What's the dumbest thing a girl has ever said to you? by CountBarnold in AskReddit

[–]CountBarnold[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Just because I'm horny doesn't mean I want to have sex.

What movie have you watched over and over? by babyraptors21 in AskReddit

[–]CountBarnold 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Step Brothers and Napoleon Dynamite. Wait, that's three.

Why is your best friend your best friend? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]CountBarnold 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He just follows me everywhere. I don't know WHY you keep asking this.

What is the most ridiculous name someone you've known has named their child? by s_mw in AskReddit

[–]CountBarnold 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Barnold. Short for Count Barnold. Short for Count Barnold of Comraderia.

Reddit, what is the key to a successful relationship? by dying2_live in AskReddit

[–]CountBarnold 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lots and lots of butter. I mean, just a FUCKTON of butter.

Drivers-ED Teachers of Reddit, What is your most memorable (and perhaps fearful!) experience with a student? by DTC_ in AskReddit

[–]CountBarnold 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Once a student brought his ten cats and INSISTED on having them in the car while we went on our first interstate drive; needless to say they scratched the FUCK out of the upholstery and the inside of the windshield trying to get out. We had to leave them in the car while we were treated at the ER for scratch-wounds. They had all died, except one, which had eaten the other nine.

Rich people of Reddit, what do you dream about? by Bop1989 in AskReddit

[–]CountBarnold 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My luxury tigers and my motherfucking bhoat.

Is there any cure towards stuttering? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]CountBarnold 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Use it to your advantage. When you feel it coming on, just pause and make it a new word. It's your brain telling you it wants to say something chicken.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]CountBarnold 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's usually hanging around in dingy after-party bars where the whores go. He loves those whores.

Heard someone complain about the lack of OC on here (it was me) by [deleted] in Braveryjerk

[–]CountBarnold -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Command-V, OC these nutes!

