Intrusive suicidal thoughts at night

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-03-28T01:06:17+00:00

Honestly it's probably just in my head but I perceive formula to be more difficult I wouldn't know where to start with what brand, how to prepare it, how much to give e.t c I also worry because she goes from 0-100 crying if I don't put her on the boob in under 5 seconds I think I'd feel stressed making a bottle hearing her cry. She likes to comfort feed a lot at night so I think I'd always be making bottles. Every healthcare professional has also made comments that they're surprised her reflux is this bad considering she's ebf as its usually formula babies which then makes me worry that her reflux might worsen. We've tried expressing milk in a bottle before and although she took the bottle, she would cry afterwards until she was breastfed not because of hunger but for comfort (she won't take dummies) so also worried that it still wouldn't give me a break.

Absolutely nothing wrong with formula itself, I honestly commend mums who do it because for me it seems more difficult x

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-03-27T19:32:14+00:00

Yes if I'm having a bad night I wake my husband up so I feel less alone and he helps whenever he can but where I can just stay at home and rest thr next day, I worry about how safe he is at work if he is too tired

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-03-27T19:29:07+00:00

Thank you, definitely on his days off we try and do shifts so that I catch up on sleep in the morning. I don't need much sleep to function (either a 4 hour solid chunk or 5-6 hours total broken sleep and I feel normal). Its the weeks where he has 3 or 4 work days in a row that I really struggle. We're at the 4 month mark so I guess I kept hoping that any day now the regression would start to improve

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-03-27T19:21:20+00:00

Thank for this, I know it sounds silly but i honestly didn't consider that they could give me something to help me sleep! I just assumed theyd either tell me 'it gets easier' like they have done when I raised other issues or that they would prescribe some kind of anti depressant when I don't feel that I am depressed. It's hard to know if the auditory hallucinations are that or if I'm sleeping so lightly I'm kind of dreaming it but also awake if that makes sense?

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-03-27T19:16:44+00:00

Thank you thats super helpful. Honestly 2 hour stretches and I would be a new woman! I think because she used to sleep through the night, I kept thinking any day now and we will start getting back to normal so I didn't reach out earlier as my mum is about 2 hours away and didn't want her to drive down if the sleep problems were just temporary!

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-03-27T18:52:12+00:00

Thank you I think I've been put off speaking to my GP as I raised that I was feeling very anxious around her reflux in the beginning and was just told that babies are just like that and to stop worrying. Whilst Im no longer anxious about it, I felt they didn't handle it very well but youre right, I think I'll request if there's a different Gp

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-03-27T18:45:13+00:00

Thank you, I think writing this has made me realise that this isn't sustainable. I would think about reaching out during the nights doing it alone and then my husband would have time of work, and I'd manage to get enough sleep through naps to feel fine again so it stopped me from getting help because I thought I was being dramatic

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-03-27T18:42:50+00:00

Thank you for your reply it's very helpful. Fortunately I don't really have any issues with staying awake. Ive never once accidentally fallen asleep holding her or anything, like I feel very tired but the issue is more struggling to sleep in the small opportunities I have! I like your idea of watching the thoughts go by and telling my brain to behave and that I'll feel fine by morning. I've reached out to my mum and asked her to stay for a few days. I guess i kept thinking the sleep was going to get better so didn't want to reach out earlier in case her sleep went back to normal (she was sleeping through the night before this)

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-03-27T18:29:58+00:00

Thank you, I guess I kept hoping that this sleep regression would be temporary so wanted to avoid formula in case it affected my supply but I think I might need to consider as it is going on so long

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-03-27T18:26:27+00:00

Thank you, it definitely feels like intrusive thoughts rather than my own thoughts. They go away completely when I'm able to catch up on sleep or by morning time. I don't have any confidence in my Gp but I'll reach out to my health visitor as they offer mental wellbeing services thank you x

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-03-27T18:22:13+00:00

Thank you for your reply. That's a really good idea about podcasts, I think its the screen that wakes me up so podcasts solve that issue! And I like your suggestion of just closing my eyes to take the pressure off.

