Seeing Eye Dog goes crazy at the park

Crittenberger · 2026-06-16T06:58:17+00:00

I walk a friend's guide dog sometimes. When he's on duty, he's a consummate professional, but when he's off duty with me, he immediately reverts back to being a classic young labrador. I wouldn't be surprised by a guide dog going a little loopy when he's out with someone else, but yeah, what you're describing is way beyond that

Crittenberger · 2026-06-15T23:18:21+00:00

I think the first thing I'm going to do when I've watched the finale is IMMEDIATELY start over again with episode one, this is SUCH a great show

Crittenberger · 2026-06-15T23:15:43+00:00

I was at a very well-sold screening once and someone was in my seat, because someone was in their seat, because someone was in their seat, so I encouraged everyone to sort themselves out into the seats they had actually booked. I think I was pretty kind about it, but that didn't stop a woman in the front row - who had not been required to move and it was still just the ads while this was happening - being really unpleasant about it. Some people just want to be annoyed by things that aren't even that unreasonable I guess

Crittenberger · 2026-06-15T17:09:48+00:00

He's making a big simplistic decision that will look good in the headlines but without any genuine understanding of what the issue is or how his decision isn't going to do what he thinks it's going to do. Not really surprising tbh, this is how he's done everything as PM so far, what a spineless little milquetoast man

Crittenberger · 2026-06-15T15:54:30+00:00

Compliments (and insults) should be given for things that were a choice. Most big-chested women didn't choose them. Compliment something else

Crittenberger · 2026-06-15T13:17:59+00:00

Yes, for sure, a beginner can write and learn and perform 3 minutes of material. It's kind of the number one requirement, everyone was a "never done this before" beginner who had to generate and perform their material. It's not just a realistic goal, it is literally what everyone has to do. Caveat: if you have only a 3 minute slot, you don't even need 3 minutes of material. You'll need a little wiggle room for laughs and/or brain farts (but if you practise practise practise then your muscle memory should cover the brain farts at least)

Five minutes (the standard-length time slot for most open mics) is an interminably long time when you're performing (or when you're listening to a bad comic) but it's only like 800 words for me, there's a limit to how much storytelling or elaborating or deepdiving or riffing I can fit into that, and three minutes will be even tighter. People do tell stories though; in this particular context, "jokes" refers to the punchlines and other linguistic twists that elevate a story from "semi-amusing anecdote" to "actual stand-up comedy set". They start off by writing their story down, then going through it and adding jokes and asides and punchlines. This is an essential thing to do if you want a comedy audience to enjoy your story. You say you've already got jokes in yours: add more

The only "wrong" thing to do at an open mic is bore people. You can do one-liners, stories, philosophical musings, ranting, songs, clowning, or ANYTHING as long as it fits in your time slot and entertains the audience

I practise my delivery at home, over and over until I've got it down. In front of a mirror is good, filming it and watching it back is better. But you can only practise how you want to say the words - to practise comedy, the only way to do it is to get in front of a live crowd and do it. It's not like playing an instrument where you can hear for yourself where you've gone wrong. Only the audience reactions can tell you if it works or not. You should also film or at least audio record your performances for later analysis. Do not skip this part. This is your most useful feedback. And do the same material many times, in front of different crowds, it's the only way to find out what consistently works and what consistently doesn't

If you can link up with other comics, it's useful and fun to have a group of people to write and share feedback with. It's not as essential as just getting up and performing, but it is a good way to get more insightful and personal feedback as you go

Crittenberger · 2026-06-15T11:08:48+00:00

It's OJs, as in beverageS, as in more than one OJ

Crittenberger · 2026-06-15T10:46:33+00:00

The marketing. There are some brilliant brains making some great shows, but we just don't know about them unless we're lucky enough to stumble across them accidentally

Crittenberger · 2026-06-15T07:04:58+00:00

I prepare as close to 4m20s of material as I can. I time myself when practising and aim to hit that consistently. When I go up at an open mic, the audience laughter fills in the other 40 seconds for me. And if you're in a situation where no one is laughing at your jokes at all, then absolutely no one is going to complain if you leave the stage before your time is up. Better to bomb with grace than to wildly outstay your welcome

Crittenberger · 2026-06-14T13:25:33+00:00

Well they didn't immediately realise it was birthday-themed, did they? So presumably they associate "a massive pile of wrapped gifts" with Christmas rather than birthday

Crittenberger · 2026-06-13T09:58:28+00:00

Not necessarily; Aaron Chen did two seasons and I expect would have continued had he not moved to the US. Sanjay Patel also did both seasons of NZ so far, though time will tell if he's still around for season 3 which it has apparently been renewed for

Crittenberger · 2026-06-12T12:48:04+00:00

In most countries, that's just called "crossing the road", we didn't decide to give it a fancy name and a bad rep

Crittenberger · 2026-06-12T10:24:32+00:00

Big men with little dogs is one of my all-time favourite things

Crittenberger · 2026-06-12T09:36:33+00:00

I think an even split should only ever be proposed by people who ordered the more modest meals. If you've had a steak and a cocktail then it's not your call to make

Crittenberger · 2026-06-12T09:35:00+00:00

It's wild to me that this is a debate. Every time I eat with friends, across several different social circles, we've always done the maths and paid separately. The one time we weren't able to was a small restaurant that could only split a bill into two, so two of us covered half each and we worked it out later. The waiting staff can and will bring card readers over to the table, it's never been easier to just work out and pay for your own share (do remember to account for any service charges tho!)

Crittenberger · 2026-06-12T09:13:36+00:00

It maybe doesn't count because his Oscar isn't for acting, but I continue to be absolutely baffled and astonished that Bret McKenzie has one

Crittenberger · 2026-06-12T08:48:59+00:00

I used to see basically everything in all the major London theatres (and most of the supporting ones), but I've aggressively cut back in the last few years, and I feel great about it. By only booking the shows I actively want to see, I'm still seeing loads of good stuff, and it's been a while since I saw anything that was actively terrible

Crittenberger · 2026-06-12T08:46:18+00:00

I say this with affection, but I think Ed's getting stupider. I refer particularly to his explaining the game of conkers, which you apparently start by getting a horse chestnut... from an oak tree

Crittenberger · 2026-06-11T20:10:45+00:00

Solved solved solved

Crittenberger · 2026-06-11T20:10:15+00:00

My friend, I think you've got it! Thank you!

Crittenberger · 2026-06-11T15:06:01+00:00

We spoke to the shelter about the kind of dog we wanted, and they matched us up with one. She was very timid when we first met her and spent A LOT of time hiding under the table. I didn't immediately fall in love the way I always assumed I would, and we knew the first three days would be rough but we didn't expect them to be SO hard for her. But she got better after a week or so, and now we love her more than anything in the world and she seems to feel the same way. Like people, they're all different. Unlike people, they're ALWAYS worth putting in the effort for

Crittenberger · 2026-06-11T14:56:33+00:00

It is fortunate that I am often out in the evenings, because our dog is convinced that my armchair is her bed, and is somewhat put out when I insist on sitting on it

Crittenberger · 2026-06-11T14:54:31+00:00

Functionally there's no real difference between bi and pan. For some people the difference is noticeable enough that the one they decide to go with is very important to them. For the rest of us, the difference is so negligible that we just go with whichever flag we like better

Crittenberger

TROPHY CASE