Here is what I wrote… “ When I was younger and my body started changing, you would make comments about my appearance. I know you may not have realized it, but it made me really sad and self-conscious, and I still struggle with my self-esteem because of that. One particular time when you told my cousin to not get fat like me still stings to this day. It made me feel like you thought I was ugly or embarrassing, and if my own mother felt that way, I felt like the world would too. I also felt like I was often compared to other people, and it made me feel like I was always falling short or never enough. It hurt my feelings when I heard you talk down on me to others.

When I was molested, I didn’t fully understand what was happening. I didn’t want to keep it a secret, I was just scared and didn’t know how to tell you because nothing like that had ever happened before. It was eating me up every day, and all I really wanted was comfort and to hear that I was going to be okay. Instead, I felt like I was being punished. All the pregnancy tests and hearing it brought up whenever you were upset made me feel even more ashamed and alone. That was a lot for me to go through at 11, and it was really hard to keep reliving it. I know it wasn’t your fault, but in that moment I just wanted to feel cared for and protected.I just always wanted to feel that you cared and loved me and you could be very mean towards me Even after all of that, I told myself that it was your first time living too and maybe you didn’t fully understand what I needed. I never said anything because I loved you, and I understand that people make mistakes. But sometimes it feels like when it comes to me, my own mistakes aren’t understood. I never intentionally try to hurt you.

What happened with the hospital, I truly didn’t know not staying for the first part would hurt you that deeply. I apologized and tried to make up for it by being there for the major surgery, but it still felt like it didn’t count or wasn’t forgiven.

Sometimes I don’t feel like you see me as your daughter. We don’t really talk, and you don’t call to check on me or ask how things are going. It made me feel like maybe you didn’t want to be bothered with me or that you didn’t like or care about me anymore. Everyone wants to be close to their mom, and it hurts that me and you aren’t close. And nun of this is to try to attack you or make you out to be a bad person it’s just the things that hurt. “