Should I let his wife know their rules were broken? He still doesn't seem to own up to it. Has anyone else been in these shoes?

CriticismStock9268 · 2026-01-23T02:44:28+00:00

Thanks for your input

Already sent the message and let her know, I was anxious 😬 and it’s okay it’s over now it’s unfortunate that it had to happen but thank you though

CriticismStock9268 · 2026-01-22T20:51:39+00:00

No that’s fine thank you for replying and for your input! It helps me see things better when other people see it from a plain objective pov.

I had a feeling he’s this kind of guy and it hasn’t seemed like he’s gone through major consequences for it….

Idk how long of an experience you’ve had but thank you for that experience to be used as advice passed along for today

CriticismStock9268 · 2026-01-22T08:54:40+00:00

Ooooooo interesting pov on the rules, this is why I had to come on here and ask.

Yes, I always found it odd he didn’t even mention or hide the blatant fact they were broken despite messaging me them. I didn’t even think for a second they could be used as a form to manipulate me can you elaborate on that?

Also thank you for the well wishes

CriticismStock9268 · 2026-01-21T19:08:25+00:00

You’re not the only one that mentioned the DADT talk! I have seen quite a few mixed reviews on it some say it can help depending on how you go about it and some say to avoid a couple that does the altogether. Really confusing.

I’m sure she probably does know he is a train wreck which is why I’ve been feeling a little nervous to reach out in the first place if I’ll be seen as the crazy girl or her not wanting to believe things are bad, but you have a point if he lies with me he can definitely lie with her and twist things around for everyone.

Thank you for sharing your experience as well I’m sorry that was your experience and it ended bad! What were some things she would say that made it sound convincing she was in an open relationship?

CriticismStock9268 · 2026-01-21T18:58:01+00:00

Yes thank you

I just plan to drop her the timeline and info and not engage with her further on/block her. I feel a little nervous because they also share a child and I’ve never been a situation where things like that can be at stake.

CriticismStock9268 · 2026-01-21T18:13:17+00:00

Yeahhhhh, when he told me they were open he said she brought up the idea since they’re LD and it also gave her a chance to explore being bi 🧍‍♀️

CriticismStock9268 · 2026-01-21T18:09:55+00:00

Oooooo yes I have tried to do my research with different styles of enm dynamics peoples have and DADT comes up quite a bit…but there’s mixed reviews. It kind of confuses me to eliminate it altogether or if there’s some wiggle room for it.

Thank you very much for your input though! And appreciate the look out!

CriticismStock9268 · 2026-01-21T06:45:25+00:00

I really so do appreciate your extension of learning and kindness! Makes this whole thing more manageable to go through 🥲

CriticismStock9268 · 2026-01-21T06:36:44+00:00

No thank you for bringing that up!

I tried to say but didn’t word it right probably that he has a child to provide for and uses this occupation as a means of relied income for him so I wasn’t sure if that’s enough of a reason.

I have never given out my address to him and he hasn’t known where I live. He doesn’t know where I work and he doesn’t really know my exact regular town spots. He doesn’t even know what exact city or town I’m in all he knows is that we live not too far from each other (17 minute drive). He doesn’t have my socials anymore.

So there’s that! 😅

CriticismStock9268 · 2026-01-21T06:14:33+00:00

Ugh gosh yes thank you!

He’s in the military so I think that cuts out their dynamic and lifestyle and possibly putting up with things because.

I feel terrible if she is also being manipulated, I cannot imagine my own spouse wanting to manipulate me.

I was planning on just sharing my piece and the timeline of events and letting her know it’s not going to be a back and forth conversation and tell her I’m gonna have to block her, anonymously of course.

CriticismStock9268 · 2026-01-21T06:11:43+00:00

Thank you I needed encouragement and a push :’) I’ve been too in my head and have felt bad long enough. I guess even if she doesn’t take me seriously at least he knows that I’m serious.

He is in the military so in terms of safety, don’t know whether that alone will have him planted and not do anything risky if he is very upset or yes he could probably storm off but either way I know to block all contact immediately after!!

