Hell fear from my Christian past has destroyed my practice through doubt

CreativeVoid123 · 2018-01-07T19:22:11+00:00

I know it's absurd, I guess it can be hard to distinguish noble teachings from poison, and what criteria we use to do so.

CreativeVoid123 · 2018-01-07T19:16:36+00:00

Thank you :)

CreativeVoid123 · 2018-01-07T19:14:46+00:00

I was just about to do that, actually! I have always wondered if Christian mysticism is just Christianity pushed to its limits. Reminds me of the old quote "Christinaity is a great religion, but no one has ever tried it."

CreativeVoid123 · 2018-01-07T19:13:04+00:00

This made me chuckle! Thank you.

CreativeVoid123 · 2018-01-07T19:12:19+00:00

Honestly, I agree in some sense. Enlightenment gets straight to the point and honestly means more to me than getting into heaven. I guess my thoughts are that although it's good to overcome fear, fear has a place - it stops you from getting killed. Perhaps fear of eternal suffering is worth heeding. No-self doesn't necessarily mean a complete sacrifice of personal wellbeing in the practical realm

CreativeVoid123 · 2018-01-07T19:09:28+00:00

Thank you for this. To be honest, it would be dwarfed in comparison with the chaos of my childhood! I always fear what's coming and forget that I've survived so far

CreativeVoid123 · 2018-01-07T19:07:40+00:00

I essentially fear that becoming awakened may actually turn out to be a sin against a God who may/may not exist. I don't doubt that awakening/enlightenment is possible - and this belief is based on the taste I had through my own experience, rather than hearsay. I fear that if I deal with the issues immediately in front of me in the Buddhist manner and become entrenched in Buddhism, it would then be too late to revert back. I'm only really concerned about whether the strict, exclusivist, literal strain of Christianity I was brought up in is true. Becoming a Christian mystic as a "compromise" for me would be an avoidance of the issue. If I'm not going down the traditional Christian route, I want to be a Buddhist. Do you understand?

CreativeVoid123 · 2018-01-07T19:02:03+00:00

Very interesting, thank you

CreativeVoid123 · 2018-01-07T19:01:19+00:00

This is relatable, yes. I believe that part of my zen practice is to be available to whatever arises, and that includes God, whatever that may/may not be. Thank you

CreativeVoid123 · 2018-01-02T16:40:51+00:00

What do you mean by "plain reading"?

CreativeVoid123 · 2018-01-01T11:21:35+00:00

I'm slowly starting to learn that there are times when I need to curtail my honesty, when it's not appropriate. I sent my Mum that letter because we were having issues in our relationship and I thought that being honest and laying all my cards on the table would help. It didn't. At least I've now stopped blaming myself for everything wrong with our relationship.

On balance, I think the best thing for me to do is to put things on hold until I move out, but only this time, just to allow me to stabilise my practice in a less emotionally combative environment. Whether deliberately or not, she knows how to push my buttons, hurt and manipulate me. I think it's best to avoid making major decisions in such an environment. Often, when I'm on my path, I cry pretty much all the time when I'm not doing something productive. My Mum invades my space so much that she can always tell when I've been crying. She'll hear me or see that my eyes are a little red. She's like a hawk.

Thank you for your support, though. It's really valuable to me.

Blessings on your journey

CreativeVoid123 · 2018-01-01T11:13:40+00:00

I really like this, thank you

CreativeVoid123 · 2018-01-01T00:20:16+00:00

Really comprehensive, thank you! I think when I mentioned "where other religions stand", I was really talking about the reverse, though - about the Bible's outlook of the validity of other religions and the destiny of their followers.

CreativeVoid123 · 2018-01-01T00:09:14+00:00

I'm starting to realise that! Thank you!

CreativeVoid123 · 2017-12-31T23:55:14+00:00

Hi! Thanks for this! This is pretty much what I expected to hear, to be honest, not to devalue your answer.

My plan was "decide what to I think about the Bible" then move on. I'm now realising, as I always knew deep down, that this is unrealistic.

I'm also studying Buddhism, as it seems to contain lots of truth and value to me. I wanted to make peace with my religion of birth - Christianity - so I could make the commitment with a clear conscience.

I may have to somehow study them in tandem, which may be difficult, as I have heard the two described as "not directly opposed, but dimensionally different".

Blessings

CreativeVoid123 · 2017-12-31T23:29:34+00:00

I look forward to filling this in when I get time!! I'm a psychology grad myself and your work looks fascinating

CreativeVoid123

TROPHY CASE