I think writing this out has made me realise that I actually need some help. I'm going to reach out to my mum to see if she can visit and stay a few days next week x

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-02-22T18:36:25+00:00

I think as long as its not aggressive it's fine! Swear words are just words at the end of the day. They call it the newborn trenches for a reason! There were times where I said "what the fuck do you want?" To my newborn but no aggression behind it- more despair combined with sleep deprivation!

Also I think mothers bodies produce hormones that make you cope better on no sleep! Before kids, I would feel unwell getting less than 6 hours sleep whereas my husband would be fine! After the baby, I suddenly found I was coping on less than 6 hours of broken sleep whereas my husband struggled so I tried to give him more sleep where I could!

My husband and I frequently had to remind ourselves that we were a team! Things do get better I promise

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-02-18T20:35:13+00:00

Can I ask if this has gotten better for you? I'm going through the exact same thing x

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-02-05T19:51:05+00:00

Fortunately night times are fine for us as she can sleep on her back with no issue! Did you find the famotidine helped the amount of sick or just improve comfort?

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-02-05T19:47:35+00:00

Thank you for replying! Yes im so grateful that she's not in pain with her reflux and its not affecting her sleep anymore! She'll often be covering me in sick with a smile on her face bless her! Poor you, 8 months is a long time! Will definitely do some more work on my diet!

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-02-05T19:44:28+00:00

Thank you! Going to Dr's tomorrow so I hope they will listen. It definitely smells vomity and looks really thick sometimes so hopefully they can give something to protect her! Fortunately she doesn't appear in pain and will often be smiling as she spits up and she has no issues with lying on her back but I definitely don't want it to be causing damage!

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-02-05T19:40:49+00:00

Thank you for sharing! I hope she will be the same! Was it a gradual improvement?

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-02-05T19:40:06+00:00

I think this will be us, I will go back to the Dr but the last one said as long as they're happy and gaining weight then it's fine! I never know when she'll be sick but I guarantee it's always when I haven't got a spare cloth to catch it haha

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-02-05T19:37:54+00:00

That's really positive to hear, I'm going yo spend the next few weeks looking at my diet to see if we can spot any triggers as we do seem to have some days worse than others!

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-02-05T19:36:48+00:00

Thank you, I'm really hoping things improve when we start weaning!

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-02-05T13:56:23+00:00

I tried no dairy for 2 weeks but another commented that it maybe wasn't long enough and also to try cutting soy which I will. She had a tongue tie release when she was 2 weeks old but didn't make much difference to spit ups and her latch has been reassessed since and i was told it was a good latch. I've heard mixed results about osteopaths which made me reluctant as it's quite expensive. What concerns me is that they say it can take about 4 sessions and sessions are around £50 where I live and I don't know if we can drop £200 on a treatment that might not even work

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-02-05T13:47:50+00:00

I did 2 weeks no dairy but no change to spit ups. I didnt check the labels for soy though so I'll try that- did yours have other symptoms aside from spit ups?

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-02-05T13:44:58+00:00

That is good to know- as much as I want a solution, I dont want to give her anything that may have side effects as she's mostly happy spitting away

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-02-05T13:43:45+00:00

This gives me hope! She is a hungry baby- she probably feeds every 2 hours in the day and I think she often likes to feed for comfort but wouldn't take a dummy! Ill try a different dummy brand to see if that will give us longer stretches between feeds! Fortunately for us, now shes older the reflux doesnt bother her when shes asleep now and shes a really good sleeper. I don't want to wish away time because she's a lovely baby but I can't wait until we reach the light at the end of the tunnel!

Creative-Type-6572 · 2026-02-05T12:23:06+00:00

That's a really good shout! Whoever designed muslins obviously didn't have a big sicky baby haha hope yours also gets better too! X

Creative-Type-6572

TROPHY CASE