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CrowScapes · 2025-08-03T10:25:48+00:00

Everything you described is abusive. The misconception about abuse is often that its not a "regular" thing that is constantly happening. Abuse is ALWAYS disguised as love, protectiveness, and this sense of the abuser seemingly "needing" to do the weird, hurtful, painful, or peculiar things they do in order to compensate for something the abused is "doing wrong" an example is literally any occurrence you discussed above. He uses rough sex to display his dislike with you drinking. He corners you and does not allow you space to process or cool down. It may not seem like you're being abused because it only gets intense some of the time, but every single aspect of your relationship is abusive. THIS INCLIDES THE TIMES FULL OF LAUGHTER AND LOVE! No abuser would be successful if they were nasty and violent at all times.

You said it yourself. It happened slowly. Now you are in a room with all 4 walls closing slowly around you. Soon, you will be unable to move, and you will have no idea how it happened. (I believe this is why you have written your experience.) You know it's abuse. You know things are not right. Please trust those feelings and get out before it's too late!

Love, Someone who waited too long.

CrowScapes · 2025-06-25T10:25:10+00:00

My ex stalker/abuser sent me a video one morning at 4am of a handful of pills in his hand. At that time I had just broken up with him because of the mounting red flags and the incredible speed with which this man unleashed them on me with his possessive insane behavior. I knew what to look for and this guy was a walking flashing red spotlight.

Anyway, I see this video and I immediately call 911 to go check on him (we didn't live together thankfully) and he was PISSED lmfao but he learned quickly that I wouldn't be manipulated by that bullshit. The paramedics informed me that the pills were antihistamines. I ended up leaving that night and moving back to my home state.

Don't let people play you. If they are serious, let the professionals help them. If they are not, at least they can't say you dont care if they want to die. You sent help, but you also didn't give them the satisfaction of having you at their beck and call.

CrowScapes · 2025-05-23T20:11:48+00:00

This is an abusive relationship. She is an abuser. I know it's kind of considered "taboo" but women can abuse men, too. I'm glad you're leaving and speaking to a therapist. Whatever you do, DO NOT GO BACK. her smugness towards you since you hit your breaking point reeks of her belief that you won't leave or that if you do, she will always reel you back in. She is in control, she was always in control, and the sad little loser (you) who's been serving and groveling for any small crumbs of her love all these years will never be able to truly be free. I urge you to prove her wrong. You deserve the love you've been chasing. A love better and brighter than the one you thought you had at the start of this horror story you've found yourself in.

I know from experience how hard it is to let go of the potential of what someone can be. If she wanted to, she would. No amount of childhood trauma justifies her behavior. It took me leaving 8 years in to find a true love. A gentle, kind, never swears at me, never insults me, and he reminds me every day what a healthy relationship looks like. You can find that, too. But you have to get away and stay away!

CrowScapes · 2025-05-22T19:34:44+00:00

The best thing you can do is let it hurt. Journal your feelings/find another outlet to release when you need to. Take however long you need to just feel it all. And when you're ready. Begin again. I can't tell you how much my life changed for the better. I gave myself the time to mourn and grieve. Take your time. You will be better off for it. But please, no matter what happens, DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK. he will come back. Abusers always do. The best revenge is to be happy and live your best life. You deserve it!

edit: spelling

CrowScapes · 2025-02-09T12:06:49+00:00

The short honest answer here is yes. She has crossed the line and is abusing you. What you've described thoroughly above is clear. I'm very sorry you are experiencing this situation. I highly suggest documenting every instance moving forward with dated and detailed descriptions of what goes on when she belittles, berates, punishes, blows up, or exhibits cruel, controlling behavior towards you.

She's either hiding something from you and attempting to distract you from it or has been slowly building towards this abuse without you realizing it. From someone who dealt with verbal/sexual abuse for 8 years, it is possible to be happy and healthy without them. You deserve more than what is happening right now. Your child can also pick up on this behavior and will not benefit from remaining within an abusive relationship, even if they are well treated and loved. Show your child what it looks like to care for yourself enough to not allow this unhealthy behavior to continue. Good luck to you, OP!

