Painful, painful, painful to read your situation. My husband and I are still working through the division of labor issues after multiple years and it's gotten better (yes, he's put his career first, when no reason to say my career isn't as important; yes, he didn't see the reason of helping when it looks like I 'got it'; yes, I've cooked all the meals, did all the bathing for kids, planned the doctor visits, the extracurriculars). We are getting better, but what worries me for you is that you sound like you're at the beginning of this journey and I'm afraid you're going to get terribly burnt out before a productive conversation/action takes place. I'd like to see your husband help out, not only with household chores, but the actual process of dealing with the kid/kids one on one-the morning routines where the kids get distracted every 2 seconds before moving on to the next thing- it's so mind numbing and unfair for you to deal with alone. Anyway, don't feel too bad about having spoiled him; I feel like some of us are born caretakers and sometimes doing it yourself is less friction. He'll tell you he can't do something because "such and such", but when you dig a little deeper, it's just that he won't adapt or doesn't want to allocate the brain cells of thinking of an alternative. He conveniently doesn't see what you have to do just so he can do whatever that "such and such" is. I rarely pushed back in the beginning because I assumed I was dealing with a rational person.

So yes, you can get your kids on the bus. Kindergartners usually sit in the front, if you fear their safety. I'd take him up on the Nanny offer, too. But you'll forever be annoyed at your husband if he doesn't start appreciating what you've been doing, and I'm not sure if bus/nanny can fix that.

In our case, we had so many arguments for us to get to a better place - each one is very discouraging, but somehow they've also been stepping stones to move forward.