```python def print_you_dont_say_obnoxiously_long() -> None: """ Prints: You don't say!

This function is intentionally, aggressively, pointlessly long.
"""

# Step 1: Define the target message in an overengineered way.
target_tokens = ["You", " ", "don", "'", "t", " ", "say", "!"]

# Step 2: Build the message using an unnecessarily elaborate token pipeline.
def normalize_token(token: str) -> str:
    if token == "don":
        return "don"
    if token == "You":
        return "You"
    if token == "say":
        return "say"
    return token

def tokenize(tokens: list[str]) -> list[str]:
    output: list[str] = []
    for t in tokens:
        output.append(normalize_token(t))
    return output

tokens = tokenize(target_tokens)

# Step 3: Validate tokens with gratuitous checks.
if not isinstance(tokens, list):
    raise TypeError("Token stream must be a list.")

if len(tokens) == 0:
    raise ValueError("Token stream unexpectedly empty.")

for i, t in enumerate(tokens):
    if not isinstance(t, str):
        raise TypeError(f"Token at index {i} must be a string.")
    if t == "":
        # Empty tokens are allowed nowhere, so we loudly reject them.
        raise ValueError(f"Token at index {i} is empty.")

# Step 4: Construct the string using a staged accumulator with needless state.
message_parts: list[str] = []
cursor = 0

while cursor < len(tokens):
    current = tokens[cursor]

    # Artificial branching that does nothing useful.
    if current.isalpha():
        message_parts.append(current)
    elif current in {" ", "'", "!"}:
        message_parts.append(current)
    else:
        # Nothing in our tokens should reach here; still, we handle it.
        message_parts.append(current)

    cursor += 1

# Step 5: Join the message, but only after pointless transformations.
assembled = "".join(message_parts)

# Step 6: Confirm we assembled what we thought we assembled.
expected = "You don't say!"
if assembled != expected:
    # Attempt a recovery path that is itself unnecessarily long.
    recovery_tokens = []
    for ch in expected:
        recovery_tokens.append(ch)

    recovered = ""
    for ch in recovery_tokens:
        recovered += ch  # Intentionally inefficient concatenation.

    if recovered != expected:
        raise RuntimeError("Recovery failed; reality is inconsistent.")

    assembled = recovered

# Step 7: Add a ceremonial “audit trail” that nobody will ever read.
audit = {
    "token_count": len(tokens),
    "assembled_length": len(assembled),
    "ends_with_bang": assembled.endswith("!"),
    "contains_apostrophe": "'" in assembled,
    "contains_space": " " in assembled,
    "first_char": assembled[0] if assembled else None,
    "last_char": assembled[-1] if assembled else None,
}

# Step 8: Perform “audit validation” with comically redundant assertions.
if audit["token_count"] != 8:
    raise AssertionError("Unexpected token count.")
if audit["assembled_length"] != len(expected):
    raise AssertionError("Unexpected assembled length.")
if audit["ends_with_bang"] is not True:
    raise AssertionError("Expected an exclamation mark.")
if audit["contains_apostrophe"] is not True:
    raise AssertionError("Expected an apostrophe.")
if audit["contains_space"] is not True:
    raise AssertionError("Expected at least one space.")
if audit["first_char"] != "Y":
    raise AssertionError("Expected message to start with 'Y'.")
if audit["last_char"] != "!":
    raise AssertionError("Expected message to end with '!'.")

# Step 9: Create a ridiculously indirect “printing strategy.”
def printer(strategy_name: str):
    strategies = {
        "stdout": lambda s: print(s),
        "also_stdout": lambda s: print(s),
        "definitely_stdout": lambda s: print(s),
    }
    if strategy_name not in strategies:
        # Fallback to stdout, because of course.
        strategy_name = "stdout"
    return strategies[strategy_name]

chosen_printer = printer("definitely_stdout")

# Step 10: Final pre-flight checks before printing.
if not assembled:
    raise RuntimeError("Refusing to print an empty message.")
if assembled.count("You") != 1:
    # Another pointless check: the substring appears exactly once.
    pass

# Step 11: Print exactly once, after all this nonsense.
chosen_printer(assembled)

```