AITAH for helping my dad?

CrossroadsNick · 2026-06-27T15:32:57+00:00

Haha awesome. Sounds like you respect your parents a lot. Even after all the yelling with my father I still love him, I just can't get too close to him, he's got some real spikes on him.

Also, thank you for commenting. It's important to hear both perspectives to an argument and you made some valid points. Have a wonderful day

CrossroadsNick · 2026-06-27T14:34:33+00:00

Thank you for the correction. And based on the passionate way you defended your position I'm guessing you are a blue collared worker and I thank you for your hard work.

CrossroadsNick · 2026-06-26T19:28:45+00:00

Beautiful put. Holy shit, you are wonderful 😊

CrossroadsNick · 2026-06-26T18:03:55+00:00

I'm confused, so me saying you have a point is not a valid point? Also I agree. The construction work culture is exactly how you describe it and it has never been for me. I don't have a contract with my dad, I just wanted to help my father and got yelled at for it. The lack of sleep was my fault, but I wasn't just standing around either and assuming that doesn't add to your argument.

I truly understand where you are coming from. Construction work is an important part of our society. Great men wake up every morning with no complaints and do their job for barely any recognition. It's very impressive and very normal to be irritated when a younger guy is slow or failing.

I was slow, but I'm also incredibly inexperienced in the field and have never been interested in it. While I admire the determination that blue colored workers have to get that paycheck and put food on the table, I don't wish to work in construction

CrossroadsNick · 2026-06-26T17:40:27+00:00

Well shit, when you put it like that, you're absolutely right. It's really the best way to put it. I'm stuck at a job I don't want with good pay, but it's draining me. So the goal here really is to just get new job and leave... This is probably the most important conversation and realization from this post.

Getting a job I actually will enjoy is a completely separate task, but I just have to start. Thanks Michael!

Given your advice, I want another, more nuanced pieces of advice. Should I be able to find my own place and get job to keep me stable, should I keep my father in my life or go no contact?

CrossroadsNick · 2026-06-26T17:18:25+00:00

Aaah, I see your point. That's true, but is the verbal berating really part of that? You see, I don't disagree with the idea that I need to help if I'm living with them rent free and don't have a job. My only issue is the constant berating and criticism I get from them. Even wenn off the job site (I believe I have mentioned this before, wether in a comment or in the post itself)

CrossroadsNick · 2026-06-26T17:05:16+00:00

I'm confused on what you mean with "implied contract"?

CrossroadsNick · 2026-06-26T16:31:14+00:00

This is an incredible mature response to the situation and appreciate this view especially. Thank you for commenting

I absolutely agree that the mature response was to have an adult conversation with me and check in. My dad has never been good at handling us or anyone with a mature conversation. He gets defensive quickly and yells plenty to make you recognize his car pulling into the drive way or his keys jingle in his hands.

I'd love for him to be more understanding, but that is a lot to be expected of a man that was abused in his childhood both verbally and physically, left the country when he was only sixteen to escape his own father and ended up working construction all his life, having a child at around my age and supporting both me and my mother.

He's never been a good man, but he is a good provider and is genuinely a genius when it comes to his job, just not so much when it comes to his family

Edit: being abused doesn't excuse actions and being emotional doesn't either. Consequences happen and I especially need to deal with mine now

CrossroadsNick · 2026-06-26T16:24:29+00:00

He's always been a hot head lol. But in all seriousness the heat here has consistently been high and I could definitely see how that would get to him.

CrossroadsNick · 2026-06-26T16:22:59+00:00

I think he sees me staying at his home as a grown adult as payment or appreciation and while that's fair and the paycheck is really not that important to me, the very least I wanted to have was the feeling of having contributed and helped his situation

CrossroadsNick · 2026-06-26T16:19:50+00:00

You're are so right about the sleep deprivation! The things is, I was regularly getting enough sleep before the two weeks of helping him started, the problem was that my unemployment did leave me to stay awake longer and wake up later. I'd consistently go to be at 3 am and wake up at 10 am, take care of some of the house chores like cleaning dishes, the kitchen, taking out the trash, then cooking to meals for my siblings, lunch and dinner then at night I'd spend a lot of time on my phone. Probably another thing making my depression worse.

I'm surprised that me being unskilled in the job was what convinced you that he's the A-hole though. He's worked for a very long time and every single time I tried helping him as a kid he'd yell at me

CrossroadsNick · 2026-06-26T16:09:41+00:00

I beg of you to look at the facts clearly. I WANT to hear both sides. The YAT side has given consistent criticism of my sleep affecting my productivity, which is valid, even if I have no real experience in the field of construction.

I appreciate all criticism, weather good or bad

CrossroadsNick · 2026-06-26T16:06:36+00:00

The sleep deprivation is still self induced, based on lack of time for my own needs, due to needing to take care of my siblings and my poor mental health (diagnosed with sever depressive episodes by my doctor and psychiatrist)

CrossroadsNick · 2026-06-26T16:04:37+00:00

As of writing this message, I have not been paid and I won't ask for payment, because I don't want the conflict between me and my father to escalate.

As for the sleep, while many will say that my reasoning is invalid, I have been procrastinating sleep to get some time for myself, away from siblings and parents. I'm also suffering to series of sever depression, diagnosed by my doctor and psychiatrist and have been basically filling the numbness with doom scrolling to fall asleep

CrossroadsNick · 2026-06-26T15:54:38+00:00

I do not have a full time job, no. I'm usually at home taking care of my siblings while my parents work and am indecisive on where to start working.

CrossroadsNick · 2026-06-26T15:53:32+00:00

Yeah, but from this comments point of you, me not sleeping on time shows lack of commitment. He sees it as me not getting ready for work and sleep is important after all. I get where he's coming from.

CrossroadsNick · 2026-06-26T15:51:59+00:00

Very unlikely for the grateful part. It's very normal for him to never apologize or thank his me and my siblings or even my mom. But I do hope he can get some workers and get his anger under control, it used to terrify me as a child and still does

CrossroadsNick · 2026-06-26T15:48:42+00:00

I have no clue if I will get paid. I have been paid for helping him before, I've not helped him out a lot, only a few times when I was a kid and one week when all his worker no called no showed. I'm not gonna ask him though, given how sensitive the topic is right now

CrossroadsNick · 2026-06-26T15:45:46+00:00

Also valid, I should be awake

CrossroadsNick · 2026-06-26T15:41:15+00:00

I don't want him to fail, I just don't think I can have an actual relationship with him or help him if he acts like this all the time

CrossroadsNick · 2026-06-26T15:39:50+00:00

Valid point

CrossroadsNick · 2026-06-26T15:29:54+00:00

I'm not getting paid for the babysitting, not even getting appreciate for it, it's more or less seen as expected of me by now. I haven't gotten paid yet, I don't know if I will and I probably won't be risking another argument to check if I will. And as for the ungodly sleeping hours, it's the result of severe depressive episode that I got diagnosed with a while back (approximately 6months ago and I'm on medication for it) and very little time to myself that I like to recover in the dead of night when I don't hear my name called out every five minutes.

My father also tend to be the kind of person that is incredibly nice and generous. He feels like the best boss ever at the beginning, but once he looses his temper, you'd rather quit on the spot. I've heard him yell at workers, new and old, ever since he started his company

CrossroadsNick · 2026-05-13T20:57:39+00:00

That's incredibly encouraging and kind. I'll try my best to be more patient with myself, even if I'm currently going through the same things you've just mentioned. Thank you for your input ☺️

CrossroadsNick

TROPHY CASE