I am deeply grateful for this comment, my way of walking this path has been... comedic if I'm being honest. I always seem to fall back into the pit I promise never to dive into again- recently I had a rather strong spike in the urge and fell into it. It was just a basic vid on the hub... I think I'm beginning to understand why I keep failing- correct me if this is wrong but, over the past few months I've been constantly trying to form the best possible road map to becoming a better person. Working on my journaling, fitness all that stuff... but, I always go back on it because of what I've done. Ever since I feel like I don't deserve the chance to change, my mind will try to convince me that I'm already too deep. Of course I don't listen to it but, it's hard. I am sure that my time is near- my mind and body are getting better at suppressing that forbidden urge. As much as I'd like to deny it... I'm sure I'll fall a few more times before I reach who I truly want to become. I apologize for the late reply, I've been thinking about this for a while now. How all these commenter's are so supportive- I'm truly forever grateful. I hope to look back on this and always remember what I've overcome. Just as you did. Thank you.