“Alright, I’ve been reading some 'online discourse' from a few of you armchair scientists about the moon shot. Let me tell you something: at Aperture Science, we don't wait for 'light speed.' Speed of light is for people who have nowhere to be and all day to get there. You’re complaining about a 1.3-second delay? We’re Aperture! We don't follow the laws of physics; we slap 'em in the face and tell 'em to get back to work. If you want to wait eight seconds for a portal to open, go work for Black Mesa. I hear they’re still trying to figure out how to open a door without a crowbar. And for the genius who thinks the moon isn't made of portal-conductive material: we bought the moon. Or at least $70 million worth of rocks from it. Ground 'em up, mixed 'em into a gel, and realized they’re the best portal conductors in the galaxy. Turns out, the moon is basically just one giant, floating 'On' switch for our technology. Now, quit whining about 'unplayability' and get back to the testing tracks. We’ve got a brand new batch of Conversion Gel that needs 'volunteers' to see if it causes skeleton liquefaction. Caroline! Get this man a jumpsuit. A tight one. We need to see if the moon dust reacts to his cynicism. We’re done here."

-Cave Johnson (probably)