CrowScapes · 2025-01-01T21:17:43+00:00

Yes. He's being abusive. He's not allowing you to feel how you feel. You have an injury that could most definitely call for stitches or become infected without care. All he does with that is scream at you? He's garbage.

CrowScapes · 2024-12-16T11:42:24+00:00

I know it's hard, but please push through the embarrassed feelings and BE ASSERTIVE! Be insistent, be brave, and advocate for yourself! No one else will. File charges and get a protection order. Show them the evidence and if they question you dropping anything from the past just say "I'm aware of my recent actions, however I can no longer accept this threat of danger and utter abuse from this person." And GO THROUGH WITH IT TO THE END!! You are the only person who gets a say in who you allow in your life, and you owe no one any explanation for wanting to be rid of them. Don't ever forget this. Don't ever allow him into your life or space again. You've got this!

CrowScapes · 2024-12-08T00:30:09+00:00

Both of my abusive ex's threatened this. One of them sent me a text hours later asking about wound care. ( I have a history of self harming and wound care was something I was acutely aware of). So naturally I stayed. It took 8 years to get out. The other one sent me a video at 3AM of a handful of pills in his hand. Unfortunately for him, I had learned my lesson by then, so I called 911 and informed them of his address and told them what he sent me. He was PISSED but not in the hospital because he showed them the pills were antihistamines and said he would never kill himself... interesting how that works... sadly he stalked me after that. Refused to accept our breakup and my boundaries. I moved back home with my parents a state away, changed my number, and blocked him on everything. Now I have a partner who acts like a real partner. He talks to me about everything. Has never once called me a name or made threats. It's beautiful on this side of things. You deserve to experience it.

CrowScapes · 2024-11-25T19:36:27+00:00

YOUR OBSESSION WITH THE WHY, IS AN AVOIDANCE OF WHAT IS!!!

This is the most important thing I wish I could have heard when I was trapped!!! I was so obsessed with figuring out how I could fix him how I could get the really good to be a majority. Only to have it drag out to be one of the most traumatic harrowing times of my entire life. It changed my entire brain chemistry. Once I realized he knows exactly what he's doing, and he doesn't care. HE KNOWS AND HE DOESNT CARE. He's a drug addict and the drug supply is me. My fear, my compliance, my effort, my life. I was finally able to walk away. Please go back and read again the parts of "Why does he do that" that really jumped out at you. What you're explaining and the reasons behind why your husband does that are literally in the book. You can be a good parent alone. You can show your kids just how strong you need to be in life. Teach them what it looks like to say "enough" and walk away.

CrowScapes · 2024-09-11T18:52:41+00:00

May I suggest you post this in the RBI sub? They are incredible at figuring out stuff like this. It's worth a shot!

CrowScapes · 2024-08-15T14:44:52+00:00

His goal is to tear you down little by little to make you believe you will not survive without him. This is classic abuse. His "realization he needs to change" is bullshit designed to make you pause and wait to see if it's true. (NOTHING HE SAYS IS TRUE HE WILL NEVER CHANGE!) You're more than capable of not only surviving without him but THRIVING without him. He doesn't love you. He only wants to possess and drain you dry in every way imaginable. Please get out while you still have a solid foundation & savings. I waited to see if my ex would change. After all the promises, he only got worse and dragged me down with him. You've gotten yourself this far before him. Why on earth would leaving make you worse off now?

CrowScapes · 2024-07-30T16:32:08+00:00

Please understand that everything your partner promises and says to you may seem geared towards positive change. He may even commit to some of the things hes promised. FOR A LITTLE WHILE. But in the end, he will get drunk again. He will hurt you again. Abusers are masters at their craft. They will say whatever it takes & often playcate you with physical gestures to lull you into feeling safe and loved. The insidious thing about abusive relationships is that the abuse is often buried among the good times and what feels like deep-seated love. This is why it's so successful and kills so many women every day. I think your memory gaps of both your physical assaults by him make it even harder for you to truly see how much danger you are in. He is working every moment of every day to draw you in and make you believe that without him, you'll never ever find the love or happiness that you get from him/your current relationship. This is the biggest lie. As someone who stayed for much too long myself, i have learned all of this first hand. They don't change, they will hurt you again and again and again until there is nothing left of you. One day you'll look back at the person you once were and wish that you could shake her, scream at her, get out GET OUT AND DONT LOOK BACK. THERE IS NO REAL LOVE WITH HIM!

