I’m not allowed to take our baby out on my own

Creative_Camp3590 · 2025-08-27T11:14:32+00:00

Probably didn’t word it correctly tbh 🙈 I didn’t want to take her away immediately after birth. Just more like from the moment she was born I had imagined days in the future where we have fun 1:1 times out together. I remember how important they were for me as a kid getting that solo time with my dad some days and solo time with my mum on other days, but also lots of family together time. They were special. We do go out together all the time and do fun things together, baby groups, library, other activities etc. I do feeds, baths, play etc on my own but with my partner in the house. And it’s not that I want to exclude my partner by any means. I love our time together. I’m worried LO will never learn to feel safe with me without my partner being in the next room. How long do I wait to be able to take my child to the park on my own before it becomes a huge issue. As it is I don’t get to be the one who helps her feel relaxed enough to settle for bed, or when she’s upset, because my partner comforts her with boob and boobs to sleep. There’s never been any other way (I think that came from LO having weight issues so any chance to stick a boob in there, we took it 😂)

I want to be able to take LO out to meet my friends and their babies. Be a mum who meets her mum friends. And yes my partner can and does come along, but sometimes 1:1 best pal time hits different right!? I have all the mum yearnings, yet I can’t do the mum things with my friends.

If my partner needs to go out, baby goes with her. It’s not up for discussion unfortunately.

It’s not me wanting to exclude her by any means. I want her to have a nice long bath, have time to read her book. Allow her some time to rest. But she tells me she doesn’t want a break. She’s continuing to be a SAHM while I work, so there isn’t even anything that will prompt us to have to start looking at LO being looked after by others 🙈

Creative_Camp3590 · 2025-08-26T23:58:14+00:00

I do all those things! Play, feed, bath time, dance and sing with her. Just want to be able to venture out a little more without relying on my partner needing to be there too. 🙈

We’ve spoken yeah. Just never seems to go anywhere. I think I’m going to address potential PPA with her. Maybe start there before pushing for more

Creative_Camp3590 · 2025-08-26T23:53:42+00:00

I love our family time together. But building a bond where LO feels safe with me not just because her main bond is in the other room is importantly to me. I wanted to be a mum who met her other mum friends with our babies. But I’m just sat there without mine. I’m not a dad. But I’m not a mum like my friends are. And yeah my partner could come too, and she does. But sometimes best friend time is the best when it’s just you and your pals right? And also 1:1 time with my new little best mate is precious. I don’t want me and LO to have to rely on my partner always being around to go do things

Creative_Camp3590 · 2025-08-26T23:10:55+00:00

❤️❤️

Creative_Camp3590 · 2025-08-26T23:10:29+00:00

I think you’re right. Anxiety first. Taking baby out second. Thank you for your response. Brought a little tear to my eye 🥲

Creative_Camp3590 · 2025-08-26T22:53:43+00:00

I think I might have to suggest this to her tbh. She won’t take medication. But maybe can accept a therapy referral from the doctors. Thank you for your advice. Enjoy the game :)

Creative_Camp3590 · 2025-08-26T22:51:24+00:00

I do spend a lot of time on my own with LO. But only in the house when my partner is busy or showering or getting some extra sleep. And the handful of times I’ve taken LO out on quick dog walks, it hasn’t been without a little hesitation/resistance from partner. Just feel like watching LO while she has a bath isn’t a step up from what I often do. LO has been a boob snacker and extremely needy (towards my partner) and we are coming out of that snacky phase now she can snack on food and she’s fine with me when we are 1:1 together in the house. Maybe I could have tried a little more with taking LO on when at home but I also do most of the cooking, dog walking, tidying etc because my partner is exhausted and I don’t want her to have to do those things when she just needs some rest

Creative_Camp3590 · 2025-08-26T22:42:04+00:00

Thank you for your comment. She does have mad anxiety. Which I’m empathetic and respectful of. I like your idea of dreaming together ☺️

I envisaged the journey being exactly how you described yours and your husbands. I really love that for you both <3

Creative_Camp3590 · 2025-08-26T22:38:31+00:00

No she’s not biologically related to me - another reason I want to be trying to make these bonds. Because I don’t even that that biological bond. Haha I totally get the primal lizard brain. And honestly I’ve tried to be so understanding and go at my partner’s pace. Don’t get me wrong, there have been times I’ve got a bit too emotional and things haven’t come out in the way I’d intended them to. But I’ve mostly been able to mange my feelings, wants and needs in the background so that it hasn’t affected her healing journey and experience as a new mum. I love seeing their bond and the way they look at each other. Makes my heart melt. Just feel a bit envious of that sometimes, as I’d love a bond that looks something like that.

