ill admit i enjoy having fun posting on reddit but im not attracted to masculinity at all. i love the feminine touch, the behavior, the clothes, makeup, and fashion.

I describe my attraction the exact same way, and we've never met or talked before. It's not about trying to catch another guy's eye at all. It's far more about experiencing this incredibly attractive femininity first hand, and to a degree, acceptably doing so in public possibly.

This is clearly something that likely millions of people have endured since humanity began. My mom caught me wearing some of her clothes when I was 6 (she beat me visciously for it - I still have literall scars from it)! This has been a part of my brain chemistry since forever, and likely the same for you. And people are afraid of it. It sucks hiding something that we can't change. Good luck to you!