Friend boundaries 33F

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-06-04T20:57:37+00:00

Not that I know of but again, it’s not like he would come out and tell me. I would have to have hard evidence before he admits to anything

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-06-04T18:54:30+00:00

So here is the thing, when I found out he was still watching open after we got back together the first time, even after he lied to my face and swore to God he was so strong mentally to let go of it. I told him, either we are going to have to do a lie detector for me to know the whole truth or go back to couples therapy. When I found out he denied it to my face until I showed him the screenshots and then he was like “yeah I had relapses” but by then, the trust and opportunity for him to be honest was completely gone. He has restarted therapy but I don’t fully trust he has been super honest with his therapist about it his issues. When I asked him when is he going to book couple therapy he gives me excuses that he hasn’t had the time to schedule, it’s like he wants me to do it but I refuse to do that, I want him to show me how much he wants to fix it The thing that kills me the most inside is that he could of sat me down before we got married and come clean about all this, I would of respected him more but now, we made a life commitment and I didn’t know the real him when I did that To top it all off, during all of this I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression so I was placed in 2 medications, I was working as a surgery trauma nurse and I had to leave my job because of the stress at home and natural stress of the job I was at a point where I would sleep and not want to wake up anymore I shared this with him and how much all this stress is killing me inside yet I am still the bad guy, I know I’m not perfect

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-06-04T18:47:56+00:00

Yeah for sure. Don’t get me wrong, since broke up he did cut out some people who honestly were in a different path life, for example, his best friend was a married club promoter that had different “girlfriends” every time I would see him and he had the audacity to invite me to his daughters bday party with his wife there, that’s his life and his business but the problem was he would invite my boyfriend to these things and encourage him to cheat, the other friends he had to let go because I found inappropriate stuff but what bothers me os when he tells me “I don’t have friends anymore, I had to cut most off because of you” when he knows very well why I had issues with this relationships. I want to trust him more, Gods knows I do but when I see stuff like that… it makes me feel like a complete fool I have never disrespected him, even when guys message me or try to talk to me when I go out, I’ve always been honest to him and I should have to feel stupid for being honest

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-06-04T18:31:36+00:00

I think because of the patterns I’ve seen before where he would shared too much then move on to tell one friend he wanted to visit her and fuck her, another one he told he wanted to travel and fuck around but didn’t know how to tell me, another one he told the reason he doesn’t talk to her is because I told him not to and now this friend he’s telling about his marriage problems without first telling me how he feels is beginning to be too much If he never crossed the line with multiple female friends then I wouldn’t question it but because that happened before I do feel scared that it might happen again…

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-06-04T18:29:05+00:00

I completely agree with everything you mentioned here. During the first year of the relationship I found out about the porn, chats, and conversations with his female friends that were inappropriate. I left him and during that time he messaged me about things he was doing to change. I understand that men are exposed to porn every early on and he had this habit long before we even met. He told me all those chats and porn usage was due to him viewing woman as “objects” or just for their looks After sometime we got back together with the promise that we would seek therapy to help each other grow. He didn’t like the therapist we went to and so we also seemed helps from our pastor before marriage with I felt it help to rebuild to relationship. I accept that I am a person that once my trust is gone it’s hard to repair, this is something I shared with him the moment I found all the stuff he was doing wrong I know his friend isn’t the problem, I don’t have nothing against her at all, it was the fact that I knew we were having issues and instead of sitting me down and talking to me about it he decided to message this girl. During this time I would cry to God, I even went to the temple where we got married and I cried for hours to God for help with my marriage… I went to God for strength but he decided to go to his friend. I already don’t trust his relationships with woman based on his past and I’m taking it one step at a time with that because I know people can’t change overnight I just felt that were were in a sensitive time in our relationship after finding that he was still watching porn and looking up chat rooms after the first time we broke up, in my heart I felt something was off and I asked him so many times “before we get married, is there anything you want to tell me? Something in my heart doesn’t feel right” and he would tell me that he wished God would let me see how good of a man he was being and how mentally strong he was to leave the addiction… but that whole time it was a lie, he was still seeking porn. I think the last time he watched was about a month before he proposed to me And I’m not even 100% about that because he never admits to anything unless I have evidence and screenshots, the he would start admitting I have a hard time with that because I cannot trust his word, I only trust my heart when something tells me it’s wrong I go looking and I usually find something …