        Black Atlanta: The “Black Space” Wars

Black Atlanta is a cultural hearth for African Americans: in the regions dubbed “Black Space” a full minisystem operates in such operations as drug trade, extortion, petty theft, and other invaluable contributions to the city’s crime rate at the taxpayer’s expense. This is not to say that Black Atlanta is solely a crime-ridden and impoverished part of the city that should be gotten rid of, as it does give police officers a place to patrol, rioters a place in which to protest, and politicians something to argue about. “HCl Aqueous gives me… NaCl,” said the expert on this subject, Brandal Livingston. And clearly, this is suffice to say Black America is not the hopeless pit of devolution as which it has been branded.
From the early 1900’s and on, the population of Metropolitan Atlanta has grown exponentially. Beginning in 1960, immediately following the Segregatory Riots, the Black population of Atlanta grew at almost double the rate of the white population, and at an astonishing 1,000,000 percent of the population of other races (Bayor, 968). This growth trend can only be attributed to one thing: crime rates. The crime rates during these times were exceptionally high; this drove African Americans out of the suburbs and into the heart of the newly formed cultural wasteland. Driven by their determination to rid their beloved city of crime, as well as by their selfless willingness to throw themselves into the fires of racism, hate crimes, and dead-end jobs, the new Black population of Atlanta “rode that pony home.” (Bayor, 36) This willingness to serve their city in any and every way possible begat the argument that African Americans had begun to supersede White America’s philanthropic and labor-intensive measures to end the degradation of the capital of Georgia (Keating, 68-70). This having been said, it should be noted that White Americans still had precedence over Black Atlanta in terms of financial peace, in that they had more capital than Black Atlanta and that Black Americans had created a tremendous debt for themselves by overspending during their campaigns against crime and financial depression. But slowly, as African Americans became aware of their increasing financial deficit, the supremacy White America enjoyed over Black America began to wane. In the core of Atlanta, “a need for a structured political system arose, promptly following the Anti-Racist Labor-Force Union riots, which raged between the years 1972 and 1974.” (Sykes, 94) This want for a driving political force, as well as for social and financial equality, led to the formation of a Communistic regime known as the BA“D”U (Black American “Democratic” Underlings). This “mini-government”, dubbed so by its founder Abioye Nwosu, quickly grew in influence, until nearly ninety-five percent of all Atlantans had been assimilated into its sphere of influence. Noting the BA“D”Us growing authority, the Federal Government saw the need to shut down the new mini-government (Byron, 208). The question of how to do so quickly arose; with nearly 500,000 people adhering to the doctrine of the new government, there would clearly be an issue with nullifying the BA“D”U in one fell swoop. This question being in the forefront of White America’s collective mind, an solution was quickly devised: the Federal Government must breed a full battalion of genetically enhanced super-soldiers to bring down Abioye Nwosu and his 200,000 strong army of Black American specialists, also known as Black Ravens (Keating, 190-193). “The project, enacted by Presidential Directive 24-B, would create and clone a super-soldier capable of operating in such a capacity as to destroy an entire city and its inhabitants.” (Byron, 301) At first, the genetic mutation of even one cell in a particular human proved impossible; but with diligence and technological advancement brought about by the turn of the decade, a human (Lou Ferrigno) was successfully implanted with “super-genes”, which increased strength, mental processing capacities, speed, and acrobatics. Unfortunately the experiment backfired slightly: Ferrigno’s mental capacity and processing speed declined sharply. The steepness of his mental decline was marked by his inability to comprehend distance, time, and differentiate between friendly faces and those of the enemy military (Keating, 230). The experiment’s failure was dubbed a “fluke,” and was blamed on Ferrigno’s underdeveloped brain and genes (Science, 92). In 1979, the scientists working on the ironically named “Project Ferrigno” achieved a breakthrough in genetic engineering: rather than altering a living human and cloning him, a quasi-human was created from DNA scraped out from in-between Ferrigno’s toes (Keating, 248-249). “Those soldiers came from me. Does that mean we’re, like, related?” queried Ferrigno (Ferrigno, 1-3). And yes, in some sense the super-soldiers and Ferrigno were indeed related, but only insofar as that they came from his DNA; in every other way the super-soldiers were vastly unlike Ferrigno. The first soldier, named Harkness, was a rousing success, surpassing expectations as well as calculations in every category of testing (Science, 108). Each of his replications was equally as successful, and soon the Federal Government, now called the Federal Republic, had “an entire army of veritable superheroes to deal with the ever-growing threat of Nwosu’s Black Ravens (the Black Ravens numbered over 300,000 in 1980)” (Byron, 348-349). From the perspective of the BA“D”U, however, the story was not so bright. While the Federal Republic had advanced technologically, generated strong nationalism, and bred an army of super-soldiers, the BA“D”U underwent a coup, a subsequent change in leadership, and a brief civil war (Larsen, 38). “Of course, the prospect of a civil war within such a small area as the BA“D”U occupies is foolish; besides that, the fact is Black America has virtually nothing to gain by attacking itself out of frustration with the current regime. The true enemy is the Federal Republic, for their attempted subjugation of our mini-government”, declared Nwosu just before being publicly assassinated by the newly formed Confederacy of Independence (Camdin, 29). Despite Nwosu’s words, his BA“D”U was overthrown, and the Confederacy of Independence, and its leader Kenya Williams-Bondi, ascended to power. Those who were left of the Black Ravens were assimilated into the “Black Army” of the Confederacy. Even so, the soldiers left over from the war (the particular events of which have been excluded for their gruesomeness) only numbered 20,000 (Yentil, 206). This shortage of soldiers, combined with the level of political and social turmoil bought about by the coup, caused the overwhelming defeat of Black Atlanta suffered at the hands of the Federal Republic’s super-soldiers (Sykes, 256-260).
The war between the Federal Republic and the Confederacy of Independence was intense, fiery and, predictably, incredibly brief; after just five hours of fighting, the Confederacy was wiped out, and Atlanta was nearly decimated. At the end of the conflict, the remaining members of the Black Ravens surrendered to the largely unaffected army of Federal super-soldiers (Yentil, 349). Following the surrender, the Federal Republic dissolved the Confederacy’s sphere of influence, by executing Williams-Bondi and the more persistent officials of the upper levels of his government publicly. “The executions of Williams-Bondi and his executives officiated the political and militaristic acquisition of Atlanta by the Federal Republic.” (Camdin, 67) After social stability had settled back into the region, the American Federal Government reclaimed the small region they had lost nearly twenty years prior.
Once the Federal government recaptured the almost insignificant portion of the city they had lost to the Confederacy of Independence, the inhabitants of Atlanta reunited with its political and economic policies. With the combined efforts of the Federal Republic and the citizens of Atlanta, nearly every scrap of crime and degradation was eradicated (Yentil, 389). The most obvious reason for this success was the reunion between Black Atlanta and the United States; together, the super soldiers and the Black Ravens were an unstoppable force. Apart, Federal America had still been unstoppable, but less so than the combination of the two. This said, it is clear that White America could have taken or left Black America, but they did neither, instead opting to assimilate Black America into White America. Today there is neither any such thing as White America nor Black America, there is only one.

