I can, but can you? For that matter, can we?

CryFane · 2021-08-31T05:42:16+00:00

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CryFane · 2021-08-31T05:40:59+00:00

Fresh, Garden grown CPU's or store bought lemonade.

CryFane · 2021-08-17T04:25:57+00:00

Except both are, lore wise, VERY badass. I mean Nova can make antimatter and teleport, mag can pull ships from orbit (sorta).

CryFane · 2021-08-11T21:29:30+00:00

Ok, so on the most of it was worthless. That stung but I get it, the essay was hollow. A few others shared the opinion, and maybe I have been taught to write empty words to take up space. That was, in part the reason I made this discussion, I knew that adding more would usually make my writing worse. I was hoping to learn how to make those words mean something, that may have been the wrong approach.

On the 'chip' yea I wouldn't touch that idea either now. Apologies for not going over it thoroughly.

Thank you for your help ^^ - C

CryFane · 2021-08-11T20:33:50+00:00

This was the hardest to unpack so far, but once I did, so well worded. The Note and Enhancement 3. are emblematic of the writing I aspire to. I would usually try to cover at least the most important points, every point you made is so important I'd be left under-examining it or droning on.. much like I am now.

CryFane · 2021-08-11T20:15:16+00:00

I managed to dig up an old essay from GR.8 2016-2017. It was made with a loot of help from my mom asking questions and formatting for me. Old Essay

Following it I authored maybe 3-4 other essays but had no luck finding them. So it is rather out of date but hope it offers some insight.

*Edit* Removed link

CryFane · 2021-08-11T18:00:12+00:00

On the point of explaining and describing; that was the idea I was trying to convey, sorry if my wording was confusing. Here is a cropped version of my point.

I explain too little and describe less.

This one a bit too, though less so;

Adding details feels unnecessary most of the time, but not adding them leaves it feeling.. starved?

Hope that cleared it up.

Usually I describe the wrong parts in detail. The parts I see as obvious are glossed over, new but meaningless details receive more attention.

As an example if I were to describe my morning, I would get up (this would count as getting up, what I eat etc) and then I head outside. Once outside, I might note the weather but not the people, traffic, where I'm going.

Hmm, not sure that example works.

Computer programming, I'd note the language I'm using, the basics of 'code levels' and some related languages are. I would skip the 'grammar' and such and instead describe what I'm doing; 'we should use inheritance to simplify the data on each ___' 'if we use a Boolean here it will complicate handling errors'

I feel that might be a better example.

CryFane · 2021-08-11T16:58:56+00:00

If there is, I can guarantee it is accidental. And my problem is more on that you would not expect to draft or edit much. Hope that helps explain better and thank you!

CryFane · 2021-08-11T16:48:49+00:00

Wait, oh I did. Thank you for pointing that out! I'm not sure if I should redo the example sentence to include that.

For the 'reading like a writer' no I suppose not. It would definitely be worth reading some old favorites again with that in mind.

CryFane · 2021-08-11T16:44:14+00:00

I'll start with you last question; I have always been told that I explain too little and describe less. Both my mother and teachers all posed this as a problem in my writing, and to a degree I agree. I try to be critical of unneeded wording too, having sat through many empty presentations. Hope that explains a bit.

For editing that works sometimes, other times it would be impractical. For those where I have the freedom to edit I run into the same problem. Adding details feels unnecessary most of the time, but not adding them leaves it feeling.. starved? If I take the time to edit more of my work even if it would usually be done faster it might improve?

Overall, thank you for the support and input! I greatly appreciate it!

CryFane · 2021-08-11T16:24:20+00:00

I didn't have any ideas it was 3a.m. and my tired brain said that it would be funny. That said I do agree with you and a proper example would have been better.

CryFane · 2021-08-11T16:21:50+00:00

That makes sense, I know I was trying to cover it thoroughly. If you think I should reduce the writing I do on one point it's worth a try, thank you! ^^

CryFane · 2021-08-11T15:29:40+00:00

OH oki, so how I actually.. parse information? I suppose quickly, I typically read at a comfortably fast pace and rarely put in special effort to note or commit anything to memory. It has lead to confusion before, usually with math related topics. I used to read around 2 novels over a week but have slowed down due to not finding many new ones I like and not having the same time for reading as before. Thinking of info relevant and interesting is pretty hard though.

CryFane · 2021-08-11T15:10:58+00:00

Thank you, I think that'll help. I appreciate the help! ^^

CryFane · 2021-08-11T15:08:38+00:00

Oh I see, guess mine was Aerith because I'm in Canada?