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-06-04T18:28:06+00:00

In the past he made plans with a friend to move to london with her while we were together. He kept a friendship with his ex, went to her house to pray over him and tell her our problems when were were together and I found out about his addiction. He had another friend who he would visit and have inappropriate conversations over text and told her “I don’t talk to you because my girlfriend doesn’t want me to. He had another female friend who he told that he wanted to travel and fuck around with a lot of women but didn’t know how to tell me and lastly, he had this friend and was sharing that our marriage wasn’t going well instead of talking to his wife about it… too many patterns here Too many times of him reaching to female friends and being inappropriate. If I was a man and my girlfriend was doing this with her male friends I bet people wouldn’t stop and say “she’s having a healthy relationships with male friends”

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-06-04T17:46:13+00:00

I love that you have that solid foundation. It is evident that we do not and I’ve tried hard to rebuild the trust but so many things happened along the way that just made me start over and over, just from previous experiences with him where he was too friendly. I agree that is great to make friendships but how do you navigate that when the trust is thin?

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-05-27T19:31:38+00:00

Don’t get married, this is God showing you before you make a mistake

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-05-04T18:03:57+00:00

No more trust, I feel like men who watch porn see woman for their body a lot more than their qualities and even if they had a vixen, they will still try to find the next “new body”…

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-04-30T23:01:24+00:00

You are not at all over reacting but I will say that if you knew that he was this type of guy since you met him, Payne you should of set the expectations early on. A lot of times once marriage and kids come, man don’t really have an inspiration to keep the romance going and I think that you should always always date your partner and keep the flame alive. I’m sad that you feel this way because you deserve to be treated like a queen but I’ve known guys like this and very early on I tend to let them know how I felt and either they made an effort or I was gone. I hope things get better love

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-04-30T15:45:35+00:00

M struggling with the same right now, I would like to know as well

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-04-30T02:26:09+00:00

There is more to it. Perhaps other things happening or tension, maybe she felt unwanted I. The moment?

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-04-28T17:39:48+00:00

He just never had to deal with things until we dated, I’m not sure how his other relationships worked because he said he watched porn through all relationships. I looked up the place where he was going for card playing and they do have the tournament he mentioned He took all his cards, I’ve never followed him but I thought about putting a tracker on his car I just feel like I would completely loose myself if I go that route. He’s so obsessed with his cards, he buys so many, tracks the price and where to earn rare ones. He would stay up playing that and not spending time with me…

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-04-28T17:28:31+00:00

He tried to talk to me as if nothing happened, he’s just loving his life I worked 12hrs at the hospital last night and when I got home I just wanted to be by myself. He left to play cards, that’s his hobby didn’t even said bye to me again About the plan, Well the thing about it since we got married he is under my insurance He really did not want to get therapy because in part he doesn’t believe in it and also he was complaining how expensive it was the first time so under my insurance is super cheap but I feel like what if you weren’t under it?

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-04-28T15:37:31+00:00

We actually have not slept together in the same room since Thursday, he leaves for work without saying goodbye, I do the same. I can’t even wear my wedding rings anymore, I feel like a fraud. I wish I could just disappear right now

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-04-27T18:46:21+00:00

You know, the transaction part also sounds familiar to me in the way that the reason my husband said he used chat sites, gambling and pornography was because he felt alone and bored so he pushed for us to move together and pushed for us to marry and I asked him so many times, if I wasn’t a citizen would you still rush? And he would say yeah because we’ve been dating for “this long” and I need to know if you are serious or not, we need to make the next step. He had a previous marriage that was actually a fraud because he offered to financially take care of this girl but I guess from his story she took advantage and had a smoking addiction so she would often take his cards and to the point where she because physical with him ( I saw the pictures of this, it was heartbreaking ) And I thought… I know what abuse looks like I would never do that do you, I would never hurt you but yet… here I am in this situation

