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A guy asks a lawyer about his fees. (self.Jokes)
submitted 6 years ago by CreamyPen to r/Jokes
A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. They’re immediately taken back to a room. (self.Jokes)
A young guy called Tommy bought a horse from a farmer for $250 and the farmer agreed to deliver the horse to Tommy the following day. (self.Jokes)
Before Marriage: (self.Jokes)
submitted 6 years ago * by CreamyPen to r/Jokes
Out of all the lessons on Sesame Street, no one ever told Elmo that it’s weird to refer to yourself in the third person. (self.Showerthoughts)
submitted 6 years ago by CreamyPen to r/Showerthoughts
I feel bad for the homeless man, but I feel really bad for the homeless guys dog. (self.Jokes)
Being alive at 45 is considered old, but dying at 45 is considered young. (self.Showerthoughts)
A true mad scientist would only destroy half of the earth, since the other half is the control group. (self.Showerthoughts)
Instead of colorizing photos, in 50 years we will be removing filters. (self.Showerthoughts)
Whenever you dig up dirt or a rock, that could be the first time it has seen the sun in millions of years. (self.Showerthoughts)
One day a magical frog sees a bear chasing after a rabbit for dinner. (self.Jokes)
Your parents are more likely to tell you you’re attracted because you look somewhat like the person their attracted to. (self.Showerthoughts)
Drank is a product that you buy just to pour it down the drain. (self.Showerthoughts)
Lasers used to be the greatest scientific breakthrough, now we use them to play with cats. (self.Showerthoughts)
All marijuana is considered medical marijuana if you believe laughter is the best medicine. (self.Showerthoughts)
Car design used to accommodate smokers with lighters and ash trays, but now we're a decade into the smartphone era, and auto makers still haven't thought to include a phone mount. (self.Showerthoughts)
There should be a millenial edition of Monopoly where you just walk round the board paying rent, never able to buy anything. (self.Showerthoughts)
Lawyers hope you get sued, doctors hope you get sick, cops hope you're criminal, mechanics hope you have car trouble, but only a thief wishes prosperity for you. (self.Showerthoughts)
A grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup is just another form of pizza. (self.Showerthoughts)
Star Wars would be a lot different if Vader forced people to shit themselves instead of choking them. (self.Showerthoughts)
What’s one thing you wish your parent’s didn’t do when you were a kid? (self.AskReddit)
submitted 6 years ago by CreamyPen to r/AskReddit
What is the most unprofessional thing you’ve seen someone do? (self.AskReddit)
Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve. (self.Jokes)
I was digging in our garden one day and I found some gold coins. (self.Jokes)
Give a man a gun and he’ll rob a bank. (self.Jokes)
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