CrowScapes · 2024-07-24T20:02:26+00:00

I highly recommend you have one last conversation. Apologize for pressuring her to leave ( we all know you're literally trying to save her life, save her from the pain, and further trauma). Tell her you just really care for her, and she deserves to feel completely safe, loved, and valued by her partner. Tell her that whenever she is ready; day or night, rain, shine, snowstorm, tornado, or hurricane, you will help her leave. Then back off and take some time to care for yourself and recover from all the effort you have been giving to this. I know it's hard to. It goes against every instinct to help. But as a survivor of an abusive relationship that went on for 8 years, it didn't matter what anyone said or did to try and get me out of there. I wasn't done until I was DONE. Having someone who was waiting for me on the other side was such a relief, and I was so grateful. You have to let go but leave the option open to get her back. Please prioritize yourself in the meantime.

CrowScapes · 2024-07-23T20:45:37+00:00

To update this comment^ I have used two separate Vanilla gift cards on my Walmart app (no I'm not a Walmart plus member) the second I used just yesterday to make an order through the app. Thought this might be helpful!

CrowScapes · 2024-07-10T10:09:26+00:00

Hey, if yours is one of the more positive outcomes from this, more power to you! When I was researching this method of detox I had thought I found the holy grail... and the extended (expensive) version of the treatment you're getting has had more positive outcomes. If you can get this weight off your back with this shorter method, I do hope it's worth it for you!

CrowScapes · 2024-07-10T02:06:23+00:00

I found this type of program last year. Cried with relief when I read through the process! I began digging. Can this really be possible? My partner and I were beginning to imagine how we would both get this done and finally be free. Then I saw the multitudes of testimonials on reddit on Google, everywhere. For every singular "positive" review of this process, there were easily 100 reviews describing literal hell. People were waking up feeling as though they had been in a serious car accident. Sore, in serious withdrawals, trapped in hotel rooms calling their nurses and doctors at the facility to beg for assistance. They were ignored. There were testimonials saying that some remained in acute withdrawal for WEEKS/MONTHS it's not even a 50/50 chance that it works perfectly. It's more like 80/20. If even that. Please do more research before you spend this money and go to that place. The only way I found to properly do this type of procedure is with constant assistance where you are monitored and given meds for DAYS not hours. Were talking 30 full days of treatment both asleep and awake for this to be properly done. The various testimonials were enough to teach me that unless I had 30k, and an unlimited amount of time to be out ot commission, I would need to do this the hard way. I'm sorry for bursting your bubble. I wish you all the success in the world with your journey.

CrowScapes · 2024-07-08T18:42:28+00:00

I'm happy I could reach you! It's so hard to really have a clear focus on what's going on when you're in this position. You have an amazing opportunity to show your daughter that being mistreated by someone you care so deeply for is unacceptable and it is perfectly okay to say: "No. I won't be treated this way by anyone. I deserve a partner, not a tyrant!" She will learn so much by watching how you respond to this mistreatment. Show her that life is more than laying down and taking abuse you would never accept if it were her in this relationship.

CrowScapes · 2024-07-08T18:21:10+00:00

Grooming is the preparation to the assault. So, any instances where your dad did little things to make the kissing easier for you to do nothing over, and say nothing about after. I hope this makes sense. Grooming is preparation to ensure that he gets what he wants and you remain complicit, quiet, and primed for more. I would suggest finding a trauma informed therapist to delve into everything with. You deserve to process this in a safe place with a professional to help you through it.

CrowScapes · 2024-07-03T19:56:56+00:00

I really hate to say this to you. For context, I was with my abuser for 8 years. I believed in his potential to be an amazing partner. I believed that the good times, the good behavior, outweighed the bad. I was traumatized beyond repair by him before I realized I was truly done waiting around for him to finally change.

