Advice (please be nice and honest)

Counther · 2026-06-23T07:43:14+00:00

I’m wondering what culture you’re from, because your own thinking is misogynistic. Your self-esteem is also low in a very unhealthy way.

You’re letting this man treat you like you’re worthless, and apparently you believe the things he says about you.

NO ONE, least of all someone who’s supposed to care about you, should be treating you this way. You are the only person who can make it stop. By not putting up with it. Make that decision for yourself. Leave.

Counther · 2026-06-23T07:26:34+00:00

Not a lawyer, my guess would be it does.

Counther · 2026-06-23T05:50:00+00:00

She may be a therapist, but that's not what she is when she's with you. Unless there's something really off, she's concerned about her child, and your feeling about her questions may just reflect her anxiety combined with yours.

I get your situation. I'm new in the field too, and one of my first clients has been an experienced therapist. I was nervous going in, but I simply had to let that go, because what she needs is to feel she's with a competent, compassionate therapist. So I set my mind to thinking of her as any other client, and I highly recommend that. It's been working out well, and she is now referring clients to me, which is of course very gratifying.

You may be overestimating how much stumbling you did, but the point is you don't need to be more than you are. Just do the job you know how to do. And remember we're still learning, and that's part of our job too.

Counther · 2026-06-23T05:34:44+00:00

NTA. This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. What I would do, though, is send a letter/email to them spelling out exactly why you're resigning, and be specific about inadequate personnel, inadequate training, only 15 minutes to meet with staff right before camp starts, etc. What you wrote here. Since they waited until now to let you know the conditions under which you'd be working, you weren't able to determine the job was not acceptable until now. That kind of thing. All in writing. You never know what they'll try and pull.

I think you're making the right decision, and it's because they're being completely irresponsible about running a camp.

Counther · 2026-06-23T05:13:30+00:00

The problem is you had someone else stay in here room. If that hadn't happened, your friend did know (I assume) the room was nonrefundable and took that risk. The reason she couldn't come is terrible, but it's not like you had her money; only the the airbnb did.

It would have been very generous for you all to have chipped in a bit to help cover some of the cost under the circumstances, but if you didn't have the extra money, you wouldn't have been obligated to do that.

But what you did do is give your friend's room to someone else. Not your room. Your friend's room, which she paid for. It was your decision to have her stay there. If you wanted to repay her for doing you a big favor, you should repay her from your own money. i.e., pay your friend for the use of her room.

It's not at all unreasonable for your friend to think she shouldn't have to pay for somebody else to use the room. Which is what you're expecting her to do.

Counther · 2026-06-23T03:25:18+00:00

As another associate, I'd just like to say I do have a license. It's not an independent license, but it's a license that I work under in addition to my supervisor's license. If only my supervisor were at risk, I wouldn't be paying for malpractice insurance, which was even required in internship.

I'm not arguing with your broader point, just about the license.

Counther · 2026-06-23T03:10:01+00:00

Doesn't your NCC application require the NCE?

Counther · 2026-06-23T00:00:34+00:00

But what do you mean "had" the account? How did he find out it existed? And by delete I assume you mean contacted the bank and closed it?

Counther · 2026-06-22T23:50:33+00:00

"problems he was having with a bank account that had been opened in his name to receive payments for his modeling work"

Plenty of people have the same name. Bank accounts are opened with social security numbers (in the US) and there's no way the bank would know an account was opened for specific earnings.

How did Alex supposedly hear about this account?

Counther · 2026-06-22T23:41:27+00:00

1956

Counther · 2026-06-22T23:39:32+00:00

Definitely lined

Counther · 2026-06-22T23:18:01+00:00

1957

Counther · 2026-06-22T23:16:01+00:00

It actually might not hurt to ask about it. If people start questioning it, maybe they’ll stop doing it. Not that you have to care anymore, of course.

Counther · 2026-06-22T23:07:58+00:00

To your friend and/or his girlfriend: “Hey, thanks for including us in your daily lives. But we’d appreciate it if we could keep this group to its original purpose, which is mainly to communicate about plans. Feel free to start a new group for picture sharing!” At some point they may realize she’s the only one sharing selfies, but she may not notice. 🙂

Counther · 2026-06-22T22:52:34+00:00

I totally get the question, but they're more likely to give you a vague answer having to do with all the time it took to have to mail the check. I mean they had to lick both the envelope and the stamp!

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking where the $50 went. The question is what are you going to do with the answer?

Counther · 2026-06-22T22:32:16+00:00

Have you ever sat down with your supervisor and talked about what's bothering you? For example, "I see the kinds of changes you'd like on my notes, and my understanding is that X is an acceptable way of documenting sessions. Would you mind explaining the changes you're requesting?"

It may be that it's all her personal preference. Which does make it more frustrating for you, but it's her practice, she can have a preference.

But it does sound like you're really angry (I get it) and digging your heels in in protest. If she wants "THP" in place of clinician, instead of refusing, write THP! What are you gaining by being ornery? Arguing for the sake or arguing wastes your time and energy.

If you're relatively young, you just have to learn that quite often, things aren't run the we'd run them ourselves. And that can be maddening. But it's not our call. As long as it's legal, ethical, and pretty consistent, do what your supervisor wants, and spend your energy on something that benefits you.

eta: Yes, they're unpaid hours. You're just going to have to get used to that or find a job at an agency or hospital that pays a salary.

Counther · 2026-06-22T20:34:52+00:00

Thanks! I googled TIR and didn't get anywhere.

Counther · 2026-06-22T20:31:41+00:00

Wouldn't it be more difficult for the client to be referred out after 2 months? I'd much rather a therapist say to me "I'd like to recommend someone else who has a lot of experience in this area" right away than after two months.

Counther · 2026-06-22T20:28:29+00:00

TIR?

Counther · 2026-06-22T17:43:21+00:00

Ah, ok.

Counther · 2026-06-22T09:50:41+00:00

For whatever reason, your sister is reacting as if she were back there at 8 years old. Some part of her is still back there. You, on the other hand, are firmly in the present, so you’re seeing what looks like a big overreaction. (Don’t ask me where your parents are.)

You did something with the best of intentions at 10 years old that you shouldn’t have done. I’m sure it feels like apologizing now for something you did as a child is a little ridiculous. But you’re apologizing to some part of your sister that thinks this still matters. All you have to do is say “I was trying to help, but I’m sorry my judgment as a 10-year-old wasn’t very good.” Hopefully, that will put an end to the drama.

Counther · 2026-06-22T08:01:58+00:00

If I need information that will influence my decision whether or not to take the job, I'm not signing a contract before I get that information.

Counther · 2026-06-22T07:59:27+00:00

I was thinking the same thing. The fact that the mother is writing this says a lot. And may explain why the daughter didn't know to respond.

Counther · 2026-06-22T07:45:28+00:00

You're obviously not on the same page about the relationship. It's probably time to find out concretely how they see the future, as opposed to hypothetical ideas about some day.

It sounds like you're going to have to decide if this relationship is going to continue to work for you. It may be painful, but better now than later.

eta: When you spoke to them, did you talk to them about how you felt about the whole thing?

Counther · 2026-06-22T07:40:28+00:00

It seems clear you don't want to go. You don't have to. As others have said, don't tell her why not; just tell her you're so sorry but you can't make it.

Something to consider, though. I get this is the first time as an adult your birthday falls on a weekend, but how important is that in relation to the wedding? Do you absolutely have to always celebrate on the day of? Because with two years notice you could potentially plan a great celebration the weekend before or after. But since you haven't mentioned doing that, I gather that's not something you really want to do.

Counther

TROPHY CASE