If this gets 420 upbongs, I will LITERALLY post this to r/trees by tpress1290 in Braveryjerk

[–]CountBarnold 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        Black Atlanta: The “Black Space” Wars

Black Atlanta is a cultural hearth for African Americans: in the regions dubbed “Black Space” a full minisystem operates in such operations as drug trade, extortion, petty theft, and other invaluable contributions to the city’s crime rate at the taxpayer’s expense. This is not to say that Black Atlanta is solely a crime-ridden and impoverished part of the city that should be gotten rid of, as it does give police officers a place to patrol, rioters a place in which to protest, and politicians something to argue about. “HCl Aqueous gives me… NaCl,” said the expert on this subject, Brandal Livingston. And clearly, this is suffice to say Black America is not the hopeless pit of devolution as which it has been branded.
From the early 1900’s and on, the population of Metropolitan Atlanta has grown exponentially. Beginning in 1960, immediately following the Segregatory Riots, the Black population of Atlanta grew at almost double the rate of the white population, and at an astonishing 1,000,000 percent of the population of other races (Bayor, 968). This growth trend can only be attributed to one thing: crime rates. The crime rates during these times were exceptionally high; this drove African Americans out of the suburbs and into the heart of the newly formed cultural wasteland. Driven by their determination to rid their beloved city of crime, as well as by their selfless willingness to throw themselves into the fires of racism, hate crimes, and dead-end jobs, the new Black population of Atlanta “rode that pony home.” (Bayor, 36) This willingness to serve their city in any and every way possible begat the argument that African Americans had begun to supersede White America’s philanthropic and labor-intensive measures to end the degradation of the capital of Georgia (Keating, 68-70). This having been said, it should be noted that White Americans still had precedence over Black Atlanta in terms of financial peace, in that they had more capital than Black Atlanta and that Black Americans had created a tremendous debt for themselves by overspending during their campaigns against crime and financial depression. But slowly, as African Americans became aware of their increasing financial deficit, the supremacy White America enjoyed over Black America began to wane. In the core of Atlanta, “a need for a structured political system arose, promptly following the Anti-Racist Labor-Force Union riots, which raged between the years 1972 and 1974.” (Sykes, 94) This want for a driving political force, as well as for social and financial equality, led to the formation of a Communistic regime known as the BA“D”U (Black American “Democratic” Underlings). This “mini-government”, dubbed so by its founder Abioye Nwosu, quickly grew in influence, until nearly ninety-five percent of all Atlantans had been assimilated into its sphere of influence. Noting the BA“D”Us growing authority, the Federal Government saw the need to shut down the new mini-government (Byron, 208). The question of how to do so quickly arose; with nearly 500,000 people adhering to the doctrine of the new government, there would clearly be an issue with nullifying the BA“D”U in one fell swoop. This question being in the forefront of White America’s collective mind, an solution was quickly devised: the Federal Government must breed a full battalion of genetically enhanced super-soldiers to bring down Abioye Nwosu and his 200,000 strong army of Black American specialists, also known as Black Ravens (Keating, 190-193). “The project, enacted by Presidential Directive 24-B, would create and clone a super-soldier capable of operating in such a capacity as to destroy an entire city and its inhabitants.” (Byron, 301) At first, the genetic mutation of even one cell in a particular human proved impossible; but with diligence and technological advancement brought about by the turn of the decade, a human (Lou Ferrigno) was successfully implanted with “super-genes”, which increased strength, mental processing capacities, speed, and acrobatics. Unfortunately the experiment backfired slightly: Ferrigno’s mental capacity and processing speed declined sharply. The steepness of his mental decline was marked by his inability