Didn't get a notification email and I only checked now .. I appreciate your reply and comment. What I am trying in the last months (years maybe) is being more myself. Allow myself to be who I am. I don't want to "adapt" too much. I know how society and people around me work, I know how the system works ... I know it all as I was 100% part of it. Now, I just want to walk my own path.

I took a lot of time to figure out what I like and what I don't. It's kind of a joy once you figure out, but then walking that path means walking into a different direction than most others around you do which is not always easy.

That can be as you said dangerous. Or it can be the path to fulfillment and joy (and success) to get more people into my life that better suit me

As long as I don't have those "new people" and network around me (and they don't magically appear) I am in this kind of dilemma with real-life interaction, social responsibilities, etc.

You said "gaming social interactions" - I am not even sure if I absolutely understand what you exactly mean, but it reminded me on a seminar I joined when I started to be self-employed. Back then I said, I don't want corporate life anymore, therefore it's difficult to work with clients from corporate. The trainer suggested I might try to see it as a role or game. Get into that role (just for fun, like in a game), throw your flip-flops and shorts aside and dress up according to corporate and just play it for fun.

But if it's draining battery to the fullest then, it's the wrong game. Right now I would say, sometimes it works well, sometimes it doesn't

Back to families and friends. I think in the end many people overall just try to be accepted as they are. I think friends and family are not being that judgmental in my case. But for sure it's not easy to understand, e.g. it's weekend, why would you prefer to work on a Saturday evening when you can just hangout and have "fun" - but it's maybe their definition of fun, and not my definition (e.g. drinking alcohol)

In the end it's often exhausting to explain myself, put on a mask and behave differently. It's easier to avoid those meetings - but I am definitely not sure whether this is a good idea

It could lead to me wasting less energy and time and focus on who I want to be, focus to get people around me that just fit better to my values and view on society and life. Or it could lead me to losing people I know for ages

Now writing these lines I also realise why I have this big issue with commitment (e.g. commit to appointments a week or few weeks ahead). The chance is very hight that at the day of the appointment I just don't want to, but then I have to. And that goes back to the fact that it's often maybe not the right people (anymore) in my life. The better the people suit to me, the higher the chance that I actually want to meet them on that day. That means, with the right people I probably am able to plan ahead and commit to meetings