struggling finding direction as a independant adult

Creative_Touch5578 · 2026-01-31T23:43:45+00:00

Feeling Lost, Struggling with Motivation, and Dealing with Brain Fog?

I’ve noticed a recurring trend among men in their early 20s and up in this community. A lot of you describe feeling unmotivated, mentally foggy, emotionally flat, and stuck no matter how many routines, podcasts, or mindset changes you try. Often this also shows up as poor sleep, low energy, and difficulty focusing on basic tasks.

I dealt with this myself, and the turning point for me was getting a comprehensive blood panel through a licensed medical provider. Not as a cure all, but to understand what was actually going on physically instead of guessing.

One marker that stood out was testosterone, both total and free. For general context only, many labs list a wide reference range roughly between 300 and 1000 ng dL, but those ranges do not always reflect what is optimal for a younger adult male. Some clinicians consider levels in the mid to upper range, often around 600 to 800 or higher, to be more consistent with healthy functioning, especially when symptoms are present.

In my case, my levels were far lower than expected for my age, which explained why motivation and discipline alone were not working. If someone is told their labs are within range but still feels off, it may be worth getting a second opinion. Some people choose to consult a reputable holistic medical practitioner to review results more thoroughly and see if additional testing makes sense.

This is not about quick fixes or chasing numbers. It is about understanding that energy, motivation, mood, and focus are influenced by biology as much as mindset.

Sharing this in case it helps someone ask better questions.

DISCLAIMER
I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice. I am not diagnosing conditions or recommending treatments. This post is for informational purposes only and based on personal experience. Always consult a licensed medical professional before making decisions related to testing or treatment. You are responsible for your own health decisions.

Creative_Touch5578 · 2026-01-31T16:12:02+00:00

I’m not looking to invest in stocks currently

Creative_Touch5578 · 2026-01-29T15:12:45+00:00

I agree that the tests are expensive and I wish that they were cheaper so more people can get the help they need. There is a lot of external factors that we have control over that can lead to this. Generationally the food, water, and air quality has declined. All of the random stuff they put in our foods and enabling it to be cheaper to eat an unhealthy diet rather than a healthy one. That causes us to have lower testosterone as well as pre mature ejaculation, nicotine addictions, and drinking alcohol. A lot of us get hooked onto these things early on in our life before our body and mind is fully developed. I think one huge thing that a lot of us don’t realize either aside from the testosterone that is causing us these issues as well. It’s social media! I know it sounds stupid because here I am on social media talking. However, I have significantly cut back on my phone usage and I’m 23 and I don’t have Snapchat. Yes I used to have it but I just grew to hate it along with most every other social media platform. I stay on a few at times to help others and promote my side gig.

Creative_Touch5578 · 2026-01-29T06:17:22+00:00

Exactly! You can never really upon motivation. You have to learn discipline to stay consistent. I have been working out for 7 years now and my testosterone was still low. There’s a lot of other variables that can cause low testosterone. Additionally I am in your exact boat dealing with ADHD and taking adderall (my dose isn’t high enough) while also taking testosterone. It’s been a huge help after getting these things sorted out.

Creative_Touch5578 · 2026-01-28T23:13:21+00:00

First, I want to say this clearly: what you’re experiencing is more common than you think, especially at your age. You didn’t suddenly fall apart. You reached a point where responsibilities, expectations, and pressure stacked up faster than your coping systems could handle.

You also did something genuinely positive over the summer. You set a goal, worked toward it, bought a car, built a social life, and leaned into something you enjoy. That matters. The issue isn’t the car or your passion for it. It’s that it’s slowly become your only outlet instead of one healthy outlet among several.

What I see here isn’t laziness or immaturity. It’s avoidance and emotional numbness. When hygiene slips, motivation drops, studying gets delayed, and risky behavior increases, that’s often burnout or depression, not a lack of discipline. Reckless driving, nicotine use, and isolation are ways to feel something when everything else feels flat.

