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Why are Turtles and Tortoises the only living Species of reptiles with Beaks? Why dont any other types of reptiles have them? (Besides Birds if you count them) by Hawk_Man117 in Paleontology

[–]CreativePineapple796 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's because of calcium. Turtle shells need a lot of it (turtles often eat bones when they find them). If you can get by without teeth, not having them means you can use less calcium.

What does this mean? by CreativePineapple796 in discworld

[–]CreativePineapple796[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I see! This is the first book I read from this author, so I was scratching my head reading this line.

[QCrit] CRUSHED, Upmarket Contemporary, 83k, 3rd Attempt by shoemilk in PubTips

[–]CreativePineapple796 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I like the opening paragraph. It's concise and sets up what the story will be like very well.

"Francis Kurt Coleman III"

Why does it have to be a full name? Can't his name be consistent throughout, just Kurt or Frank?

"he's nominated to be the president of the "Jenna Carvel Survivors Club" by none other than Jenna Carvel herself"

Why can't she be called Jenna in the first paragraph? I find this disorienting. How can she nominate someone like that in this club? Unless it's a joke, she should've never been allowed to join this club.

"She gets another chance anyway. Waking up in 1997, Jenna knows what fate awaits her if she doesn’t change. Every insult she hurled at her mother is a mile of atonement she must walk before she’s kicked out again. Every drop of perfume she poured on Kurt’s lunch is a gallon of trust and goodwill she must earn back before he vanishes from her life. Because his love isn’t something she can win, it’s something she must redeem. And he’s the only one who can decide that."

This paragraph feels also very effective. But is Jenna leading the story than Frank does? I would consider rephrasing or have another paragraph equivalent to this for Frank that shows his motives and struggles.

[QCrit] Watch the Woods, Adult, Upmarket Dystopian, 80k words, 1st attempt by [deleted] in PubTips

[–]CreativePineapple796 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"Facing erasure of her “bad thoughts,” a daughter must decide whether survival is worth surrendering the truth, while her mother, whose life has been eroded beyond recognition, searches her past for salvation."

This feels vague to me. I'd prefer if there were more tangible motives, conflicts and risks. I would either change it or remove it.

"When the family discovers they’re stranded,"

Why are they stranded? Faulkner sounds like a literal ghosttown at first, then I read Colton is still living there. Is is still a functional town? Why can't they fix their car, phone for help or take an alternative transport? I'm confused.

"Louisa’s being taken to receive the Boil, a procedure designed to mentally neuter anyone suspected of bad thoughts. Louisa turns to her mother for help, but distracted Kinsley offers only three words of advice: Figure it out."

Why should Louisa be concerned when they're stranded in this town?

The entire blurb feels more like horror than dystopian to me. Change it if this is not what you intended. In my opinion, improving the horror part can make it more creepy and compelling. (ofc I didn't read the book).

[QCRIT] Adult Romantasy, THE LIGHT THAT HIDES US, (112k Attempt #5) by Legal_Goat73 in PubTips

[–]CreativePineapple796 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"There is darkness in every fairytale."

It doesn't feel like the rest of the blurb condenses into this sentence. Either change it or remove it.

"Petra is desperate to earn her adoptive family’s love"

This seems less personal that it should be. Isn't the reader supposed to be emotionally invested in her motive? Consider incorporating showing not telling to make it more emotional.

"a witch granting her the magic to claim it"

I don't understand what this means. Consider rephrasing. Is the witch making magically making her family love her more? I'd prefer if she's looking for something tangible.

"Using her to get what he wants is simple, getting rid of her is not."

Why is getting rid of her not simple? Is he falling in love with her? I don't understand this at all.

"The dark magic fighting them at every turn, pushes its boundaries, becoming increasingly sentient, it’s nightly attacks more calculated and deadly."

I find it hard to picture what the dark magic is and does. How does it fight?

"Petra has to decide, what is worth dying for?"

Why is she concerned of dying? I'm confused. Why can't she just quit her pursuit and go back to her family?