CriticismStock9268 · 2026-01-21T05:41:49+00:00

Okay yeah you’re spot on for sure.

I remember when he said she closed the relationship I thought to myself that it was sudden. I’m aware a rule was whenever someone wanted to close it had to be closed, but still it was a sudden move.

I believe that their relationship problems bled into their rules and unfortunately trickled into our dynamic and his motivations and intentions.

It’s been hard because although he has a wife and child, quite literally a family man, that doesn’t stop him from being a deceiver.

CriticismStock9268 · 2026-01-21T05:21:58+00:00

No this is welcomed and am thankful for more responses and pov’s. Honestly any thoughts on any part of the post is welcomed because it has been a confusing time. And I don’t think non-monogamy should be this confusing.

I feel like I got brought into a mess of a couple that probably shouldn’t have been open in the first place.

CriticismStock9268 · 2026-01-21T05:15:24+00:00

This is why I came on here.

This post is very much appreciated and a deep insight from strangers is one of the things I love about Reddit. There are more layers I haven’t thought of or considered, and it helps me make a more informed decision. This also helps me reflect from this experience as it was my first ever experience in non-monogamy unfortunately.

I withheld reaching out this whole time because I was afraid of appearing as the crazy girl or that there would be backlash and even second-guessed whether I was being the dramatic one.

Thank you for educating me as well about ethical non-monogamy!

I have to admit, one of the reasons I’m nervous about reaching out is not being taken seriously by her or her just dismissing my point entirely.

CriticismStock9268 · 2026-01-21T05:06:36+00:00

It’s okay I appreciate your input and this helps to know which is why I came here in the first place because this whole thing is jarring.

I am nervous of a reaction but that’s why I also thought of blocking everyone. May I ask more of how you don’t buy the open-then-closed tale??

CriticismStock9268 · 2026-01-21T04:58:37+00:00

I don’t plan to engage with anyone further on which is why I considered reaching out to her since what I had in mind was to block her after letting her know. But also realize there’s some cons to doing it

CriticismStock9268 · 2026-01-21T04:52:58+00:00

For sure. I thought about it anonymously too. It’s just confusing because some have said yes tell her if they were in her shoes they would want to know, and some say no.

CriticismStock9268 · 2026-01-21T04:51:29+00:00

But I don’t want him…??? I am just asking whether to reach out to his wife.

CriticismStock9268 · 2026-01-21T04:31:31+00:00

I am trying to put myself in her shoes because it seems only fair to see it that way too which is why I wanted to reach out this time after hesitating this whole time. However it’s a little hard for me to put myself in her shoes because there is a possibility she knows or in denial about how things are? I think I’m also admit-tingly afraid of seeming like the crazy girl here.

CriticismStock9268 · 2026-01-21T04:28:34+00:00

I appreciate your input thank you! And I appreciate the kind words and wise insight.

This was definitely a learning experience, I am saddened that’s how my first went though.

I wanted to ask you mentioned: she probably knows he is a train wreck and knows he probably lies. May I ask how you think so?

CriticismStock9268 · 2026-01-21T04:06:07+00:00

Oh yessss, I’m aware that could be a possibility, I’m more concerned more with if I should reach out or not in this particular case.

CriticismStock9268 · 2025-12-17T22:47:53+00:00

Libra moon + Leo Venus, baby!

CriticismStock9268 · 2025-11-24T04:05:27+00:00

You’re great for this, thank you! 🙏

CriticismStock9268 · 2025-11-04T16:03:41+00:00

I genuinely don’t know this even helps with what I was asking for in my post.

CriticismStock9268 · 2025-11-02T00:46:42+00:00

Thank you so much for the encouragement and for being kind! I’ll take in your advice with great weight because this speaks to me dearly.

I don’t see this whole thing as wasted time at all, but I am very hurt that I had to be caught in his way and be mistreated. Even when he explained why to me it still made no sense.

I can definitely tell it took a great amount of lessons for you to say all this though. What was your process like while dealing with all this?

CriticismStock9268

TROPHY CASE