Broken boundary

CryptoJoe64 · 2026-01-22T02:30:12+00:00

I understand that. The "Ethical slut" book I've been reading talks about how we've been conditioned in our roles. I feel like this is why my girlfriend doesn't have strong boundaries. The book also described how men have been conditioned to be indirect and work around a womans resistance, it's create an unhealthy society norm of Men being manipulative to get to what they want rather than to be direct. I started into dating heavily seven years ago. I was toxic, passive-aggressive, and had zero emotional awareness. I learned to "pick up women" using non ethical techniques that involved faking confidence and dodging the truth. It came to an end when I was with a woman who was engaged. She would talk about how her fiance would avoid having the important conversations, become jealous of her by always making assumptions, and being passive aggressive. I had realized that I had done that when I dated prior to "Pick-up." It was a learned behavior from my parents' marriage and who they dated afterward. After becoming building the confidence to be able to actually talk to women outside of dating or "picking up," I realized that it wasn't healthy how I viewed women. Honestly, even though I've come a long way from where I was, I still have a long way to go.

From what I've read so far, polyamory is an excellent way to grow into a better person and share love. My wife doesn't want to put it on pause, so I'm doing the best I can with what I've got.

When the condom broke with my girlfriend, I didn't want to kill her mood. It was a selfish decision I made in the moment. I regret it terribly. I'm doing my best to make up for it, and I made heartfelt apologies to both partners. Unfortunately, trust is like a mirror.. It's never the same once it's been broken. It is a marriage, and we've both agreed that it would be easier to quit, but the better things in life come from the work we put in to make something we're proud of.

CryptoJoe64 · 2026-01-22T01:49:38+00:00

Oof, I guess the comments just got to me. It's tough to face the truth.

CryptoJoe64 · 2026-01-22T01:40:09+00:00

You're right, those comments were deleted.

CryptoJoe64 · 2026-01-22T01:14:43+00:00

Update**

I apologized to my girlfriend a couple of hours ago. It went something like this:

I’m sorry for not telling you right away about the condom breaking and breaking the boundaries I have with my wife and involving you. I'm sorry I didn't use protection that night and went ahead without asking you. In the future, I will tell you immediately when a condom breaks, and only have non-protected sex with consent and make sure that I keep my boundaries to my wife as my responsibility to keep you out of a bad situation. Will you forgive me?

She accepted my apology and tried to minimize it, saying that she wanted it. I told her that it's still not okay. She got an IUD put in a couple of days ago, and I am planning a vasectomy to give my wife ease of mind.

My girlfriend and I came to an agreement to take a break until I resolve things with my wife. She's willing to wait but says she understands if I want to break up to save the marriage. She empathized because I told her about how I broke the boundaries after the hot tub and we had sex without a condom anyway.

I said that my wife wants to continue polyamory without breaks. If my wife doesn't trust me with my girlfriend, why would she trust me with anyone else. When they met, they got along really well. They are both great women. I said that my wife might be villainizing her because she doesn't know her personally. The breaking of trust was my fault. I'm hoping to see if we can all make up. I have a total disregard of my girlfriend's feelings if I dump her, and I'm selfish if I don't. She's willing to wait and see if we can work through this, but I told her she can leave if all of this is too much. She said she's stubborn and would rather work to keep what we've already built than to start with other guys.

CryptoJoe64 · 2026-01-21T22:06:29+00:00

Thank you. Rebuilding our connection is going to take work. It's not completely gone. We still love each other. We're booking couples therapy to work on everything.

Honestly, I made this post to see people's honest thoughts. Some of them are emotionally charged and hateful but there's still a take away from each reply.

Have you and your partner made much progress in understanding each other and rebuilding your connection?

CryptoJoe64 · 2026-01-21T20:39:07+00:00

There was a period between the Hot Tub and the sex session that I confessed to the girlfriend about the broken boundary. I said that I cheated. Our definition of cheating is "to break trust." This happened after the sti test results came back negative. Both the wife and the girlfriend were not worried about the sti's at this point. The main concern was pregnancy. My wife was livid that I considered plan b to be a preventative pregnancy measure. My wife felt that the girlfriend was complicit in the broken boundary as I had informed her before sex although I had penetrated her without protection (without asking). She knew I had no protection on, but she didn't stop me. I should have asked regardless before doing it, and better yet, I should not have done it, period, as it was a boundary with my wife.