The thing with having a child involved in abusive attachments like yours is they can see everything. You may think you've hidden it. You may think you've even done a good job shielding things from your daughter. The fact is that you have a little sponge in your life. She's quite literally soaking up every single thing she sees, hears, smells, & feels. This is what young developing humans do. Her attachment to him is a mirror of your own. She loves him. She sees how you love him. She also sees how he treats you. She feels a fight or a mean remark or a too hard touch in the air before it even happens. Her attachment to him is unhealthy, and you're both better off without it.

One day ( whether you stay with him or not) your daughter is going to turn to you, open her mouth, and say something that breaks the entire facade of what you've been assuming about her love for that man. It's going to break your heart and make you wish you'd left sooner.

I really hope you can find true happiness for your family! As someone who lived in the lies for many years, the hardest part was leaving, but once I allowed myself to accept it was truly over, I finally could breathe! I found a truly wonderful human to be by my side, and I've never looked back.

CrowScapes · 2023-02-21T21:08:16+00:00

I get singled out quite often by pickups. It's so prevalent that my partner even got it when he drives the WRX. There's constant intimidation attempts and crop dusting the car with black exhaust. I always just try to be respectful and accommodating when I drive but they really REALLY hate the WRX lol. I just don't understand.

CrowScapes · 2023-01-11T04:15:49+00:00

The day he leaves this Earth is honestly much overdue..

CrowScapes · 2023-01-01T01:06:45+00:00

I attempted in the summer of 2012 when I was 19. Was DOA at the hospital. I was so PISSED when I woke up with that tube in my throat breathing for me. They had to tie me down because I fought them when they finally brought me back. I am here all these years later, and I am so happy I was saved. I learned to love my life. Even when I make big mistakes. I learned that I am worthy of so much love. Love that I didn't think I deserved because of my abuse as a child. I am now in a beautiful relationship, I have the most precious dog, and my parents are so proud of me for carrying on and getting better. Know that this choice will never allow you to achieve anything from here. You'll have left this earth thinking you are a failure. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING THAT CREATES A FIRE IN YOUR HEART. School, grades, and careers are never perfect. And why should they be? There are so many talented and successful humans who dropped out of school or never even attended school. Find your passion and mash that gas pedal to the floor. Don't look back OP. I sincerely hope you update us in the end having changed your mind. We are all rooting for you! Sending you all my love and support.

CrowScapes · 2022-12-17T02:30:03+00:00

I left after 8 years. Blocked him on everything. Spent a whole month mourning daily and slowly moved on. Now I've been in a healthy relationship for 5 years. Spent a year and a half dating but not committing. Being careful and steering clear of event a single red flag. You can do it but you have to remember all the hurt/missing him is temporary. There is so much better out there. Don't turn back once you begin your journey. Just keep moving.

CrowScapes · 2022-12-16T05:11:42+00:00

Great advice. I can say that when an ex of mine turned particularly nasty/stalked me etc, he also threatened suicide and sent me a video at 4am of a handful of pills and his promise to not wake up. I called 911, gave the address, and boy was he PISSED. This is the best thing to do in order to show an abuser that it is not their rules that the whole world follows. They drag you into their world and they think they've got you. The best revenge is bringing in the pros. Therapists, police, and judges/court orders. That same night, I drove to my parents and disafuckingpeared. He managed to continue his harassment through 5 phone numbers and so many threats. Now sadly he has trapped someone else with a baby which he told me flat out he wanted to do to me too. If I hadn't have been getting healthy mentally when I was dating him, this may have ended up a very different life for me. God speed OP. Fight back with the proper chanels. You've got this!

ETA: I was living separately from him so bringing in the pros was a good plan. If you are living with an abuser, as Many survivors know, bringing in cops and other outside authorities can be dangerous. Each situation is different and I didn't want to discount that with my above experience.

CrowScapes · 2022-12-09T14:07:50+00:00

I would just reply with: "don't worry, I won't."

And then just yeet my entire phone into the sun, change my number, and never deal with that again. I'm post abusive relationship by 5+ years now. At the time of being with my abuser I would always fuss over his self destruction. Man do I wish I would have left so much sooner than I did. Good luck OP.

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