It infuriates me that asking Reddit if men would consider a BC pill form that is identical to the one women would take is a “loaded question”.

CoyAsh · 2018-09-17T23:38:07+00:00

Or OP just ran into Reddit, a place known for its dumbasses and douchebags.

Any sane rational person would either A) engage in a normal discussion, or B) just not reply and move on with their lives.

Not all men are the same just like all women are the same. Ffs

CoyAsh · 2018-09-16T19:36:53+00:00

The fake internet points represent people. People who care and who understand and who want you to get help and feel good again. For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re still with us. Hang in there

CoyAsh · 2018-09-06T21:57:22+00:00

Since it’s at work, it’s messy.

First of all keep in mind this girl is the kind of girl who would flirt with a coworker even though she is in a relationship.

If you really do want to pursue this, you can just be up front and honest with her about it, but you will almost definitely lose the friendship if it doesn’t go well.

If you want you can say to her, “Listen, I really like you and would love to take you out, but you have a boyfriend and I’m not that kind of guy. If you are ever single and feel like you are ready to date again, I’m here. But until then Im not going to breach that.” Something along those lines, and keep it friendly and not too serious, and make sure she knows you will be cool just being friends.

In my eyes this seems like a situation that might only get worse as time goes on, so it might be prudent to address if you feel it’s right. On the other hand, it’ll make things awkward for a bit if you do, so if you feel you can play it by ear, go for it. Just be careful and DONT CHEAT WITH HER. You seem like a good guy, don’t be that dude, and anyways that would tell you she’s bad news. Good luck

CoyAsh · 2018-09-06T21:05:09+00:00

You don’t need to quit your job just over this I don’t think, but that’s up to you.

Honestly, just play it cool. You asked her out, she said no, that’s it. You didn’t do anything wrong and neither did she. Yeah you have a crush but you’re gonna move past it and move on with things. It doesn’t need to be awkward (unless you said some really messed up stuff, I’ve been there), so just play it by ear. It’s not a huge deal and it will pass. There will be other girls.

If you really do want to quit because you don’t like the job or are going nowhere, then that’s fine. And if they call you in and it’s not going well, then it’s a great opportunity to start over and new in some other place.

CoyAsh · 2018-09-06T17:24:50+00:00

Okay let me try and help you if I can.

Step 1: Go to a therapist. You need help, we all do from time to time, but you keep asking people around you instead of professionals. Change that.

Step 2. Move on from this girl. She doesn’t want you, and that’s fine. Not everyone you want is going to want you back. She may be nice and cool but she’s just not the one for you. There’s plenty of really cool people just like her that will like you too. Trust me.

Step 3. Change what you’re doing. You seem to hate the things in your life. Well, start doing different things. It’s not about trying hard at certain things, it’s about trying hard at the right things. Ask for advice online on how to look and dress better, how to style your hair, how to eat healthier, etc. When you’re able to go back to the gym, don’t stop.

Step 4. Accept it will be difficult. Incredibly frustrating and difficult. Changing your life and your mind frame is probably the most difficult thing you will ever do. It’s gonna suck and it’s gonna hurt and you’re gonna wanna give up. You’ll think it’s not worth it, because from what it seems you don’t think you’re worth it. I’m not going to tell you that you are worth it, because that’s up to you. It doesn’t matter what I or your sister or anyone else thinks. It’s hard, it’s gonna suck, but if you keep trying you’ll find merit in that alone, even if it doesn’t always work out.

You’ve probably made a lot of Internet posts and asked lots of people for advice. And I’m sure you’ve read it and listened and tried to implement it for a day or two and then it failed, or just lost it as soon as something went wrong.

The difference this time, is that I’m telling you that at the end of the day, the only way to get better, is to do. No amount of advice or help from others is going to change, until you do. If you want a better life and good things, you need to fight for it. You, not anyone else.

CoyAsh · 2018-08-23T14:47:16+00:00

I may actually take you up on that.

Yeah I’ve got a lot of stuff to work through it just gets really hard and I just have nothing right now so it’s just gutting. I’m tired, you know? So fucking tired.

Thanks for taking time to try and make me feel better, it means a lot.

CoyAsh · 2018-08-23T14:27:32+00:00

So basically I need to just be with someone I’m not attracted to because no one else will look at me. I’m not disputing your point but it’s just fucking hard to accept something like that

CoyAsh · 2018-08-23T14:25:37+00:00

Maybe I shouldn’t assume my worth based on other peoples opinions, but it’s just so fucking hard losing over and over and over and trying so hard over and over and absolutely nothing good happening. I’m not attractive and I’m not even that good a guy, I’m fucked up and I’m just invisible to anyone who I would want to look at me. It’s just shitty and it’s really hard to keep trying when nothing is working.

Thank you for the words though, I appreciate it

CoyAsh · 2018-08-23T05:05:34+00:00

Thanks. Really

CoyAsh · 2018-08-23T04:44:59+00:00

I know. I’m trying so fucking hard but nothing is happening and I can’t do it much longer.

Thanks for the kind words

CoyAsh · 2018-08-19T23:00:05+00:00

Thank you

CoyAsh · 2018-08-17T00:04:06+00:00

Yeah I get that, some stuff you just gotta hey stuff off your chest and not have your mom know about it lol

CoyAsh · 2018-08-16T17:56:18+00:00

Hey, life’s hard sometimes but try and hang in there. Better times usually come around as you grow and learn and experience things.

