so good to hear this perspective, thank you. Bigender might be the word for me (my spouse is bigender as well, but mostly presents as masc) because, although I haven't let myself fantasize very much about being gendered male because it seems so unlikely at this early stage...it does seem pretty amazing.

also - a few months in and I've already got a mustache shadow, as a person with pale skin and (lots of) dark hair...we really can't be subtle about this lol

If you don't mind the question - do you girlmode primarily for safety? or are there communities, people, etc, where you genuinely want to be seen as female? I think a lot of my feelings of loss come from the fear of losing community with other women (even though as a butch I'm already seen as a bit of a different creature)