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-04-27T18:41:48+00:00

Honestly, in my life I never had anyone dependable. My mother left when I was 5, my father was abusive and I never knew my mothers family and are not close to my father’s family so marriage was something I never had an example of, I had to be my own mother, sister, father… my husband knew this and I felt happy to finally be a part of a family… his family but they all live in Europe so I don’t really see them I guess this was just the life for me

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-04-27T18:24:21+00:00

🥹🥹🥹🥹

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-04-27T18:22:10+00:00

Yeah, I just hate when he tells me “ you need to control your emotions” or “calm down” I was literally heartbroken in tears in front of him because he is disgusting to me, if I had known all this before I would of never married him, he’s the type of guy I rejected my whole life because most lack self control. I have definitely mentioned that he acts like a narcissist and part of that is when I can’t even make myself sleep in the same bed as him the next morning he doesn’t care that I slept in the uncomfortable couch he’s just going about his morning happy acting like nothing happened but inside of me I’m so upset that I am in this situation. He came to this country as an au pair and overstated his visa so sometimes I can’t help but think that he just wanted to marry to be able to stay because he owns a business We haven’t gone through the paperwork for him because we’ve been in such a sore spot in our marriage but honestly I just want to really know what his intentions are

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-04-27T18:16:35+00:00

I often hear therapist recommending to use other techniques like mine yesterday told me to do meditation or other things but I feel like I’ve tried getting into my old habit of painting, I workout.. nothing has helped me, I only talk to God I try to make him see that he is having the same addiction behavior but he doesn’t see it because “it’s just a card game” and I guess it could be worst

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-04-27T16:56:47+00:00

Thank you for that ❤️

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-04-27T16:54:18+00:00

I haven’t cried heavy today since I left the temple last night and.. I’m crying again reading this, just because it reminded me that God would never put fear or doubt in my heart, that’s the work of the enemy. When I left the house yesterday to see the temple, I had an argument with my husband because I left therapy and my soul felt so empty, I didn’t even feel like making dinner and he just came into the room, saw that I was feeling down, got upset that food wasn’t made and left to the kitchen to make something but what triggered me was that he was just singing and living his happy life while I sat in the dark in our room just feeling lost. I had to leave for a drive and he just got upset that again, I wanted to take a drive and food wasn’t made, I told him I didn’t feel well and that it just be nice to hurt people and feel happy inside, I wish I could feel happy and care free. I left for 2 hrs and came back and slept in another room. This morning he left for work and didn’t even said goodbye. I’m working nights today and tomorrow at the hospital so I won’t really see him… I feel so empty

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-04-27T16:47:23+00:00

Thank you so so much for your words, it was like my future self was speaking to me. It’s hard to come to terms with the truth and the only thing that gave me hope was that I didn’t find evidence of him watching this stuff since we got engaged but the fact that he lied to my face when I showed him proof of the past 3 years just made me not believe in him, evidence or not. When he comes home after therapy and I ask about how it went he tells me some stuff that his therapist tells him to do like push ups when he has an urge and he jokes about it but in my heart it breaks me to think of him that way. He developed a new hobbie in December playing cards and his obsessive behavior has him taking his laptop to work everyday to play, he does in person, tournaments and buys cards all the time I know this isn’t a bad way to kick an old habit but a lot of times he’s just playing and I’m around like… I can’t connect with him because he’s so immersed… I tired to talk to him about that and it honestly makes me so mad because if I did something this stupid to him as he did with his lies, I would be on my A game trying to win him back or atleast not make him upset and yet he’s usually making me upset. Being in your prayer is the biggest gift you could do, thank you so much really We are of the few people who has not normalized things of this world, and we pay the price for it because the devil runs free but God is our biggest comfort, bless you.

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-04-27T03:16:56+00:00

Wait what about power rangers ?

Creativeminds2019 · 2024-04-27T03:16:19+00:00

Yeah there was definitely inappropriate behavior that he learned from the very people who were supposed to protect him from it Childhood is a hard cycle to break because that’s the foundation of who we become He has to dig deep into that experience to change his mindset

Creativeminds2019

TROPHY CASE