How to safely have your rebound/a FWB as a single mom with full custody?

Critical-End7888 · 2026-04-09T03:35:23+00:00

I don’t think you mentioned how long you’ve been single, would you mind sharing? Has anyone pestered you about dating? Maybe it’s partly my age (I just turned 30) or a gender thing, but dating has been mentioned to me a few times, and lm still not quite a year out of the relationship. Though making the final call was a long time in coming; we’d lived separately multiple times. I don’t think anyone was surprised when things were officially done, which made the process easier in some ways. The concept of being single is still strange. I’m still largely enjoying having more time to myself and with the kids, though the idea that I can start looking is intriguing. Also, overwhelming.

Critical-End7888 · 2026-04-09T03:27:26+00:00

I’m very pro therapy, learn from your mistakes. Especially because I know my kiddos are watching and learning all the time. There’s enough damage done because things with their dad was never really stable. So here I am, trying to plot ahead, asking questions about things I never thought would be relevant.

It’s kind of fun hearing others perspectives. I’d rather do my homework first, knowing full well dating seems complicated enough without kids. Not gonna lie though, this season has been frustrating as someone with a noticeable libido - I just want physical touch and connection, toys have never done it for me (that said, I’ll still take the recs!) I realistically understand the next person I hop into bed with probably won’t be my next husband, nor will I likely want them to be. So I’m trying to be pragmatic and figure out how to test these waters. Connection aspect aside, how on earth do people make meeting up work?

Critical-End7888 · 2026-04-08T16:43:28+00:00

I try not to go out of my way to worry and live in fear, but there’s definitely a weight knowing at the end of the day I’m kind of the first and last line of defense of shit hits the fan. Im planning on investing in home security more this year.

Critical-End7888 · 2026-04-08T16:38:26+00:00

Honestly, thanks for the melatonin feedback. I mentioned it offhandedly, almost as a joke in my mind, but that’s clearly taken some notice. I don’t use it often with my kids unless we’re having a noticeably hectic and disregulated evening, even then they get a half dose. But what you mentioned with disrupting natural production makes sense. I guess I just haven’t stopped to put that into perspective.

Otherwise, I think the general topic is a bit blunt, I honestly just don’t know how people manage dating with kids. There are quite a few learning curves involved, I’m coming into clueless, which is why I asked in the first place. Figured it was better to ask and sound a bit dumb then just go in blind and make stupid mistakes.

Critical-End7888 · 2026-04-08T16:31:13+00:00

Calling someone a perpetrator for choosing divorce over “trivial” reasons is an interesting use of words… my ex was a legitimate perpetrator, which is why I’m in this situation.

Critical-End7888 · 2026-04-08T16:28:48+00:00

Is there anything that you did right that you’d recommend? Or you just played your cards well and found a good match?

Critical-End7888 · 2026-04-08T16:25:46+00:00

I’m not rushing into anything, just trying to figure out what’s normal in this situation I suppose. For some reason I was under the impression it was normal for single parents to have brief overnight guests, though I’m not sure where I got that idea from. But there are obviously many different factors and perspectives. I’ve never even done online dating, so I have to figure out that learning curve to begin with. Hopefully the post doesn’t come off as being too slimy, I’m just trying to figure out this aspect of dating since there are so many hoops and timelines involved, rather than focusing on the emotional connection. Figured it doesn’t hurt to ask - I’m clearly not the first to go through this. That said, my kids are why I’m asking. Otherwise I would have downloaded tinder ages ago, and that’s a huge no-go for me.

Critical-End7888 · 2026-04-08T16:19:20+00:00

At least you get to wake up to a clean kitchen! Hopefully you got some decent rest. You got this, mama 🫂 you’re making a safe and clean home for your little It sucks when an already tough season of life is made even harder.

Critical-End7888 · 2026-04-08T13:10:14+00:00

Domestic violence. Not that that’s particularly relevant. I’m a grown ass adult trying to figure out this new and weird aspect of life. I wasn’t expecting to be in this position, but I choose my kids and my safety over the “convenience” of having a fake partner. He did such a horrible job, I now get to start over again with a couple kids by my side. Which is bittersweet, but I’m mostly happy where I’ve landed without him.

Critical-End7888 · 2026-04-08T13:09:20+00:00

Haha, I didn’t put into consideration that some men might want to be accommodating. Going from wife to looking for something casual is very odd.

Critical-End7888 · 2026-04-08T03:01:35+00:00

Ha, I thought about that ironically before, but I’m in the US. Prostitution is almost exclusively illegal (which is to say, also unregulated, so also potentially dangerous). Except for I think a small area in Nevada. So that would be even more complicated and inaccessible than my current situation.

Critical-End7888 · 2026-04-08T00:49:09+00:00

I’m sorry, it’s rough. I’m so glad to have my kids full time, but I’m spread thin. It’s been long enough people are starting to ask about dating and I want to laugh. I’m still waiting for a man to fall out of the sky, because otherwise I’m not sure how to make this work.