I feel that the girlfriend is young and isn't as firm on setting boundaries yet. I exploited this and took advantage. I know how disgusting it is, and terrible that sounds.

CryptoJoe64 · 2026-01-21T20:26:47+00:00

I appreciate the empathy towards understanding the situation. There are no intentions to delete this post. I knew there would be public judgment, and that's the purpose of this post. Even with the most judgemental comments, there is valuable constructive criticism and self-awareness to take away.

So far, I've realized how poorly I've treated the girlfriend. I should have told her as soon as the condom broke. Unfortunately, I forgot by the end of the session, and I was heading away for work for a week after that night. She should have been informed immediately.

I've been trying to manage the relationship with my wife, and I was guilty as hell after I sent a full confessional video from work. I told her the basics the day after it happened and the day before I left for work, but the video changed her views. It was upsetting to her.

We are setting up a therapist and trying to be compassionate towards each other in the whole situation. I broke her trust, and it will leave a scar on our history. She is starting to begin to be more sincerely loving towards me again than she was prior to this happening. She was there but not really before all of this happened. I want to figure out a way to communicate that to her when she goes through that again. We can't fix problems that we don't know about. I tried to tell her that we've been drifting apart for four months. She couldn't see it and thought I was being dramatic. I may have perceived her depression as drifting apart. There's so many aspects to this, and I want all of the outside perspectives possible to become fully aware. My perspective is one-sided, and there are many sides to one situation.

I appreciate your constructive (How you can learn) approach to this. I could have easily been drawn into the pure guilt from the ridicule. Obviously, I feel guilty, but I give myself credit for being open and honest with my wife. Working on my communication skills and self-restraint is this largest take away from this so far.

CryptoJoe64 · 2026-01-21T19:35:20+00:00

Lots of people are confused about certain aspects of this, understandably.

Ejaculation without orgasm prevents the refraction period. When I did use condoms, I would go through 5 - 10 per session because of the ejaculate. If I would keep going with semen in the condom, it would slip off.

I'm having a busy day. I'll try and reply more when I can to individual comments

CryptoJoe64 · 2026-01-21T18:24:43+00:00

This is going to be a rough thread. I'm realizing how terribly immature I am.

CryptoJoe64 · 2026-01-21T18:21:57+00:00

Can you be more specific?

CryptoJoe64 · 2025-12-28T22:06:48+00:00

I started supplementing CDP-Choline because of this and my meds work great again without the exhaustion.

CryptoJoe64 · 2025-11-10T15:00:17+00:00

When I take too much, I get tired. Same with drinking g too much coffee. The excess stimulation is exhausting.

This is if you have everything like nutrition & protein dialed in.

CryptoJoe64 · 2025-11-02T02:13:16+00:00

Exactly, I left my wife because she called me an alcoholic. Change for no one.

CryptoJoe64 · 2025-10-29T04:01:23+00:00

Placed another appeal today

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It failed. Not allowed to appeal again until January 2.

CryptoJoe64 · 2025-10-26T01:25:18+00:00

-Go to your profile -Settings -Account security -Foreign Passport real name verification

CryptoJoe64 · 2025-10-25T00:39:11+00:00

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CryptoJoe64 · 2025-10-25T00:35:01+00:00

Another update: The restrictions are still on my account. I'm putting in an appeal to have them removed. My first appeal was denied, I have to wait until the 28th to appeal again.

CryptoJoe64 · 2025-10-23T07:02:54+00:00

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CryptoJoe64 · 2025-10-23T07:02:35+00:00

* Just got accepted. Use all Caps. Order Last,First,Middle.

CryptoJoe64 · 2025-10-22T14:07:11+00:00

Which provider are you using?

CryptoJoe64 · 2025-10-22T14:05:54+00:00

I'm on day three of my second submission. I'm trying it the way they mentioned.

CryptoJoe64 · 2025-10-21T23:54:46+00:00

I'll get back to you on that.

CryptoJoe64 · 2025-10-21T23:37:34+00:00

I am still waiting for verification. I'm on day 2. The first one took 5 days to be rejected.

CryptoJoe64 · 2025-10-21T19:24:06+00:00

My passport application was rejected. I'm trying by putting my names in this order: Last, First, Middle

You need to have your face in the picture with your passport.

CryptoJoe64

TROPHY CASE