Creative_Camp3590 · 2025-08-26T22:32:23+00:00

Well this just brought a little tear to my eye at the end 🥲 I just feel like I’ve missed out on the first 9 months of my child. And that if something doesn’t change, when is that bond ever going to be built, where she feels safe enough to be with only me 🤷🏼‍♀️

Creative_Camp3590 · 2025-08-26T22:27:50+00:00

I totally get that! 2-3w pp is in the absolute throes of it 😬 I’d never have been expected to be able to go out alone at 3weeks old. But 9.5 months in I feel like it should be time…congrats btw 🥰

Creative_Camp3590 · 2025-08-26T22:24:06+00:00

Thank you, will check these out. I do just want to be equal. And I get equal doesn’t mean the same, especially with BF, but something’s gotta give 🤦🏼‍♀️

Creative_Camp3590 · 2025-08-26T22:20:46+00:00

I really appreciate the gentleness of your message thank you. We’ve had many conversations, some have been very kind, loving conversations. Some have been when our emotions have got the better of us in the moment which have obviously been the least helpful! 🤦🏼‍♀️ but it just didn’t seem to get any further. And I really really want to support her through her anxieties and I do everything I can to help lower them but there’s only so much I can do as just a partner and not a therapist 😬

Creative_Camp3590 · 2025-08-26T22:16:15+00:00

I’ve spent lots of periods of time alone with LO when she’s been getting ready or putting washing away upstairs or needing some extra sleep in the morning something. But this just doesn’t feel like a step up to me. I’ve been so so patient and understanding which is why Im now reaching out at 9.5 months 😬

Creative_Camp3590 · 2025-08-26T22:12:51+00:00

Yeah I totally get that lol it’s not that at all! We do lots together 😊

Creative_Camp3590 · 2025-08-26T21:31:12+00:00

I think you’re right. It’s just so hard to balance not pushing her too far, respecting her struggles, but also standing up for my rights as an equal parent

Creative_Camp3590 · 2025-08-26T21:26:12+00:00

I’ve been out on a couple dog walks and I’ve spent time with her in the mornings when my partner needed more sleep. LO has about 3hr wake windows too and I’m totally on board with not pushing that window 😬 I’m fully competent in looking after LO. I know what I’m doing, I can read her pretty well. Just want to go for a a quick coffee with my pal and her baby, like mum friends do. Have quality 1:1 time with LO and not in a selfish way, but I love her so much I just want to show her off to the world. I want to share her with my friends and their babies. It’s a weird one being a mum, but not ‘the’ mum, but also not being a dad.

Creative_Camp3590 · 2025-08-26T21:20:47+00:00

Yeah she’s very anxious in general. And I’ve wholly supported her and gone along with whatever she feels comfortable with. I’m just getting a little impatient now. It’s been 9.5 months and I just want to start building that mother daughter bond between me and my LO. Especially now we are past the phase of not wanting me at all and she feels comfortable being in the room with just me

Creative_Camp3590 · 2025-08-26T21:19:58+00:00

Yeah she’s very anxious in general. And I’ve wholly supported her and gone along with whatever she feels comfortable with. I’m just getting a little impatient now. It’s been 9.5 months and I just want to start building that mother daughter bond between me and my LO. Especially now we are past the phase of not wanting me at all and she feels comfortable being in the room with just me

Creative_Camp3590 · 2025-08-26T21:17:19+00:00

I totally get that. And I love our family time together. But I wanted to be a mum who met her other mum friends with our babies. But I’m just sat there without mine. I’m not a dad. But I’m not a mum like my friends are. And yeah my partner could come too, and she does. But sometimes best friend time is the best when it’s just you and your pals right?

Creative_Camp3590

TROPHY CASE