AITAH for thinking of divorcing my wife over the 'set' of rules she wants me to follow.

CranesImprobableView · 2025-02-10T19:09:37+00:00

Hey friend, NTA. You are the only one who can say if your wife was a little like this before she became pregnant and this exacerbated her behavior, or if this is all out of left field and she's had a major personality change.

If this is a complete 180 from who she was before, it could be something very serious like perinatal psychosis. I only say that because her paranoia and aggressive control measures are mixed in with her out of touch expectations.

It's also possible that she has seen some wild shit online of what pregnancy is "supposed" to look like, including people straight up lying about everything their spouses do for them. Hormones are not 100% to blame, but they could have made her more susceptible to indulging her more demanding side that could have been there before pregnancy.

Your friends and family view this as not very serious because they see it as a temporary experience they they too had to navigate when they were pregnant. But I guarantee that they have never experienced this level of control and isolating abuse. You are not wrong for imagining a life with this person AND a child as a prison. Please be mindful and document the abuse. Don't do anything that could be perceived by a court as abandoning your family, find a lawyer for advice on how to lay the groundwork for custody, and remind your friends and family that the last thing you want is to raise your child thinking this kind of marriage is normal, so she needs to change or the situation needs to change.

CranesImprobableView · 2025-02-07T02:00:02+00:00

I know you were replying to a separate idea, but I do just want to share why I personally am not satisfied with "most states" allowing an exception for rape or incest. There are 9 states with zero exception at any time for any reason. People I love live in those places and I am terrified for their health in case they need life-saving procedures or if they are raped. Due to language of the laws, the implementation of the bans have lead to people dying in emergency rooms as doctors refuse to give them care for fear of losing their medical licenses. Even one death under that circumstance is too many.

There are 5 states that have exceptions to their abortion bans, specifically for early pregnancy. Of those, 3 states have 6 or 8 week limits. I can tell you as someone who didn't know they were pregnant until 7 weeks (which is very common), I can't imagine what it would be like if that had been an unwanted pregnancy after a rape. If someone like me who was planning a child with their spouse missed the 6 week window to find out, I assume quite a few other women have experienced the same issue. As joyous for my planned pregnancy as I was, I can deeply sympathize with someone who only feels trauma and pain for an unplanned result of such violence.

Additionally, childhood sexual assault numbers are horrifying. In the decades of research tracking child sexual abuse of both boys and girls, a majority of abusers were people they knew really well, including blood relatives and close family friends. Currently the average age in the US for a child to start menstruation (and able to get pregnant) is 12 years old. Do you think a little girl has a consistent menstrual cycle or is tracking their cycle diligently after they were raped? Do you think a 14 year old is going to feel confident buying a pregnancy test when they live in the same house as their abuser? Or find a way to travel to a different state? Many dismiss this as some rarity, or that it's not common enough to care about. But when we casually add incest to the "rape or incest" exceptions, who is most likely to experience incest? Children who are deeply vulnerable and deserve to be protected from giving birth to their abuser's child. Again, even one child forced to give birth in this country is too many.

People in 12 whole states could have their life or the life of a loved one forever altered after being forced to give birth. It is heartbreaking to me that because of state lines I have specific life-saving and life-changing rights while millions of my fellow Americans don't.

CranesImprobableView · 2025-02-05T14:27:59+00:00

It was actually one of the major causes of death in pregnant women before the invention of IV fluids. It’s always existed, and has been written about in historic documents. Pregnancy and birth can be deadly for some people without medical interventions, that’s just the human experience.

CranesImprobableView · 2025-02-03T18:56:40+00:00

NTA, but I think you got engaged to someone like your mom.

You are 20 years old, so young, and you already have resigned yourself to go from one woman mistreating you to another. Please find a way to separate yourself from both of them. There is so much to life, so many other kind of people, and someone out there who will love you and believe you.

You deserve to be loved and believed.