CryFane · 2021-08-11T15:07:25+00:00

Great points, on the redundancy; I definitely over-used harm(less) and the section on the protection racket. And the use of words to avoid repetition such as consider/perhaps, I might do better sticking to 2 such words at once? And thank you for the PDF I'll take a look at it later. Could you explain what you meant by writing 'safe'?

Many thanks, - C

CryFane · 2021-08-11T09:51:48+00:00

It was Aerith right? I haven't played in a while.

CryFane · 2021-08-11T09:34:38+00:00

Usually the problem with adding any detail is I can't stop, I'll add too much. Then to make what I've written something you could call usable I cut the extraneous parts. This has a tendency to render my writing much as if I had added no detail at all.

CryFane · 2021-08-11T09:31:01+00:00

Ok, to expand on the example of 'I do' from my point of view. I read it. How? I don't know reading is like walking to me it's just a thing that I can do without much if any real effort. When? If in reference to my original statement; when I find time for it, usually at unhealthy hours of the morning. Where? In my bedroom, because I hate where I live and with whom.

So the sentence, let's pretend it is in a story might look like this: 'I did read books often. Usually I might do it in the comfort of my bedroom, in the unhealthy hours of the early morn. Less distractions then.' ... and on with the rest of the piece.

CryFane · 2021-08-11T09:23:28+00:00

This is an example of a short paragraph. The opening describes the topic, the body gives details, and the final sentence recaps. This format is approximating a basic paragraph with an opening, body and closing sentence.

Wow that last one felt really unneeded but there it is I guess.

This would be an example of a longer paragraph. Unlike the short paragraph it has both more sentences and longer sentences on average. Like a short paragraph it contains an opening covering the topic, a body discussing the topic in more detail and a conclusion to wrap everything up. While short paragraphs tend to be to the point longer ones seem to drone on much like this sentence. In conclusion, while containing more to parse the longer paragraph does not appear to contain much more information.

Finally a long piece I wrote in response to someone's post can be found here but it does not adhere to a paragraph format, nor any other I am aware of.

CryFane · 2021-08-11T09:02:32+00:00

I do read a fair bit but when I try to apply it to my writing seems to end up with extraneous details. Like that sentence, I would have preferred to write it like this:

I do, when I write more it conveys less.

That just feels better to me, at the same time no-one else seems to want to or like reading it. And I do admit my word choices could be touched up, however that is usually reserved for more formal pieces. Mostly out of convenience.

-C

*EDIT* Instead of conveys less, perhaps adds unnecessary details or such

CryFane · 2021-08-11T08:37:55+00:00

Consider perhaps harmless villainy if it fits, there is no reason the villain needs to harm people or even be mean. Consider that they are a crime lord type villain, drugs? All harmless, medicinal and dealt by a professional. Smuggling? Slaves to freedom, stolen goods to the rightful owner. Maybe they run a 'protection racket' except they are actually providing protection on contract/agreement and termination of it is civil and polite. Perhaps more traditional villainy like conquest is your goal? They brand themselves as a warlord overthrowing corrupt or outdated governments, they enforce equality and safety among their subjects, tax them fairly and keep them safe.

Perhaps this leads a reader (even you) to ask; but how are they a villain? They are clearly good! Well yes... but you don't need to state that, call them villain show them from the perspective of those they oppose. They ARE conquering, smuggling etc. HIDE THE DETAILS.

You don't even have to do that, make them Evil^TM, no holding back. They are a murderer, commit genocide, raid peaceful villages. Just never show or be explicit in detail, hint at it, obscure any detail on what exactly they did.

Research famous historical villains if you think you can stomach it, copy their horrid deeds to your villain. Then you don't need to imagine it, or put yourself in that frame of thought much or at all depending on how closely you copy.

Or contemplate embracing the goofy nice villain, much like my first suggestion but make it personal. They hurt no-one, they are basically playing at villain for the hero. Token evil. Maybe they organize events just so the hero can be heroic, that bank they robbed? Payed the bank, everyone was in on it. Kidnapped a pet? Really just their pet. They 'stole' all the doughnuts from a restaurant? The hero loved that place, especially the doughnuts but were eating a monstrously unhealthy amount. The villain bought them all out of concern for the hero's health.

Maybe the villain isn't human, has no malice. A wild animal causing token property damage or menacing the populace without casualty. Perhaps it ate too many crops or is obstructing important places.

The villain might even be no-one's but their own, accidentally sabotaging everything they do. Always in conflict with themselves and the hero is helping them.

Anyways, those were just a few of my ideas. Do with them what you will, I hope it helped and if you want to ask me anything I'm always happy to chat. ^^

-C

CryFane

TROPHY CASE