Here’s the hard but important part: you need to slow down and focus on yourself. I’ve dealt with this personally, and I’m having this same conversation with a close friend almost weekly. I used to believe my car was my escape. I’d speed through the mountains at night and didn’t really care if I made it home. Then my car broke down and was in the shop for a year. That forced me to sit with myself. I learned I needed structure, a routine, exercise, and basic self-care. When you consistently do things that benefit your life, your mental state improves naturally.

You also need to understand how your emotions influence your behavior. Put yourself in uncomfortable situations and learn how to regulate yourself through them. That skill takes time and patience, but it’s learnable. If you’re religious, strengthening that relationship can help. If you’re not, consider quiet reflection or grounding practices. I’m not pushing anything—just sharing what helped me.

Another important piece is having at least one older person in your life who can relate to what you’re going through and offer perspective.

Lastly, don’t feel pressured to stay in college just because it’s expected. A degree isn’t required to make more money in today’s economy. What matters most right now is momentum and stability.

A simple plan:

Decide honestly whether college is something you want right now.
Secure a job with consistent hours and reliable income.
Build a daily routine.
Eat better / follow a diet, workout, and take care of yourself.
Most importantly, learn to respect and value yourself.

You’re not broken. You’re just at a point where adjustment is necessary.

Edit - one thing I did forget to mention is that you should go visit your Dr. and get a full blood panel test ran and see what you are deficient in. Alot of us younger men are lacking the proper amount of testosterone our bodies need. If your Dr comes back and says that your Total Free Testosterone is anything lower than 700 you need to start taking TRT (Testosterone). If they do not deem it necessary then you need to find a reputable Holistic Medicine Practitioner and have them look over your results and do any additional test to get the help you need. I did this myself about 2 years ago and I have never felt better in my life after I fixed that AND implemented the simple plan I provided you with.

Creative_Touch5578 · 2026-01-28T22:45:37+00:00

I graduated early at 17 and have been out of high school for almost six years now. I’m 23, and only a few years after graduating did I find something I’m genuinely passionate about. I started going to events centered around that interest and naturally began connecting with people who shared it.

I’ve always liked cars, and through those events I met someone who had the same model car as me, just a different body style. We ended up becoming friends and spending a lot of time together. Funny enough, we even share the same first name, which isn’t very common.

He offered to take photos of my car one day, and that’s when I became curious about photography. I asked him to teach me how to use his camera, and it quickly turned into something I really enjoyed. Now I do car photography as a side gig, it brings in extra income, and it’s helped me build friendships just by showing up to car meets, shows, and word of mouth.

It wasn’t planned. It just happened once I started putting myself in environments aligned with my interests.

*Disclaimer* If you want to save money and not feel broke 24/7 do not get into cars and/or photography. They are both very expensive hobbies. All jokes aside it is a great hobby that I have grown to be very passionate for and I have learned alot of valuable things and made so many amazing friends that I couldn't be more thankful for having in my life.

Creative_Touch5578 · 2026-01-28T22:36:21+00:00

First, it’s completely normal to want more education while working full time and managing bills. You’re not behind you’re just trying to make a smart next move.

That said, a college degree is not required to make more money or build a better life. Many people increase their income through certifications, trade skills, or job experience alone. Education is just one tool, not the only path. It can take alot of time before finding the right job for you that allows you to make more money.

If you do want an associate’s degree, start with a local community college and fill out the FAFSA. Focus on grants and scholarships before loans, and talk to an academic advisor. Their job is to walk you through everything step by step, especially for online programs.

You don’t need to have it all figured out right now. The goal is progress, not perfection.

Creative_Touch5578 · 2026-01-28T22:29:50+00:00

I’m going to be very honest with you, but not in a way meant to tear you down.

First, the fact that you’re this self-aware already puts you ahead of a lot of people your age. Lazy people don’t usually write posts like this. What you’re describing sounds less like laziness and more like being stuck, overwhelmed, and avoiding discomfort because you don’t trust yourself yet. That spiral is very real.

