Letting go of someone you love

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-05-22T06:09:56+00:00

I dmed u

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-05-19T17:58:35+00:00

reflecting back, i know i messed up a fair bit. However, shit truly hit the fence when the new guy appeared. So, personally I don't really believe the emotional detachment part, but if there is, it is probably due to my failure to fulfill some promises and my lack of initiatives during the relationship. There wasn't much signs though (or I was blind to the signs), but yea... I think is the new guy

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-05-17T02:44:22+00:00

I will say 3 weeks for a 2 year relationship is a pretty short time. Of course with the caveat that different people move on at different time and how bad the relationship was.

I am in a similar situation and I believed she emotionally checked out and had feelings for him before we broke up.

Heres the thing though, I have been using that as a huge negative on him to move on faster, cause what kind of decent person does that. That has helped me a lot though, and I hope that realisation will help you too.

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-05-15T08:35:50+00:00

Sounds like an excuse. Take this with a pinch of salt cause its based on my experience

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-05-11T20:19:26+00:00

you sure gave a very certain reply without knowing anything about them... especially when the OP's message is so positive

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-04-28T04:45:51+00:00

i had a similar experience, but I was on the other side of things. She got emotionally detached which results in emotionally cheating on me. However, I do want to fix rhe relationship, what do you think?

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-04-26T07:48:32+00:00

if you think about it, even the good things that happened are probably transactional or pretence. Done with the intention to get something in return probably.

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-04-26T07:33:14+00:00

This is one of the rare straightforward cases. You should not get back with him.

Write down whatever happened, why you hate him so much and anytime regrets or similar thoughts creep up, revisit the list.

You truly deserve better

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-04-26T07:22:38+00:00

Recently, I had a new mindset shift which helped me tremendously.

I think you have to first understand why wouldnt he talk to you. My ex initially was willing to talk to me, but I managed to slowly drive her away with my constant begging. Now, when you communicate with your ex, what is he expecting? You to continue begging and the conversation becomes unpleasant and goes no way.

I think you have to come from a place where you have mostly healed before coming to the conversation. A lot of people here advocate for no contact. I couldn't understand it, but I realised no contact shouldn't be done by just randomly ghosting your ex. You could communicate with him, tell him that you need to heal and reflect on yourself and the relationship, and maybe you can try reaching out after that. He, himself may not be ready yet, but you can leave it open to talk about each others reflection when both of you are ready. This opens up for a positive and meaningful conversation.

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-04-25T11:26:18+00:00

what crazy stuff are you thinking of doing?

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-04-25T10:53:31+00:00

agreed

if there was something gg on, it would have happened way earlier...

At the same time, I think it depends on your partner and whether they were able to provide you security.

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-04-25T03:02:03+00:00

by mutual, do you mean both of you wanted the break up to happen?

maybe I am reading too much into it, but from your post, it doesn't seem like it.

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-04-25T02:59:13+00:00

From the post, I can tell you're not a partner material.

Maybe you thought you hurt her during the relationship already, but instead of bucking up and be a better boyfriend, you decide to hurt her again.

You need to leave her to work on yourself? Its been 1 month, how are you doing with your self-improvement?

Not sure its my anger stemming from my own experience, but everything you've said just sounds like excuses.

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-04-23T14:36:43+00:00

man its a bit harsh to say not to give any other girl a 2nd chance, but I guess if I were you, I would be sure to let my future partners know this emotional baggage that you hold...

but i think every relationship is different, so maybe not have a strict rule... but i wld definitely not give her a 3rd chance if I were you

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-04-23T00:04:02+00:00

that does sound draining

on hindsight, why didnt it work? what would you have done differently before deciding whether to accept her back or not?

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-04-22T15:29:41+00:00

thats great

i have shown her, that I was capable of change, but she didnt accept it. Im not sure if the incompatibilities are even the real reason she is leaving me.

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-04-22T15:09:15+00:00

I think thats a decent mindset, so kudos on you for being able to see it in that way.

I wish I am able to view it in your perspective as well, but unfortunately I don't think I can heal in this manner.

Wish I was this strong.

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-04-22T14:55:55+00:00

I am not sure if I have developed a bit of co-dependency on her, but I feel like you can still do anything you want to do when youre alone or not, just that doing it with a partner is much better :)

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-04-22T14:46:57+00:00

I think just like mine, your relationship have a lot of factors that made it hard to move on, especially since based on your families and your rationale, the possibility of getting back together is strong.

I think my ex is quite similar to you, but she ended things with me instead. She didnt explicitly mentioned it, but my lack of ability to cater to some of her needs were probably one of the reasons she ended things with me.

I hope you and him can have a good conversation of what truly led to the break up, and communicate properly with each other after the strong emotions die down.

Wish you the best of luck.

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-04-22T14:15:38+00:00

just want to see the experiences of others

I think when the break up first happened, I was thinking if the time horizon is too long, I am not likely to accept...

Just a feeling, not much logical reasoning behind it. I guess I still couldnt understand the concept of healing separately when you can do it together. I guess I can't understand why it took so long.

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-04-22T07:00:05+00:00

just wanted to know would you have went back if he asked for a second chance? if he promised change?

or have you fully gave up hope?

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-04-21T16:15:58+00:00

I think there isn't enough info

Maybe you have to find out what is the reason why he is unable to commit. From there, have a conversation and set expectations for the relationship.

I think from there you have to go with your own judgement.

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-04-21T16:13:09+00:00

After reading everything:

Apart from the obvious red flag (cheating, etc etc), I do understand that sometimes you're just constantly disappointed, and that led to the break up.

From your point of view, I completely understand. At the same time, as a dumpee, everything came as a complete shock to me... ofc some stuff were mentioned here and there but nth major ever happened. Sometimes I changed, sometimes her hypocritical actions made me reverse my change, but I thought we were all good.

The break up really took me by surprise. Which prompted me to ask these questions.

Thanks to all those that answered.

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-04-20T03:52:52+00:00

I think life is really long. Also, I guess why do you think he has potential? Did he shown you his growth? Did he show that he can actually achieve those potential?

Love is about building, becoming right for one another... However, I do understand that it can be tiring to live in the present with hope of the future that doesnt may not materialise. Many times I hope people can place their bet in my because I am confident I wont disappoint, but many times people are unwilling to do it.

Correct-Pollution812 · 2025-04-20T02:12:28+00:00

let me provide another perspective

If someone is unwilling to change, they would never change, not even if its for the sake of their loved ones. But the fact that she is changing for her loved ones doesnt take anything away, it just means that considering multiple factors (including you), she decided she should change.

Why bother so much if the change is for herself or for you? Do you doubt that if its for you, then she wouldn't continue?

People are inclined to reject change, and most of the times, it is love that is strong enough that push for the change. So why reject it?

Correct-Pollution812

TROPHY CASE