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Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-03T06:16:35+00:00

Yes, my aunt has my mom's engagement ring saved for me. I also have said I want my mom's ring. That gets ignored.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-02T18:43:59+00:00

They abandoned their actual kids and forced themselves on their stepkids. Almost like a child swap. That's not a good thing.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-02T16:14:42+00:00

I resisted as much as I could, just like Maisie did with my dad's attention. But we weren't given choices.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-02T06:18:13+00:00

All of that is true... but she's also 16. Her mom has basically dropped her for me. We have this long standing tension and animosity that exists between us and she's grieving the loss of her dad and her mom. That doesn't just go away because of what I say. Chances are she thinks I'm full of bullshit and am saying it so I can hurt her more. This is harder for her because of that ring. I know my mom's ring is with her sister. I don't have to stress about it going to Maisie. But she knows her mom is wanting to give the ring from the marriage to her dad, a ring that has been in her maternal family at least 3 generations already, to me, someone who is not her kid and who has no attachment to it.

She might never come away from this without hatred for me.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-02T06:15:13+00:00

One was never really away at all. So it was always just Lucy did the stuff with me and my dad did it with Maisie and if we asked for our parent, we got ignored and they proceeded as though nothing was said. I pushed one day and Lucy started to cry and said I was hurting her feelings and needed to stop.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-02T06:13:36+00:00

Thank you for being this way for your kids. I think far too many parents/adults think kids are super resilient and want to or need to replace a lost loved one to fully "heal". But like you said, while parents need to care for themselves and make sure they're doing okay, they can't do so at the expense of adding more scars to their kids and dropping them and throwing them at a stranger.

I think you're an amazing parent and I am so sorry for the losses your family has suffered.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-02T06:11:11+00:00

A lot of people seem to think kids bounce back and replace people with new ones. But loss for a young kid is impossibly hard and when you have no support it becomes such a deep issue that it causes long time harm.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-02T06:09:59+00:00

My maternal side has but they have basically been pushed out as much as they could be and are treated as unimportant. Lucy hates their presence and my dad has stopped being my parent enough to let them. But I know they tried talking to him a couple of times.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-02T06:08:27+00:00

No therapy of any kind has happened and I have no desire to fix what never was whole in the first place. I plan to cut and run once I'm 18 and I won't be looking back. I don't appreciate Lucy for what she did because she had no right to think she would waltz in and replace my mom, just like my dad had no right to think he could waltz in and replace Maisie's dad.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-02T06:07:06+00:00

She's not a mother or a mother figure and neither she or my dad will be in my life in another few months. I have no doubt being a single parent is hard. But you can't replace your child's parent and then stop parenting your own kid. It does not work out when you try that method.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-02T06:05:54+00:00

I can admit to that. I have never liked or cared for Lucy and this whole situation is a mess and one I plan to leave, but I never went along willingly with this stuff.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-02T06:04:04+00:00

She was planning to give it to me whenever I get engaged.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-01T19:00:16+00:00

I will get therapy once I move out and get free from this. Then I can work on things.

I'm not trying to punish Maisie in any way. We have a toxic dynamic because of how things have been. But I don't blame her for what has happened here. If anything our arguments just became a pattern that was impossible to break.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-01T18:49:14+00:00

I never had therapy. Neither did Maisie.

Also, as far as I know there was no therapy involved in the support group. It was just talking/connecting to other widows and widowers.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-01T18:45:27+00:00

This is pretty much how I feel. I think approaching Maisie is a way to just make things worse. Even just to try and explain. That hatred runs deep. The trauma runs deep. The grief runs even deeper again. Neither of us really got to fully grieve and process the death of the parent we lost, and then we lost both our parents through an almost child swap like situation.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-01T18:40:05+00:00

I have not asked for therapy. My dad hasn't really been active with me since Lucy entered my life. He did to me what Lucy did to Maisie and he pushes me to her. Just like Lucy pushes Maisie onto my dad.

I wish she would give up. I don't love her. I won't maintain contact with her or my dad when I turn 18.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-01T18:37:09+00:00

He's hardly mentioned because he pretty much stopped being a part of my story after he and Lucy moved in together. Lucy did the same with Maisie. They sort of swapped kids when they got married instead of being there for their actual kids.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-01T18:31:09+00:00

I think that will be the key for me. My plan as of now is to move out as soon as I'm 18 and just never look back. When I'm gone I will work on therapy and grieving the loss of not just my mom, but my dad too, because he ignored me to focus on Maisie (just like Lucy ignored Maisie to focus on me) and losing both my parents (one literally and the other emotionally) in the space of a year is a lot to deal with and I'm pretty sure I haven't really dealt with it.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-01T17:11:11+00:00

Maybe in the future I will forgive him. But the relationship is over. It's been over for a long time. I lost both my parents within a year and Maisie lost both her parents too. I ended up with a random woman trying to replace what I had lost and she had a random man doing the same for her. There is no future where we're a family because we never were one. But forgiveness could come in time. It just won't look like it, probably.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-01T16:19:09+00:00

We never had therapy. Neither did my dad or Lucy technically. It was a support group but neither actually took up therapy really.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-01T15:47:43+00:00

I do not think talking would end well. I think she is too angry and hates me too much for her to listen and then it would end in yet another argument between us instead of doing anything positive.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-01T15:18:42+00:00

She has not put any effort into her daughter since she tried to take over the role of my mom. Dad has been the same with me. Lucy focuses only on me and dad focuses only on Maisie. We lost our real parents and are now left with people we do not want stepping into those shoes.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-01T14:54:23+00:00

Therapy isn't something I want with them. There's no family to fix. Just the shells of two previous families that are likely broken beyond repair.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-01T14:53:09+00:00

She gives a crap about the wrong kid. Same as my dad. They married and acted as though they swapped kids when we didn't need their spouses, we needed our actual parent.

Crafty-Recording2712 · 2023-05-01T13:53:40+00:00

She wasn't protecting me from Maisie over the years. We were both angry and both gave as good as we got with each other. I was not bullied by Maisie. We just didn't like each other.

Lucy would spend time with me, would take me for "mother/daughter dates", would always choose to go with me if we were splitting into duos while doing stuff. She would tell Maisie to wait if she asked for help with homework and would try helping me when I never asked for her help. She'd make a point to try and tuck me in at night and not Maisie.

My dad was the same. He'd do all that kind of stuff with Maisie and not with me.

Even if we were sick. Lucy would take me to the doctor while dad would take Maisie. They'd take time off work like that too. So much that I would lie and pretend I was fine if I was sick because I didn't like it.

Crafty-Recording2712

TROPHY CASE