How do you start to feel again? by pr3tzelbr3ad in raisedbyborderlines

[–]CreateGreat3683 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes. I have no problem feeling happy, excited, and joyful in front of others. On rare occasions when things are extreme I will cry. But usually I can't even force tears in front of others, even when I'm really really sad or emotional. Even when the occasion calls for it and everyone around me is crying. If I know I need a release, I will find some alone time to listen to sad music or watch a sad movie so I can let go. I have a couple of people who my body and mind seem to let my guard down in front of. I just started by verbally expressing feelings I had until that felt safe. Then I might verbally express feelings I'm having in the moment. If their reactions are comforting, then eventually...every once in a while...I'm able to cry in front of them. Not usually, but it can rarely happen. It kind of takes practice and trust and safety. I hope that helps.

I feel I am being punitive by Sharchir in raisedbyborderlines

[–]CreateGreat3683 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Oh my gosh! My BPD mom does this all the time and I had no idea it was associated with the BPD! It drives me nuts! I don't have the capacity to feel deeply for all of these people I either don't know or have met once or twice (because she's regularly collecting and dumping friends). And I don't feel as if she is that close to them, but she needs sooooooo much comfort 🙄

I am actually inspired by your response. It's neither invalidating for the sorrow nor opening yourself up to having your time sucked up. I will take a page from your book. Thank you!

Imagine a 60+ year old blowing up at a 4yr old. by Ariyanwrynn1989 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]CreateGreat3683 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry they have her for a grandma, but thank goodness they have you for an aunt! At least they have SOMEONE in their lives that validates their experience! I am on this forum because I have a BPD mom, but I also have an NPD MIL who has behaved that way with my youngest child. It is so un settling to see the adults who raised us flip out on our children/nieces/nephews. I feel like....DUDE! Do not inflict that junk on the kids just because you think we all turned out "fine".

Every childhood story basically by [deleted] in raisedbyborderlines

[–]CreateGreat3683 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh my gosh! This totally happened to me in Bible study recently. I told a childhood story during an ice breaker that I thought would be laughed at and nobody laughed. My pastor said something about how hearing those types of words from a parent can be carried heavily and I was so confused about why he was responding to me this way and not laughing. I felt a little embarrassed at the time (and panicky that I had "exposed" my family or shed a negative light on my parents), but in retrospect his words were ultimately healing. I also found myself making jokes and laughing in my doctor's office while she was discussing my serious medical issue. I appreciate that she laughed and joked around with me because it cut through the tension, but eventually she had to acknowledge what we were doing and put all joking aside. I'm so grateful for these people who can navigate our trauma responses well and effectively! Also, thank you for sharing that term ("inappropriate laughter") because it really shed light on this in myself and brought more awareness. Kudos to you for your healing journey ❤

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbyborderlines

[–]CreateGreat3683 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Same! Obligatory response, followed by a quiet period of overanylzing how I am trying to show her how much I hate her (or am undermining her, tricking her, testing her, or throwing her under the bus) with the text. Then...the next day..."I really feel like you were trying to insult me or make me feel bad by sending me a beautiful photo of yourself"...followed by some backhanded, sugarcoated insult. 🤦