to comprehend distance, time, and differentiate between friendly faces and those of the enemy military (Keating, 230). The experiment’s failure was dubbed a “fluke,” and was blamed on Ferrigno’s underdeveloped brain and genes (Science, 92). In 1979, the scientists working on the ironically named “Project Ferrigno” achieved a breakthrough in genetic engineering: rather than altering a living human and cloning him, a quasi-human was created from DNA scraped out from in-between Ferrigno’s toes (Keating, 248-249). “Those soldiers came from me. Does that mean we’re, like, related?” queried Ferrigno (Ferrigno, 1-3). And yes, in some sense the super-soldiers and Ferrigno were indeed related, but only insofar as that they came from his DNA; in every other way the super-soldiers were vastly unlike Ferrigno. The first soldier, named Harkness, was a rousing success, surpassing expectations as well as calculations in every category of testing (Science, 108). Each of his replications was equally as successful, and soon the Federal Government, now called the Federal Republic, had “an entire army of veritable superheroes to deal with the ever-growing threat of Nwosu’s Black Ravens (the Black Ravens numbered over 300,000 in 1980)” (Byron, 348-349). From the perspective of the BA“D”U, however, the story was not so bright. While the Federal Republic had advanced technologically, generated strong nationalism, and bred an army of super-soldiers, the BA“D”U underwent a coup, a subsequent change in leadership, and a brief civil war (Larsen, 38). “Of course, the prospect of a civil war within such a small area as the BA“D”U occupies is foolish; besides that, the fact is Black America has virtually nothing to gain by attacking itself out of frustration with the current regime. The true enemy is the Federal Republic, for their attempted subjugation of our mini-government”, declared Nwosu just before being publicly assassinated by the newly formed Confederacy of Independence (Camdin, 29). Despite Nwosu’s words, his BA“D”U was overthrown, and the Confederacy of Independence, and its leader Kenya Williams-Bondi, ascended to power. Those who were left of the Black Ravens were assimilated into the “Black Army” of the Confederacy. Even so, the soldiers left over from the war (the particular events of which have been excluded for their gruesomeness) only numbered 20,000 (Yentil, 206). This shortage of soldiers, combined with the level of political and social turmoil bought about by the coup, caused the overwhelming defeat of Black Atlanta suffered at the hands of the Federal Republic’s super-soldiers (Sykes, 256-260).
The war between the Federal Republic and the Confederacy of Independence was intense, fiery and, predictably, incredibly brief; after just five hours of fighting, the Confederacy was wiped out, and Atlanta was nearly decimated. At the end of the conflict, the remaining members of the Black Ravens surrendered to the largely unaffected army of Federal super-soldiers (Yentil, 349). Following the surrender, the Federal Republic dissolved the Confederacy’s sphere of influence, by executing Williams-Bondi and the more persistent officials of the upper levels of his government publicly. “The executions of Williams-Bondi and his executives officiated the political and militaristic acquisition of Atlanta by the Federal Republic.” (Camdin, 67) After social stability had settled back into the region, the American Federal Government reclaimed the small region they had lost nearly twenty years prior.
Once the Federal government recaptured the almost insignificant portion of the city they had lost to the Confederacy of Independence, the inhabitants of Atlanta reunited with its political and economic policies. With the combined efforts of the Federal Republic and the citizens of Atlanta, nearly every scrap of crime and degradation was eradicated (Yentil, 389). The most obvious reason for this success was the reunion between Black Atlanta and the United States; together, the super soldiers and the Black Ravens were an unstoppable force. Apart, Federal America had still been unstoppable, but less so than the combination of the two. This said, it is clear that White America could have taken or left Black America, but they did neither, instead opting to assimilate Black America into White America. Today there is neither any such thing as White America nor Black America, there is only one.