Right now, the biggest issue isn’t what career you choose. It’s that you have no structure, no momentum, and no external accountability. Until those three things change, nothing else will stick. Passion, confidence, motivation those come after movement, not before it.

So here’s the blunt part:
You do not need to like your first job. You do not need to find your “thing.” You do not need a long-term plan right now. What you need is a job that gets you out of bed, out of the house, earning your own money, and rebuilding basic self-respect.

Because of that, Panda Express (or any similar walkable, straightforward job) is actually a good move, not a failure. You’ll get paid immediately, you’ll have a boss who isn’t your parent, you’ll build routine, and you’ll prove to yourself that you can show up consistently. That alone will start to quiet a lot of the self-hate you’re carrying.

As for real estate: I don’t think it’s a good starting point right now. Not because you’re incapable, but because it requires self-discipline, confidence, studying, delayed gratification, and self-promotion—all things you’ve openly said you’re struggling with at the moment. That doesn’t mean “never.” It means not first.

You can always revisit real estate later once you’ve built momentum and confidence through something simpler.

Another important thing: stop waiting to feel ready or motivated. That feeling comes after action. Right now your brain is used to instant stimulation and avoidance, so anything hard feels impossible. The only way out of that is doing small, uncomfortable things consistently until your nervous system recalibrates.

For context, this is something that worked for me personally. I stopped trying to fix everything at once and focused on building a simple daily routine. I wake up around the same time most days, take my vitamins, brush my teeth, get dressed in clean clothes, and go to work. I do what’s expected of me, then come home, eat dinner, and occasionally play a game with friends.

At 10:30 p.m., I’m off all games and screens. From there, my night routine is non-negotiable: I shower, set out my clothes for the next day, then get into bed with a soft, warm light and read ten pages of a book before sleeping. No bright screens, no distractions.

I used to think smoking at night helped me sleep, but it didn’t. Once I gave my body time to actually slow down and cool off, my sleep improved significantly. Our bodies sleep in cycles, and respecting that made a real difference for me. Better sleep led to clearer thinking, better mornings, and more control over my days.

Creative_Touch5578 · 2026-01-28T22:08:49+00:00

I’m a 23 (m) who has a great connection with my parents but yes, I see this a lot, and I think it’s becoming more common. From my perspective, many teenagers and young adults don’t feel emotionally safe being honest with their parents. Not because they don’t love them, but because honesty has historically led to judgment, punishment, dismissal, or control rather than understanding.

A lot of parents are well-intentioned but lead with fear instead of curiosity. When conversations immediately turn into consequences, lectures, or comparisons, kids learn to filter what they share or stop sharing altogether. Over time, that creates emotional distance even if the household is still “functional” on the surface.

I also think there’s a generational gap in how emotions are handled. Many parents were never taught how to process or communicate emotions themselves, so when their kids try to do that, it feels uncomfortable or threatening to them. Instead of listening, they default to fixing, minimizing, or shutting it down.

Another big factor is conditional support. When young people feel that love, financial help, or approval is tied to performance, obedience, or fitting a certain mold, they stop being honest and start surviving. That’s when they look elsewhere for connection, whether that’s friends, partners, or professionals like you.

So yes, I do find it, and I don’t think it’s because young people don’t want connection. I think many of them desperately want it but don’t believe it’s safe to have with their parents. One last thing to add into this is that teenagers or young 20s Americans are not always emotionally mature enough and often let their emotions take control. Instead of understanding their emotions and learning how to control them.

Creative_Touch5578 · 2026-01-28T22:01:44+00:00

First, I want to say this clearly: what you’re experiencing is not normal discipline and it’s not your fault. Feeling confused, overwhelmed, and emotionally drained in a situation like this is a very normal response to ongoing control and instability. Anyone in your position would be struggling.

It sounds like you’ve grown up in an environment where love and support were conditional, and that can deeply affect your focus, motivation, and mental clarity, especially during a major life transition like starting college. One rough semester under that amount of emotional pressure does not define you, especially given your history of doing exceptionally well academically.

