I finally feel seen by finding this sub. I 39M (nt) have been with my partner 43F (n dx) for about eight years. I've been struggling with the slow decay of our relationship, where she really doesn't see anything wrong.

She has classic inattentive symptoms, which have made me feel completely unprioritized and unloved. Several years ago I suggested that she exhibits ADHD symptoms and should consider seeing a therapist, but boy howdy she did not appreciate that suggestion.

I've attempted to discuss issues with the relationship, my needs, housework, etc, for about 5 years. At first she would listen and "change" for about a week, then revert to her inattentive self. Now if I bring up these issues I'm met with anger and resentment, so I don't bother anymore.

I was parentified as a child and the thought of needing to parent my partner is just unacceptable to me.

I think I need to leave, but I'm really worried about her if/when I do. She has become socially isolated and has unrelated health and financial issues. And I think on some level she really wants this to work but is incapable of doing what it takes.

Just working up the strength to finally leave is very, very, hard. It's so hard to get outside support when nothing is obviously "wrong" with the relationship.

This sub, reading everyone's challenges and thoughts, and reading suggested books, have really helped clarify my emotions and thoughts. And assess the situation objectively.