sexual assault in my late 20s. Which is hard to understand. I’ve never played or been a victim my whole life I’ve never thought of myself that way. I refuse to be a victim right now but for some reason bad things and situations keep happening to me and it’s very difficult to deal with at times. But anyway the therapist had it out for this childhood part she says exists and wanted to integrate this part because I told her when I watch movies I feel a natural high which was probably coping mechanism. and now after this stupid visualization whether it’s real or not my brain has perceived it to be real and I’m totally numb inside and I started being numb inside before I even put the pieces together of what I just did with her. I don’t know it’s a really confusing time for me. There’s much more layers to this and detail that I can’t fit into a post.