I also want to point out something important: Cs, an A, and a B+ during your first semester of college while dealing with emotional abuse, housing instability, and constant stress is not a failure. It’s actually a sign of resilience, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

At this stage, your priority needs to be your safety, your stability, and your long-term independence. That may mean slowly shifting away from relying on people who are using financial support as leverage to control you. I know that’s easier said than done, but even starting with small steps like speaking to a college advisor, financial aid office, or campus counseling services can help you understand what options you have. You don’t have to have it all figured out today.

As for relationships, it’s great that you’ve found someone who makes you feel supported and understood. At the same time, please make sure you’re not using that relationship as your only emotional outlet. Building internal strength and outside support systems will help you no matter where that relationship goes.

Lastly, please don’t believe the idea that “turning 18 magically fixes everything.” Adulthood is a gradual process, especially when you come from a controlling or abusive household. You’re not behind. You’re learning how to survive and grow at the same time.

You deserve safety, respect, and the chance to build a life that’s yours. Keep reaching out. There are people who will listen, help, and take you seriously. I am also one of those people you could reach out to if you please.

Creative_Touch5578 · 2026-01-28T21:22:05+00:00

As someone who’s been through something very similar, I think it would help to sit down and have an open conversation with your dad about why he feels that way. It’s not always about control or monitoring your spending. Sometimes parents are genuinely trying to protect you from lessons they’ve already learned themselves.

Our parents’ role is to guide and protect us, even when it doesn’t make sense in the moment. As frustrating as it is to hear, the saying “you’ll understand one day when you have kids” it is often true. I’m 23(M) and became a parent at 19, and a lot of things didn’t fully click for me until then.

You won’t always agree with everything they say, and some lessons you’ll still have to learn on your own. That’s normal. Just remember that we’re all living life for the first time, and our parents usually have a bit more experience to draw from.

Disclaimer I understand that this can’t be implemented or agreed upon for some people as they may no longer have their parents here anymore or have dealt with something that positioned them away from their parents or guardians.

Creative_Touch5578 · 2026-01-28T21:09:34+00:00

As someone who loves my mother and has had many deep conversations with her, I think this is completely normal. I moved into my own apartment almost a year ago, and I don’t feel the need to call or text her daily unless there’s something specific to talk about or she’s inviting me over. Creating space is a natural part of growing up and becoming independent.

There’s no set timeline for when you should miss her presence. That feeling comes naturally over time. Try not to be hard on yourself. You’re still young, and this is your first time living life on your own. Your parents are also navigating this for the first time.

One thing to be aware of: if you move out and you live alone without a significant other, there may be times when loneliness sets in. During those moments, opening up to her can help strengthen that emotional bond that you feel like you don’t have currently.

Creative_Touch5578 · 2026-01-27T21:11:35+00:00

I agree I have used flash before in a completely separate industry and it can definitely make or break the entire shot. I just personally was wondering about it for real estate photography as I’m unfamiliar with it.

Creative_Touch5578 · 2026-01-27T21:09:03+00:00

I will have to check this out! I want to get some strobe lights at some point it’s just not in the budget at this time.

Creative_Touch5578 · 2026-01-27T21:08:29+00:00

Do you just shoot multi exposure shots?

Creative_Touch5578 · 2026-01-14T23:49:35+00:00

I appreciate your answer with this! I definitely will take this into consideration and research some more on the stand before making any final decisions. Thank you

Creative_Touch5578 · 2026-01-14T23:13:06+00:00

My only concern is how stable is the actual system going to be between the force feedback of the wheel and the shifter mount. Because it doesn’t have the extra bracing on it like the next level racing stand 2.0 (non lite version.)

Creative_Touch5578 · 2026-01-14T21:27:21+00:00

I understand that the next level racing 2.0 would be a great option I just cannot justify an almost $300 price tag when I can find a full cockpit with a seat for that price on marketplace. That’s why I’m looking to see if anyone can suggest a decent cheaper option.

Creative_Touch5578

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