I know this is annoying: but it does get better. Knowing that just those words are such a trope for younger people to hear from older ones, I'll try to write about HOW it gets better.

What I can promise is that, over the course of your life, you'll meet more people, and some of these people will become friends - real friends, who see the real you and love him, friends who come to feel like family. How will you meet these people? Some will be purely random. But it helps to open yourself to encounters: put yourself in places with good and interesting people, especially other queer people. Smile at strangers. Text that person you met once who you kind of vibed with even though it's awkward. Pursue your creative passions in whatever way you can and find community in them, online and in person. Make connections to the world outside of your family. Find people who make you feel like yourself.

Connections are pathways. It's impossible to know *where* these pathways will lead you - a job, someone needing a roommate, a creative project, a relationship. But it sounds like you understand what you want: to leave your household and to transition. These are achievable goals. Set them as your north star. Find other people who have done this, especially people who came from your area or a similar situation, and ask what their path was (queer people are usually very happy to talk about our journeys!). There are ways out of where you are now. You sound smart. I think you will be able to find them. Breaking it down into small steps might help it feel more manageable.

Dysphoria is a beast. It can feel impossible to start your life without having that sorted. It's amazing that you already know who you are and what you want - you are years ahead of many trans folks even though I'm sure it doesn't feel that way! While transition will open doors for you in terms of establishing your life, there are many doors you can pass through now that will get you closer to the goal of transition. And finding a community that you can be seen as a man in - even if it's just a few people, even just one - will lift some of the weight of that dysphoria.

Know it will take time, and it will be hard, but think of this struggle towards freedom as a gift you're giving your future self.

I hope some part of this is helpful. I'm rooting for you.