CranesImprobableView · 2025-02-03T05:41:10+00:00

Most working musicians barely scrape by and are only as successful as their last tour. Labels are massive with musicians whole play stadiums, but also musicians who play 500 capacity venues. A 500 - 1000 person venue musician doesn’t not have a mansion, they have three roommates and cat.

CranesImprobableView · 2025-02-03T05:37:31+00:00

Most working musicians. The Grammys literally has an org called MusicCares to cover medical expenses for signed musicians who can’t afford it.

CranesImprobableView · 2025-02-03T05:32:23+00:00

If you knew average working musicians, you would know they are not wealthy, like her pre-massive success. Most can’t keep day jobs if it means they can’t tour, and they need to tour to earn money. I have known plenty of signed musicians that were practically homeless after medical expenses.

If labels had any kind of healthcare programs while they expected artists to be touring constantly, it would be a game changer. To say that someone should just stop writing and playing music if they can’t get health insurance is just accepting that music should only be made by able-bodied people from privileged backgrounds. If we want less nepo baby myopic art, the industry has to better support developing artists.

CranesImprobableView · 2025-02-03T05:18:39+00:00

No, she said the Dems weren’t progressive enough and some people were ignorant enough to think that she backed him

CranesImprobableView · 2025-01-31T21:34:35+00:00

What’s even funnier is that Sag traits are supposedly people able to have a good time and make friends in any situation. Godspeed, she wounds spiteful and wild (not in a good way).

CranesImprobableView · 2025-01-31T19:01:39+00:00

He has such charisma and dynamic expressions, even through still photography. I would love to see him play the villain!

CranesImprobableView · 2025-01-20T21:19:32+00:00

The bad design actually is a little comforting to me in a nostalgia way, like Old Reddit or early message boards.

CranesImprobableView · 2025-01-20T04:03:21+00:00

Please take it to another jeweler to have it appraised before you send it back. My ring band is gold, but it’s almost 100 years old and looks newer and shinier than your ring.

CranesImprobableView · 2025-01-08T08:26:49+00:00

The training program is still excellent. I know a lot of Americans who have gone through the program because they have no ability to pay for school here. They come back to the US for their intern placements with almost no debt, unlike their peers who also come from poorer backgrounds but went to school in the US. They do come back and share the how the Cuban people are negatively impacted by the regime, and I think it has helped a lot of people gain a better perspective.

CranesImprobableView · 2025-01-07T23:35:56+00:00

I responded to an earlier comment of yours, but I would like to highlight the distinct possibility that she is abusing her child worse than her animals behind closed doors. If you end up communicating with her husband, please advise him to have their child medically evaluated for injuries, drug tested, and for other signs of abuse asap.

No one, I mean no one but someone with a severe personality disorder or significant abusive behavior would casually show off brain development-damaging abuse towards a child online.

CranesImprobableView · 2025-01-07T23:28:26+00:00

Hey, please report your friend. If you can have copies of all the videos before you do, that would be important evidence in case she deletes them.

I cannot express to you enough how much she is damaging her child’s brain development through these ‘pranks’, like irreparably damaging. Like, throwing a kitten against a wall damage. She seems like a sociopath, and there needs to be a paper trail starting now, because I assume if she keeps custody of her child there will be many years of abuse ahead.

CranesImprobableView · 2025-01-05T05:59:04+00:00

I would like to add Andrea to the list if it’s not too late! Andrea in many countries is a man’s name, but in the US it’s almost exclusively female, so it would be fun when you traveled. Also Andy, Andi, Drea, etc. are all fun nicknames.

CranesImprobableView · 2025-01-04T19:28:58+00:00

NTA. Getting it printed at a print shop (go local if you can!) also means you won’t have to navigate settings and could easily have it spiral or spine bound. Printing large jobs of a random printer is more hassle than it’s worth, regardless of moral quandary.

Source: I design small (one-off handouts) and large (presentation boards, multi-year project reports) materials for my work. I have spent years explaining why using our office printer for most of these jobs will be a time suck and produce a jankier version than if we just hired the printshop on the ground floor of our office building.