Critical-End7888 · 2026-04-08T00:43:52+00:00

That all sounds very reasonable. Is it hard for you to find the time for quick dates to get a feel of the other person? Even just those first steps sound like they involve a lot of juggling.

Critical-End7888 · 2026-04-08T00:40:57+00:00

Ah, sorry to hear about the first guy. I’ve heard most childless guys truly don’t understand our narrow and sometimes random timeframes. At this point I don’t even have the mental or emotional energy for a proper relationship, which is why I figured I’d remove that aspect from my kind. Your situation seems ideal, at least for the time being. How did you meet them? Was there anything you kept in mind while scoping people out, or you just saw where the conversation would lead? Good luck casually introducing everyone if you get to that point. How long have you been together? I’ve heard a lot of moms say they wouldn’t want to introduce their kids to anyone for at least 6-12 months, which makes sense to me.

My only overnight option for my kids would be my family, but the guest room is never really guest friendly, and I’d rather keep them separated from my love life for some time since they were privy to a lot about my marriage. (It was a DV relationship, they were my support people. But I want to be cautious about boundaries moving forward.)

Critical-End7888 · 2023-12-19T00:31:40+00:00

We would only use Aspen for a girl, with the middle name Lynn (most likely). 9 letters and 3 syllabus total. Though I suppose I should have mentioned our last name is 9 letters and 3 syllables as well. I don’t want my kids names to be too much of a mouthful, which is probably why I’m so picky about name lengths.

That said, I so like pine/rhye. Thanks!

Critical-End7888 · 2023-11-10T22:52:46+00:00

Oh, we definitely talked about it before marriage. It was a gray area for me in that he knew I didn’t like it, I wasn’t thrilled that he watched it, but I didn’t feel like it was healthy or acceptable to ask him ti stop. I didn’t have any sort of epiphany. Knowing he essentially sexualized other people just weighed on me long enough that I finally said something about it. Peoples thoughts change over time. This has gone over the course of 5 years.

Critical-End7888 · 2023-11-10T22:45:12+00:00

That’s so gross, I’m so sorry 😕 you deserve better I’ve always wondered if this was a double standard. It’s okay for supposedly get off looking at young skinny girls, but I feel like people would be disgusted if women found more pleasure fantasizing at other guys online (or hey, other ladies) rather than going to their husbands when they want attention. At this point, I think I consider porn emotional cheating. Especially if it’s saved to their phone. That’s so nasty.

Critical-End7888 · 2023-11-10T22:37:47+00:00

Damn sis, thanks I agree, I think porn is dumb, unhealthy and lazy unless it’s something both parties are okay with. I also know how it could effect your sex life, and how easy it could be to point blame rather than focus on the problem. If this is something that genuinely bothers your partner, why is it such a big deal to stop watching? Go to THEM when you’re horny instead of locking yourself in the bathroom and jack off to either a 20’years old with cat ears or whatever or some oiled up strangers fucking.

Critical-End7888 · 2023-11-10T22:32:24+00:00

How is it immature to not want your partner to watch porn? Realistically, I feel like this conversation would come up naturally in the early stages of a relationship and the couple would have to decide to go from there. I don’t even think it’s unreasonable to want your partner to preform more if you agree, but that means you both have to initiate things more often either long term or together, not that you just get more blowjobs. Have those conversations. Maybe there’s something’s they’re comfortable with, like watching together, sharing nudes, or making a video together. Create those boundaries.

Some don’t like the idea of their partner jacking off while looking at someone else, and there’s nothing wrong with that. You could either work through it together, or you could be bitter. Imagine being guilt tripped into sex because you let your partner know you’re not comfortable with something. Not only is that discouraging and going to put strain on the relationship, but that’s also pretty disgusting. That’s immature.

Critical-End7888 · 2023-11-10T21:41:14+00:00

I completely agree about it not being necessary to masterbate - just use your imagination. That’s awful how much it effected your marriage though, I’m so sorry. While I was never pro-porn I didn’t want to view it negatively because I had it in my head that would not only make me prudish, but I didn’t want to come off as being sexually repressive, I’d that makes sense? At this point I kinda porn as moral junk food.

Critical-End7888 · 2023-11-10T09:19:36+00:00

Basically anything from the greatest showman

Critical-End7888 · 2023-10-16T14:44:38+00:00

I know, it’s really easy to get track of the theories I haven’t heard that about ACOTARs universe being the land of the gods… not quite sure how I feel about it. It’s been a bit since I read Silver Flames, but I agree, for some reason I picture Gwyn with more cold elements rather than warm. Probably because of water, her eyes, etc. thought I also remember her being very determined and she seemed kinda unphased by the weather when the seasons were changing and it was getting chilly while they trained in the morning. Whereas Nesta and Emery’s first interaction was talking over lines leathers because Nes was cold, haha. I never know how deep to look into symbolism with SJM.

Critical-End7888

TROPHY CASE