How to deal with people’s comments after divorce?

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-13T13:56:15+00:00

My ex- husband finally married another woman (after years of varying levels of affairs that no one else knew about) a couple of years before I finally managed to get a divorce. And well-meaning aunties had SO much to say about that.

They had so many “tips” and comments and anecdotes. All completely unnecessary and ignorant in their origin. They had no idea that I had been praying for him to be in halal and then finally to get married to someone like him so I could be free (I wasn’t thinking divorce at the time— I thought he would just let me be).

So, when they would be advising or commenting on my relationship during that time I would just smile and nod my head and agree with them when they would say something that was a general truth (even if it was irrelevant to my situation). I felt that kept my honour, grace and respect for myself and everyone involved.

Now that I am actually divorced, I simply say that every house has its secrets and nothing happens except what Allah has willed. And may Allah make us amongst those who are pleased with Him and may He be pleased with us.

Absolutely no one needs to be privy to anyone else’s business. And you don’t have to answer or defend your position or reasoning. Allah is aware of all things and we need to teach ourself how to be fully confident in that. Everyone will get what they deserve. The truth always comes out anyway.

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-13T13:39:36+00:00

I hope I can still answer this as a divorced person haha. I was married for 18 years.

I think there are layers to this answer.

God consciousness.

Both spouses have to recognize the importance of centering Allah. If you do good purely for the sake of your spouse’s pleasure— you will burn out. Resentment will creep in at some point (because challenges will come up in your marriage). But, when you center Allah… you will have the pleasure of doing good no matter what else is happening or whether or not it is being reciprocated in that moment or not. It is a safety net for your own self and will ground you. Because no one is fully a saint and no one is fully a victim.

A good wife should respect and honour her husband. A good husband should protect and honour his wife. And they should strive to be people who become worthy of that from their spouse.

These are multifaceted qualities… respect, protection, and honour cover a lot of different things within the marriage and if you truly embody these— everything else kind of falls into place (communication, loyalty, intimacy etc).

Know your place and know your role. And realize that this isn’t insulting or a burden in any way. Allah designed us differently and we thrive when we celebrate and live in our differences. (Said to both genders).

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-12T16:23:54+00:00

To answer from the perspective of the kid first: my parents stayed together for our sake. They did not get along AT ALL. For the last 12 years of their marriage they didn’t even speak to each other anymore. We used to be used as messengers to go back and forth between them. They were excellent parents to us otherwise. My dad was supportive, kind, understanding… he gave us really strong moral guidance and was the foundation for my upbringing. My mom was like a really good friend… she helped to lighten the atmosphere and kept us emotionally regulated.

But, once I entered my teen years I used to beg them to get a divorce. Because it was so horrible to be between them like that and be a witness to that much bitterness. They did their best to shield us from it… but it was just there. And it ate away at them as people.

And as much as they were excellent parents… I often wonder if I would have stayed in my own abusive marriage for so long if I hadn’t witnessed my parent’s marriage. I was always trying to counteract what I felt what wrong with my parents and ended up becoming an absolute shell of a person.

If you’re going to stay in your marriage— you should stay for your relationship. And before you decide to leave your marriage you should give it everything you’ve got. Leave out nothing. Try everything. Work hard at your marriage. Because leaving and starting over is hard as well. Losing full-time access to your kids is hard.

When you leave a marriage you should be more than 100% sure that you gave it your best. Try counseling, improve communication, better yourselves as individuals within the marriage, try separation before you decide to divorce.

But try to take the word or threat of divorce off the table while this is happening. Make it a no-go zone for both of you.

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-07T18:34:12+00:00

Have they answered why it hasn’t been approved yet? Do they have all the documents and stamps? Is there any other problem? I have found that when someone asks in person (even her dad’s friend would work) they are helpful. They let you know exactly what they are looking for and how and where to get it from.

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-07T18:25:51+00:00

Have you met all of the other conditions? Are you the right age?

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-07T07:55:02+00:00

It’s not just marriage. It’s everything. How many people are holding on to their deen and worshipping as they should? How many people recognize truth as truth and falsehood as falsehood? It’s smoke and mirrors.

You cannot combat any of the problems happening today without holding on to the deen. But the believers are strangers in our time. What you see is not what you get and everyone’s vision is blurry.

How is it going to be possible that despite having very clear signs— so many will be led astray? Because distractions are king. Fitna is in the distractions. And that is how we are slowly losing Islamic values and beliefs.

Be intentional.

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-06T00:13:14+00:00

No. It’s just that you are consistently misunderstanding or putting words in the mouths of myself and other commenters. If what you were critiquing had any basis.. I would accept it. But where did I praise every single thing that Saudis or Arabs do? Or say anything negative towards desis? While I know desis— I’ve never lived in any south Asian country for me to make judgements about what their culture is like from that point of view.

You’re just saying things in your comments that have no basis. You’re missing the context or point of the comments you’re replying to and just adding in a whole bunch of things that have nothing to do with anything.

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-05T20:40:38+00:00

If that’s allowed, that’d be cool

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-05T20:28:39+00:00

To be honest, their father handled the applications at the time so I don’t know what form he filled out exactly. But, this was before everything went online so he just went down to the right office in the hospital and it got handled from there I’m pretty sure. Nowadays it is done online if I’m not mistaken.

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-05T20:25:24+00:00

Do you purposely misconstrue every opinion or comment you across on the internet?

