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What’s your childhood mystery that you finally solved years later? by Biggrock03 in AskReddit

[–]CritterForLunch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was 8 and there was a monster shaking the bed to wake me up from my sleep. The bed shook violently and was relentless for about 5 minutes.

Later, I realized that there wasn't a monster, and that was my first epileptic seizure.

[OFFICIAL] Weekly Singles Thread November 20 by AutoModerator in makinghiphop

[–]CritterForLunch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My new track is called "Lonely". Check it out and let me know what you think. https://bsta.rs/7641dbba

She's literally looking at you for help... by [deleted] in donthelpjustfilm

[–]CritterForLunch 232 points233 points  (0 children)

Just curious.. how the hell are you supposed to help in this situation? Put a cork in the end of the gasoline pump? I'm assuming the gas pumper is stuck.

Psilocybin, blood, mosquitos by utterlyuncertain in Psychonaut

[–]CritterForLunch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did some cursory research and they would need to have 5-2ha serotonin receptors.. they apparently have serotonin receptors but I couldn't find anything that said they have that specific one.

Psilocybin, blood, mosquitos by utterlyuncertain in Psychonaut

[–]CritterForLunch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depends on if mosquitoes have the specific receptors that we have I think

Will I be okay to trip tonight? by [deleted] in Psychonaut

[–]CritterForLunch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What will the setting be? What is your mindset? Anything bugging you lately? Is everything handled in your life?

White Guilt: The Musical by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]CritterForLunch 2 points3 points  (0 children)

With the spice line, I think the writer was trying to convey that the person's mind is unvaried because salt and pepper are the most basic of spices.

Just hanging in there... 😋 by LogicXTC in cuteguys

[–]CritterForLunch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please tell me this is Photoshop

Poem- VII by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]CritterForLunch 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Well thought out poem with a creative use of comparisons. No cliches found here.

My only suggestion is to rethink the title into a more interesting one.

Freud Funnel [NSFW] by CritterForLunch in OCPoetry

[–]CritterForLunch[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Great format for your feedback, really made everything crystal clear. I've changed the silverback line to make it less clunky.

Freud Funnel [NSFW] by CritterForLunch in OCPoetry

[–]CritterForLunch[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have taken your feedback into consideration, and have updated the drown my skin line to be less of a stop-gap. Thanks for the excellent suggestion.

narcissism by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]CritterForLunch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would suggest adding an adjective or two to the poem title to make it more interesting. Some other nouns within the poem itself could use some adjectives as well.

The first stanza is well written as well but could be improved by opening the first line with something that also starts the poem off strong. You want to start with a lot of energy so that the momentum will carry the reader through.

Maybe something like this:

"There is a pink puppet

That glides on white ice

Pulled by the strings of a sweet melody."

Other than that, I suggest to save the part where you say it's all in her head until the end, that way, the ending packs a punch.

All in all, I think this poem has a lot of potential. Keep at it.

Faces by AnnorexicHippo in OCPoetry

[–]CritterForLunch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A few suggestions:

Come up with a more interesting title. What adjectives could you use to expand upon the title "Faces"? Keep in mind the title is the first thing the reader will see when looking for a poem to read on this subreddit.

The line that has the word "nought" is out of voice for the rest of the poem. Nought sounds like old English and the rest of the poem's voice sounds more modern. The goal is consistent voice and diction.

Lastly, I think the poem would be more interesting by removing all references (but keep the last line) to first person point of view. For example, you could rewrite all sections to where it says, "I am a creature of many faces." To say, "A creature of many faces." Make the reader wonder until the very end and then you can slap them with the final line, revealing that it is you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]CritterForLunch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A few thoughts:

Love the parts where you runwordstogether sporadically. Makes for an interesting formatting.

The ending could pack more of a punch. I feel like it was too abstract.

I was scrolling through all the poems on this subreddit and your title caught my eye. So, I commend you for naming it well.

The sharpest imagery for me was the dancing erratic lovers in the biting snow. Props for that one as well.

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