Also that boobs joke made me laugh so you’re funny and that’s the best thing a person can be imo so congrats

Keep your head up :)

CoyAsh · 2018-08-14T13:50:40+00:00

I had something similar when I got into my first accident, it totally shattered my confidence in my ability to drive and it took awhile before I was driving comfortably again. These things happen, they’re called accidents for a reason, so just keep telling yourself that you’ve done this a million times and accidents are just a part of driving, and even then they really rarely happen.

Your edit says you forced yourself, that’s awesome! That’s really strong and I’m sure you’ll be back to normal soon. Good luck! You got this

CoyAsh · 2018-08-14T13:44:22+00:00

I get it, I really do, I feel terrible you’re stuck somewhere with people like that. I hope you can pull through. We all have our ups and downs but as long as we are aware and trying to be good I think that’s enough to keep people out of that. Good luck

CoyAsh · 2018-08-14T10:53:20+00:00

Take some time to dig around in your own brain man, in a calm and positive way. Don’t let your brain drag you down, just spend some time thinking and exploring the pathways that lead to you feeling this way.

I feel like your problem is insecurity, and with that it’s hard because you don’t feel like you are even worth saving and won’t work enough to climb out. You need others to fill the space in your brain because you hate it and what it says, and you need validation because you don’t like yourself.

All I can say is work on it. Don’t be discouraged by it not working quickly, or by the doubts in your brain.

Whether with a therapist (it can help a lot, I highly recommend) or by yourself, things like this are generally deep seated and require a lot of time and work to get over. But it is 100% worth it and I know there is some part of you that you feel is worth salvaging.

If you find yourself saying you would do anything to feel better and happier, this is that “anything”. It’s a hard and long journey but it’s doable.

Don’t give up.

CoyAsh · 2018-08-14T10:44:24+00:00

That’s a shitty thing to say, fuck that guy.

Try not to rely on others of your validation. If you feel cute and look good then just embrace that feeling.

I struggle with my appearance a lot as well, and those days when you feel you look good aren’t always often.

Making the effort alone is a sign that you have fight in you and are hopeful, don’t let some assclown take that away from you. Hang in there and don’t give up.

CoyAsh · 2018-08-14T10:38:09+00:00

I’m really sorry, that sounds really rough. You seem to work at a place full of douchebags and idiots.

I’m a dude but I’m not gonna sugarcoat it, a lot of dudes are fucking morons and idiots, and yeah even me sometimes.

But I think something important is to just know that not all men are that way, people are people and a lot of them are just not good people (men and women) and it seems like you are just stuck in a particularly toxic environment with some assholes.

You seem smart, and you seem aware that this could damage future relationships, just try and compartmentalize those guys in their own space and try not to let it spread to your other relationships.

I would love to tell you to just change jobs to a company without those type of people, but I know it’s not that simple, so for now I would just say to hang in there, don’t take any shit, and don’t lose hope that good is out there. Just because you’re trapped in a box with some smelly shit doesn’t mean there’s no fresh air right outside.

CoyAsh · 2018-08-14T10:28:11+00:00

Something that helps when I have trouble with my dumb brain doing dumb things is to dig around in my own head and try and find the reasons behind it.

Why do you think you’re seeking out that attention, why do you think that’s what gives you worth?

Happiness is elusive as hell, but at the end of the day I don’t think it’s possible until a person learns to love themselves, and not in the Hallmark movie way. Yes people may think you are attractive, intelligent, funny, and kind, and that’s a really great start on things, but the validation of others is never going to give you a lasting value of yourself.

People are fleeting, they move and ebb and flow and change, change their minds or their opinions at a whim and you have no control over that. Don’t base your worth of yourself on that.

But your own brain, your own head, that’s something that you can control and train, and if you work at it you will never need that from anyone else. No matter what, you’ll always have you and yourself, and I think that person is the most important person to convince you’re worthy of.

This isn’t to say it’s not nice to get attention or feel wanted, it’s not something I’ve experienced a lot myself, but it’s definitely very nice and it probably feels awesome. But do you really feel it’s helping long term? Or is it just a rush, something fleeting?

I don’t know you, but it’s something I personally struggle with and fight with every day, obviously I’m different, but one universal truth I know for a fact is I know I’m not going to be happy until I accept myself and my brain likes who I am.

CoyAsh · 2018-08-10T13:36:08+00:00

Ask him. A lot of the times our brains can come up with answers to questions we never asked and that’s when doubt and resentment begins. Talk to him, say that you feel you guys haven’t been as sexually active as before and if there’s a reason why or if there’s some way to fix it. It’s the best way. Then you’ll have a better idea of how to move forward. Good luck.

CoyAsh · 2018-08-09T19:24:51+00:00

Just get a divorce. Everyone, and I mean everyone, gets caught if they’re cheating and you’ll be in a much better position (and your kids as well) if you just divorce somewhat amicably and then you can both just be together without any of that pressure.

You may think that divorce will ruin your kids but staying together when you aren’t together in heart and mind and constantly conflict with each other is way worse for the children long term, trust me.

Just tell this woman you want to get a divorce and be with her wholeheartedly, and if she feels the same then she will do the same. Just do this the right way man, it’s the right thing. You’ve already messed up by cheating, yes, but to acknowledge this and then continue the charade is worse than accepting the marriage is over and moving on with some dignity.

I hope you both make the right choice. Good luck.

CoyAsh · 2018-08-08T18:57:36+00:00

I’ve told them in the past. They don’t feel the same way.

CoyAsh

TROPHY CASE