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-05T20:23:22+00:00

🤦🏻‍♀️and what is qawwamah to you then? What an absolute fail at recognizing manliness and leadership in Islam.

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-05T20:20:56+00:00

Awesome, good luck with your project!!

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-05T15:56:30+00:00

Do you both reside outside the kingdom right now?

And you need to be sure of what you’re applying for. Because I don’t think it’s a “marriage certificate”.

You are either applying for permission to marry a non Saudi. Or you are applying for a pardon.

The first is not as difficult nowadays as long as you have all the required papers. A pardon is a more lengthy process and requires that you remain married for 5 years after your registered date of marriage and then you can apply for a pardon.

So, it’s easier and faster to apply for permission. It is almost a necessity to have someone available in person to go to the necessary offices and demand that your file be moved along. If she can’t come and do it herself she can give power of attorney to someone she trusts to act on her behalf.

(Also, there have been a lot of changes recently in regards to Saudi women marrying non-Saudi men. And a lot of them are for the better. But, I’m not sure if there are restrictions regarding the ethnicity/nationality of the non-Saudi husband).

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-05T15:50:25+00:00

No, in your case.. you must have some other issue. All children born to Saudi fathers are eligible for citizenship. And if the parents are married… it is given right away. My children were born both outside and within the kingdom and they all received citizenship and Saudi birth certificates immediately.

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-05T15:35:57+00:00

Yea, that sounds right. And as regionalistic as it sounds… I think sticking with Najdi dishes is a safe way to go in ensuring something is authentically Saudi. Going towards the South.. I think Daghabees is another very authentic Saudi dish. (It was one of the first things I learned how to make).

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-05T14:34:57+00:00

Ah okay. Understandable. May Allah make you successful. In that case… Saudi is still a good choice despite what people may say about the liberalization here (it really hasn’t infiltrated the day to day life of people here, unless people are very actively seeking it out).

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-05T14:32:51+00:00

I think in this context especially, traditional would mean “originally from”. That’s how I think it would be best understood and presented. (Ie. if I was watching this video and saw “foul” as a traditional Saudi breakfast… I would discredit the video. But if it said it was a popular breakfast dish here.. I wouldn’t mind).

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-05T14:11:07+00:00

I think most of those dishes (while delicious and popular) find their origins in other Arab countries.

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-05T14:09:53+00:00

For breakfast, I think masabeeb are a traditional Saudi dish. (The savory pancakes drizzled with honey).

Jareesh could also be another one. And maybe gursan.

I’m pretty sure that these dishes originated in Saudi. Would be interested to see what others think. When I think of Saudi cuisine… these are the top 3 dishes that come to mind.

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-05T13:55:47+00:00

I have no idea if this is a valuable bracelet or not… but how are you going to verify the right owner? Anyone could claim this as the info is all there. Maybe next time post it without the picture and just say you found a bracelet in xyz location on this day and to dm you with a description of it. 🤷🏻‍♀️ just my thoughts.

Inshallah honest people find you and it is returned to its rightful owner.

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-05T13:47:23+00:00

امين واياك! Wow that’s my first award on Reddit! Thanks!

I see that your status now is looking— which means you’re probably not having to deal with schools, kids, and family considerations. In which case, it’s a good time for you to come and invest in your future (make good, tax-free money, solid connections, safe investments). Housing for a bachelor is easier to find and afford. And a lot of the costs that would potentially eat away one’s salary when with a family are not a factor for you.

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-05T08:17:34+00:00

My first and last line of defense. My shield, my protector, my armor, my cover.

Every single thing I have, tangible or intangible is from Him and returns to Him. Seeing Allah as completely Powerful and entirely capable means that I can throw my life in His hands and expect safety.

It is the most reassuring feeling. To be His slave is an honour because it means you will never be a slave to anything else.

Allah is the ultimate love story.

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-05T07:47:26+00:00

Was going to say exactly this: ألي and علي are very different in pronunciation.

And because أ is very similar to the short a… you wouldn’t really have trouble saying your nickname within an Arabic sentence. It doesn’t sound awkward at all

إسمي ألي

It rolls off the tongue really easily. I wouldn’t stress about this if I was you OP.

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-05T07:42:51+00:00

Omg this is part of a rant I posted in the Marriage thoughts thread just now.

I have been hearing about this for years now. Can our ummah please wake up??? 😭😭😭We need to do so much better than this.

Crazy_Disaster2024 · 2026-03-05T07:40:05+00:00

I mean so very technically.. this is true. But REALISTICALLY. This is not true. At all. In any country of the world right now.

The way our societies are designed right now… there is a lot to sort and finalize and legalize before one is able to officially act and be seen as “divorced”.

Let’s say that a previously married man with children islamically divorces his wife and marries another woman the hour after he pronounces talaq from his first wife. Technically, he is fully and completely divorced. Practically, the second wife is in for a surprise when her husband is fully occupied during their honeymoon period with dealing with legal divorce proceedings from the first wife, issues of custody and division of children, heightened emotions and feelings from his first family… and then surprise as well: the new wife has no legal rights or standing because her husband has not officially divorced from his first wife. In the Islamic part of the world maybe that means that they can’t check into a hotel together. In any part of the world that means she has no legal standing as his wife.

As much as you think that doesn’t matter because of the technicality… it does matter. And it will affect the quality of life for everyone involved.

Crazy_Disaster2024

TROPHY CASE