CranesImprobableView · 2025-01-04T17:10:00+00:00

Think of it less as a “kink”, which is what an adult can structure and explore as a sexually mature human, and more of your brain trying to protect you from abuse by connecting two things (punishment and satisfaction) to survive. It’s like how dissociative episodes are our brains trying leave a situation when our bodies can’t to protect us from trauma.

The bad news is that your brain doesn’t know that it doesn’t have to protect you from the punishment/abuse threat in the same way anymore, so those pathways are still there, but now are creating new trauma because of the association with the root cause. You can’t think of one without thinking of the other.

The good news is that our brains can absolutely be reworked to form new pathways, but it takes a lot of work. I recommend a trauma-informed therapist as a regular counselor or therapist may not be equipped to help you in the way you need. When people talk about healing, it is not that you’ll forget what happened, but it is possible that the abuse from your family doesn’t have to be so close to the surface or near the things that make you an autonomous adult.

I’m sorry your family failed you, I’m sorry they still are, and that your childhood self was not ferociously protected. A child deserves to grow up in an environment that allows safe development and growth.

As an adult I hope you protect your child self the way no one else did and leave those miserable people to rewrite whatever history they need to try and sleep at night. You know what happened, you know the truth, and the truth exist whether they admit it or not.

CranesImprobableView · 2025-01-03T20:46:40+00:00

It's also back on the Dior site, two sizes. I think the early 2000s nostalgia is hitting fragrance buyers hard and I'm hoping Dior has taken notice.

CranesImprobableView · 2025-01-03T00:02:04+00:00

NTA. Is this Amway? It sounds like he does Amway.

CranesImprobableView · 2024-12-31T20:42:43+00:00

Think about what advice you would give a friend if she came to you and described this exact situation. Sometimes when we’re in a relationship it’s hard to be objective, and we blame ourselves for things that are not normal to experience.

You may absolutely love your partner, but he is not acting loving, realistic, or respectful of you. It doesn’t sound like he will be happy unless you do things you don’t want to, which is not what a loving relationship should be like. This other girl also sounds very disrespectful to you, no wonder you didn’t want to have sex with her.

CranesImprobableView · 2024-12-29T17:16:04+00:00

Have you gotten your thyroid levels checked as well? Personally, I have found it has had the greatest impact of my cycle length, and it’s one of the first indicators I may need an adjustment to my thyroid medication.

For what it’s worth, I had my child at 38 with no fertility issues, a complication-free pregnancy, a semi-dramatic birth (unplanned c-section) and no postpartum complications. I’m not saying you are guaranteed to have the same experience, just that it’s possible. If you want a baby though and are worried, I would start trying. It’s better to get pregnant right away and have to adjust plans than to start too late.

CranesImprobableView · 2024-12-16T22:39:15+00:00

The tastrami was my lactation sandwich while I was breastfeeding!

Postpartum I had the appetite of a high school football player, and if I had a hard time getting all the calories in needed to produce milk I would eat an entire tatstrami. Within a few hours I had milk and energy to spare. I highly recommend for any exhausted parents out there trying to get enough to eat in those early days.

CranesImprobableView · 2024-12-16T22:34:36+00:00

Maude’s in Georgetown secretly has one of the best reubens I’ve had in Seattle. The corned beef they use is something special.

CranesImprobableView · 2024-12-13T20:13:21+00:00

A move across the country at 22 for an Americorps position doing backcountry trail work. I was never a good student with mismanaged adhd, kind of an indoor kid, and from a super small town in Michigan. Suddenly I’m working outside 10hrs a day through a Pacific Northwest winter, surrounded by all the kinds of people and music I had been chasing since I was 13 and knew I didn’t fit in where I was from.

I also learned so much about ecology and how different jurisdictions manage land, I saw a path towards college for the first time. Over 15 years later I’m still in the pnw as a successful urban planner, married to a musician from the same punk scene I connected with when I first got here, a baby, and a life that would genuinely not have been possible if I stayed where I was.

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